Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

It’s boundaries and expectations- a similar example could be funerals. Both my Dc have gone to Latin Catholic Mass since babies. It takes time and a lot of patience but you gently teach them to be quiet, play quietly and over time be interested in Mass.
As a side consequence I could take them to funerals and weddings at a young age and they would behave. Also concerts and assemblies.
Also a Group of siblings the younger ones will watch and learn from the older ones.
There is also an element of temperament and expectations. They could also have been having a really good day!

I guess this is how they manage it. That strategic seating probably meant the ones likely to kick off were separated. Clever bugger 😊

Do you never see nurseries or schools out with large groups of children and them all behaving well?

Some children are naturally placid and biddable though. Both me and my sister were like this. We loved to read and if we had books/comics we could stay silent and happy for hours! My sister's kids are the same. Mine aren't! I have one with ADHD although my younger one is better at sitting still she can whinge for Britain if she feels like it. Out of the two of us I'm the stricter parent than my sister.

I'm sure strict parenting can explain a lot but not everything. My friend has 3 and she is a very relaxed fun loving parent and hers were never the ones running off, bickering or being disobedient.

Having said that, 7 biddable children in a row seems a bit unlikely (or very lucky!)

This may be it.
We used to not have a car and travelled by bus/train all the time.
The number of times I heard mother to excited (normally) boy:
"Why can't you sit nicely like the little girls over there?"
Then I'd chat and find that they were taking their little boy on the bus/train as a treat because they hadn't been on one before.
Otoh my girls got excited if they went in a car!

It also depends on why they're travelling as to whether they'll be excited. Disney land for the first time or beloved grandmother's funeral will change their attitude.

And it's personality. I knew a family of 4 that were always happy, always lovely, always doing what they should be. I commented to the mum that I'd never even seen them squabble, and she thought about it and said "I don't think they do. They work out a compromise between them."
The parents were very much with the attitude that if they disagreed, you discussed it and came up with a solution between you, and the children had picked that up.
I met the youngest one a few weeks ago with her young family and they were exactly the same. One picked up the toy another wanted, and they discussed what they thought was fair and came up with a solution they both were happy with. No complaining, and no grumbling. They were aged about 6 and 4yo, so really quite impressive.

Frequent travellers? We have people comment on our kids travelling - well behaved, no screens ( unless we’re on a plane with tiny tv for movies in) no fuss or fighting- but it’s because they’ve been transatlantic travelling from babies as all our family is in different countries. They have a routine, they know the drill and we put up with zero shit from then from day one!

I've just realised, this is why they stood out. No devices or earphones in sight!

‘Sounds like a cult but maybe I’ve watched too much true crime..’

love the idea that kids being well behaved in public must be in a cult!!!

good friends of ours let their kids kick seats, jump up and down, walk up aisles, grab food off trolleys and basically be pains in the fucking Arse because they can’t be bothered dealing with them .Their plan to get through long flights is - drink more booze.
They always come back with stories of fights with cabin crew or other passengers.

we were on the same plane as them just the once, never again.

Yes, frequently. I've never seen a nursery or school group behaving like the OP described though, no fussing, everyone doing what they are asked immediately, not talking to each other, "no excitement, just order", everyone sitting exactly where they are told (the teachers don't generally tell them exactly where to sit anyway).

In fact school and nursery groups are usually loud, chatty, giggly and excitable. None of that is bad behaviour. The loudness may be annoying, especially (as is common where I live) when a group of them are on public transport, but that is because it's a small enclosed area, not because their volume is unreasonable. When they are outside or in somewhere like a museum, the volume is generally appropriate. A child will often slightly push a boundary, a teacher calmly and kindly brings them back into line, again, fine, but not what the OP described.

‘I've just realised, this is why they stood out. No devices or earphones in sight!’

We’re the same. Can’t bear it when kids are glued to phones or screens in airports, trains, restaurants - particularly travelling abroad. Let them look around, experience the journey, the country.

So did they have things like books or playing cards, if they didn't have screens?

I would think it very odd if they just sat there not doing anything, not even chatting with each other. If eldest was about 13, quite poor of parents not to be interacting with them either. Don't have to be a performance parent but a bit of chatting

I'm always suspicious when kids are like that!

My guess is Mormons. It helps when the whole community has the same expectations and offer plenty of support. Plenty of Americans will spank a naughty child on the bottom if they are truly out of
line but not in an abusive way. Most of the Mormons I've known only spank as a very last resort or not at all. But they do give their kids loads of positive attention and take each child out individually for lots of 1:1 time.

Ah we also don’t do screens. I absolutely hate them. We play games, have a chat etc. now don’t get me wrong, I’m not some sort of Mother Earth, but I am trying to show the children that every part of something is life, not just the bit at the end.

I think it also makes them a bit less reliant on this need for instant gratification. Yes sometimes stuff is boring, but you can always find something to do to ease the boredom!

What's so exciting about an airport lounge @NelStevHan? Surely once you have seen one, you have seen them all!

@Recycledcurtains you can play games on screens too. The other day DS started to play a quiz game on his phone and quite a few other people in the group started playing with him, far more interaction with everyone than he probably would have had otherwise, as he was the youngest person in the group by at least 20 years

I want to read the full thread. I was going to post yesterday about how I'm basically a shot parents and my kids are hell raisers, asking for tips.

I've seen a couple of families like this in my time. I assume it's extreme religion that keeps them in check.
The kids aren't just obedient, they're like robots. Horrible.

@RudsyFarmer ummm no it’s not?! WTF? American, grew up in an area with A LOT of Mormon families. I know no one who hits their children or was hit as a child. Not to say it doesn’t happen but it’s not common place in America. What a bunch of garbage. The kids from the Mormon families were all very kind and high achieving as a huge stereotype; but I think this was probably related to church upbringing. Garden variety Mormon faith not extremists.

No this is it. They weren't "doing" anything . Each had a backpack so they may have had books and they took the activity packs the air stewards offered them, but at the airport, they weren't doing anything.

I was in New York earlier this year and saw a family with 10 kids all in identical t shirts, boys in beige shorts, girls in similar colour skirts, with southern accents - beautifully behaved but felt something was amiss, they didn't look the dad in the eye, they weren't excited by their trip to the Statue of Liberty, draconian parenting is my guess

I once shared a flat with two mormons. They were the kindest most generous and surprisingly unjudgemental people I have come across.

I know two families with six children each and they are just like this. One of them even home educated the kids until they got to late teens and decided they wanted to go to school or college. Mum is one of the most calm and serene people I've ever met!

Dressing children the same is useful for head counting when travelling.

It would be interesting to know what the children would be like to interact with, as good behaviour has to extend beyond mere docility. I've also got very 'well-behaved' children as in very biddable, have never kicked up a fuss in public and have what are considered good manners. But what I'm most pleased about so far is that they do look out for each other and for other people. I think part of it is that from a young age they've been taught (drilled!) to be useful and to be kind, meaning be considerate, of other people and always always offer to help if they think someone needs it.

As an aside - and why I wonder what those children would be like to interact with - a big thing we've focussed on is how to hold a good conversation with other people - partly as one of my DDs has ASD and can struggle a bit with communication, but also because we try to eat together as a family a few times a week and have 'proper' conversation. This all probably sounds super smug, sorry and who knows what later teen years will bring but more than docility, I think of well behaved children as those who know that the world doesn't revolve around them and their wants and that give and take is more important.