Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

A lot of factors coming together, parents are likely well organized and in a position to try to line things up for the best this time.

I wouldn't assume the worst, but I can see why people would.

I don’t know why that’s such a strong assumption on here about big families.

I think a big part is that the TV shows around large families often show that kind of 'buddy system'/older kids taking more care of youngers in a parent way. Same reason so many jump to the idea they're in a cult - of the US shows about large families, Duggars and similar from the Southern Baptist Convention and it's split offs who teach a very horizontal hierarchy and control-based family systems.

So many kids running riot theses days because parents are too weak and airy fairy to discipline their children.

This type of remark makes me laugh. My Boomer parents' idea of discipline was kicking a kid out of the house so they didn't have to deal with us, as it was for most of the kids I grew up around. Parents statistically spend significantly more time with their kids now than in generations past and when not are most often in supervised spaces much more than before - what do you think kids were doing when not supervised? I was 'running riot' all over from 6 or so with no supervision or discipline. I jumped into a construction site at 9. I was biking over US motorway off-ramp bridges at 11. I was doing things my kids think are really shocking and never dream of and when they ask what my parents thought, all I can say is "they didn't care as long as we weren't bothering them".

It's easier to be appear to be disciplined if you're not having to do it much.

It's sad that helping with younger siblings is seen as a bad thing and not looking out for younger siblings is something looked for and commented on positively.

There is helping with siblings and then there is parentification. It's important to know the difference as the latter isn't going to get you the responsible adults you're looking for without some help.

Pure luck.

Ah this might be disappointing, they did all sit together, Dad managed to marshall them all into the right seats (he was being particular about who went where) wihout causing chaos in the gangway! but it was an airline where you get to choose your seats when you book, for no additional fee!

@Dalaidramailama but why?

We spent summers with my grandmother, 8 of us. We could run wild in her yard during the days and she didn't even look at us, but we knew when we went out, there was going to be no loudness, running off, jumping about etc.

She never shouted, punished or beat any of us. She made her expectations clear and we behaved accordingly. 25 years after her passing my mom, siblings, cousins and I still miss her and wish our children could have known her.

She was wise, kind and firm and we loved her then and appreciate that foundation now.

I wouldn't have looked at those children on the plane twice, but I would have noticed the opposite .

@GratefulMe the being particular about who sat where might be relevant. Perhaps there are some better behaved and they mixed those up with the potential trouble makers 😆

@Dweetfidilove

I guess because it’s quite rare to see a bunch of well behaved kids these days. So they do stand out.

If I have a kid behind me on a flight there’s a 99 percent chance she or he will spend a large portion of the flight kicking my seat. 🤦‍♀️

Kids love doing that and often they don’t get told not too. I’ve always told my small children to stop if they’ve been kicking the seat infront.

I get tired of lazy stereotypes about parenting in the past. For every parent allowing six-year-olds to get up to all sorts without supervision, there were stricter parents who did make sure their kids were not doing things like this.
I think the parents who now allow their kids to spend all their time out of school on screens, are the same ones who allowed their kids to roam outside without any supervision.

My friend emigrated to USA Rochester. Was a culture shock. Lots of church parents very sociable but everything wound up by 9

It sounds very organised eg dad knew who best sat next to each other so avoiding issues rather that Kyle if you keep hitting Jason you’ll have to move repeated every 5 mins and no action taken.
Older help younger without fuss as that’s what they know eg seatbelts. Not loud parenting - do you need help Cooper, Tracy help your brother, Sharon cries I want to help Cooper! Tracy just automatically helps toddler Cooper.

@Dalaidramailama You're actually right.

I've had to tell one of those children I wasn't going to have my seat kicked for 9 hours and even then his wilfully blind / deaf parents had nothing to say to him or me.

🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

Posted too soon. Early night and early morning. Sporty, running lanes, she made some good friends.

As you say, disappointing, it could have blown up into a huge international dispute which would have run for pages and pages. Never mind eh,maybe next time!

Yes, I would immediately assume regions such as Mormons with a bit of a cult like existence.

@Dweetfidilove

Fair play. I’m a coward though and just put up with it 😂🤦‍♀️.

I also get annoyed with the idea that because I have four children the older are expected to bring up the younger.
There are four years between the oldest and the youngest, the oldest being 7 cannot be responsible for anyone.
sometimes I do ask them to hold hands in busy places, I would hate to think people thought I was abdicating responsibility on this basis.

Mine are well behaved because I can’t afford them to run amuck like parents of one or two children can. Not under pain of corporal punishment, but removal of treats which are a reward for good behaviour. I bribe them entirely. I also plan the fuck out of every outing so everyone has appropriate books/games and snacks.
High expectations and plenty of failed efforts.

But getting them to stand/sit quietly at an airport for hours on end would still have had its moments.

Well okay that with 7 kids might well attract my attention envy.

Though we did a recent trip - our teens were fine sitting still waiting for trains and connections it was DH who the problem. He couldn't be still couldn't wait he's very key up stressed mainly due to work though he's changing jobs soon - and I don't think he realises how exhausting he currently is.

I'm afraid my assumption is threat of harsh, terrifying discipline in private later if they don't show complete obedience and deference at all times.

And no I wouldn't assume it just for one child. Seven placid, unexcited children is very unusual, unlikely to be personality related. And the mum doing ALL of the babycare while the dad instructs (and gets immediate unquestioning compliance from) the older ones = dad is main disciplinarian. He doesn't get involved with babies at all.

I would also assume v traditional marriage with mum doing all cleaning, cooking etc - bit of a stretch from that but that's what I'd think. Traditional doesn't necessarily mean she is put upon - her husband might take a good chunk of the load, especially if they have very high behaviour expectations so the children aren't causing stress like they do in a lot of houses. OTOH in some Christian sects there is a view that being unhappy is being unfaithful to God - which I find incredibly creepy and weird.

Well-behaved IMO includes happy calm chatting, giggling, playing. It doesn't mean being totally silent and compliant.

Mine are well behaved too! However, occasionally they get a bit overexcited and one laughs or squeals a little too loud, another gets stroppy with a siblings siblings because they sat in their seat, they you nest might cry veca

If you’re interested, there seem to be hundreds of instagrammers in America who have been bless with baby number 10-12+ from God.

My friend has 6 children as surprise baby number 5 was twins but luckily they’re millionaires who can afford an 8 bedroomed house, 6 lots of school fees and a full time nanny!

Accidentally pressed post too soon!
The youngest might cry over something insignificant. They'll all say please and thank you, they wont kick your seat but they wouldn't be practically silent for a whole flight.

I grew up in America evangelical circles, there were so many families like those described in the OP. I just don't see families like this anymore at least not in the UK. Without exception the all followed dobson or tedd trips, plenty of American families still do.

@Butteryflakycrust83 That spin back and look is my mom 🤣🤣🤣

I think when you have more kids you have to maintain certain expectations consistently, and that consistency goes a very long way towards getting pretty good results in terms of behaviour.

It's also likely the case that if the kids weren't fairly reliable, they might not be doing air travel with them all.

Personally I don't think it's bad for older kids to help out with their siblings, the opposite really, I think it's overall good for them. Especially now when it's a lot harder for kids to find paid jobs compared to the past, many don't have much chance to be responsible for anything serious that isn't personal to them. The important thing is that all get their needs considered and time and attention for their own interests and projects as well.

@Dweetfidilove 😂😂

When I went through LHR last week I transited with the Tel Aviv flight
There were multiple large families including 1 with the girls all in matching dresses and just 1 boy who was a baby.

And while they got threatened with the wooden spoon occasionally, OH can't remember a single occasion where it was actually ever used on any of them

This just made me laugh, thinking of Ma in Derry Girls. "Gerry, pass me the wooden spoon." 😂