Personal hygiene

[Ohmywhat]

I'm so embarrassed, I can only really discuss this anonymously so please be gentle.

A friend who I've known for many many years has very sympathetically told me that I've let my personal hygiene slip. She's not wrong, my weight has steadily increased especially over the past two years and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to start.

We are supposed to be going away in a big group next weekend and now I feel I can't go. How can I knowing she thinks this?

Any advice? (apart from have a wash!) I know it seems so easy but I feel stuck and a bit panicky and overwhelmed.

Sorry op you are feeling so bad

What are you struggling with? Getting washed or just in general motivation to do anything. Is your weight preventing you from washing and having clean clothes? Sometimes skin folds get a bit smelly so talc can help.

Or Do you manage to wash or shower daily but it's no longer get effective?

I think maybe a daily shower routine is needed with some bar soap, shampoo conditioner, sure deodorant and body lotion followers by hair dry and clean clothes and this WILL help a low mood too. I saw a facebook post about what to do if you have a low mood and these were the top suggestions. We've started to use writghts coal tar soap and the bar smells weird but on the person it smell so clean! And also make you bed.

I prefer a shower in the morning and have changed routine so it's the first thing I do even before coffee!

You can still go away as your friend has told you in good time to address the issue. It might do you the world of good to get away

What is the issue exactly?

Putting weight on doesn't mean you're unclean.

Can you book into the hairdresser for a trim before you go ?
And what about getting your eyebrows done , and maybe your finger/toe nails ?

Wash more thoroughly and more often then, simple. I am a fat person who barely sweats and really feels the cold so there is no correlation between being overweight and poor personal hygiene. Despite what you are trying to imply.

Op I don't understand what weight has to do with personal hygiene. At one point my dh weighed a lot - I am talking over 20 stone, and he always smelled lovely. Is there something else going on here?

I'm at my fattest ever, but I maintain very good hygiene. Being overweight (I'm probably 6st too heavy) isn't an excuse to neglect yourself. I shower twice a day, use deodorant and body lotions. Talcum powder is really BAD for skin - it will block the pores but also go claggy in crevices and creases. Better to use body lotion.

If you feel you can take your friend's comments as friendly advice and feel up to a bit of self care, it should definitely make you feel better.

Have a full clean up and take breaks in between. I have a little rest after showering before I dry my hair and then another rest before moisturiser/ make up etc.

File your nails and paint them if you have any varnish.

Knowing she cares enough to say something, in a sensitive way, should help you feel ok around her. You could even thank her, keep it light and let her know you took her words onboard.

Don't be ashamed. I hope you feel a bit better about it all soon.

In what way have you let it slip?

Shower daily, use soap, scrub your feet with a long handled brush if it's easier, wash hair, clean clothes and an effective deodorant. Clean teeth too! That's it.

Scrub yourself, top to bottom. Get a good deodorant and clean your teeth thoroughly. Shave your legs and underarms if this is something you want to do. May be invest in some nice bathroom products.

get your clothes and give them a good wash in the machine. Ditto with bedding and towels.

I bet this was a hard conversation to have with your friend. Could you ask her for some help in the coming days and be ready for next weekend. Don’t cancel. You can turn this around.

Honestly I think you have a lovely friend there and you should be thankful for that. Don’t be embarrassed. She could have just not said anything, but she cares about you and wants things to improve for you.

It’s not a big deal. Shower more, use deodorant regularly and make sure your clothes are clean on every day.

Better a true friend is honest with you than strangers talking about you behind your back..
Never too late to change your ways op!

Re my weight, I'm finding anything physical quite difficult and that's pathetic, I can't believe I've let myself get in such a state.

I have recently had my hair cut and coloured and I am happy to get my nails done. But my feet are a state and I can't really reach them properly to File and paint them.

My skin is also a mess, not sure where to even start with that.

Op how often do you bath / shower? Could depression be a part of this?

I’m very overweight but fragrant and lovely. Apart from my feet which are never particularly fresh smelling but this has always been an issue (even when I was slim).

You can get scrub mits from Boots. I have a pair and they are by Soap and Glory. All you need is some shower gel and then scrub your dead skin away. Apply lots of moisturiser. That will make a difference. Can you get a pedicure this week at all?

Is she talking personal hygiene, or appearance?
if the former, some good tips above ❤️

if she’s referring to weight/hair/nails/makeup (you alluded to hair and nails above), that’s different (and quite judgmental)

That's a hard conversation. I think you should go away for that weekend, remembering that this friend clearly really loves you and values your wellbeing above her comfort. 💐

There's appearance and there's hygiene. Hygiene is washing/brushing /deodorant etc. is she saying you smell? A daily shower, shampoo, decent deodorant, perfume or body spray and clean clothes should manage that.
Appearance, if you want to make changes fine but don't be pressured to look a certain way. Some people do all the make up, hair, nails etc but it's personal choice.

I’ve had to recently have a very gentle conversation with my adult daughter about similar.
it tuned out she was showering daily, using deodorant etc but she wasn’t washing her clothes very well, using the shortest wash possible and at the lowest temperature.
maybe it’s something like that?
it’s made a huge difference with her just changing the setting on the washing machine for a slightly more intense wash.

Me saying about my hair and nails was in response to suggestions that I get them done before our trip.

We don't have a shower in out house so its baths and that's why I'm finding it more difficult being larger. I don't think I'm depressed, I do have anxiety though.

I guess I need to get in a routine of teeth, bath, Deodorant every day. I wash my have maybe twice a week, it doesn't get greasy. I don't really wear make up or get my eye brows done. I do wear clean clothes every day though could probably wash the bedsheets more often.

I don't know, I just find it all quite overwhelming. Like I need to put it on a to do list or I'll forget I need to do it. It also comes around so quickly and I feel like I've only just done it.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, could you start by walking your bedsheets at 60? A lovely fresh bed to get into should help you feel a bit better.

I know that you say you don't feel depressed, but I'd talk to the people close to you and see if they think you are. I've been depressed in the past and it can take a fair old while to realise. The thing that made me realise was that I didn't want to play or interact with the DC, at all.

If you've not got a shower, you can manage with a bath but do you have any plans to put a shower in?

Do you have a shower hose on your bath. You could stand in the bath and have a hand held shower each day. Or you can buy cheap ones that attach to the taps but they are tricky to use- many a scalded or frozen head as a child!

appreciate you have mobility issues that is the cause of the lack of baths. In this case caused by weight gain which has negative, emotional connotations with it. So don't be so hard on yourself and (lots of harsh comments).

Baths are a PITA to get everyday. But needs must. Dry shampoo will freshen hair even if it's not greasy. Can you book a chiropodist for the feet -is that affordable? I got a long handle body brush from home bargains for cleaning my feet as they get dirty wearing sandals.

Talc may be bad for you skin but it will help if have damp skin fold which can cause a musty smell.

Have you looked into getting an over the bath shower installed OP. It would make your life a lot easier

Thank you, there's some really good tips here. Money isn't especially a problem, (not rich but not in poverty either) so I can pay for treatments/ supplies. The house is HA though so not sure how we go about getting a shower put in.

I do have an uncomfortable area under my stomach, it can get very sore so I am careful to put cream on it a few times a week. Regular soap can sting though so any suggestions for a more sensitive product?