Personal hygiene

[Ohmywhat]

I'm so embarrassed, I can only really discuss this anonymously so please be gentle.

A friend who I've known for many many years has very sympathetically told me that I've let my personal hygiene slip. She's not wrong, my weight has steadily increased especially over the past two years and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to start.

We are supposed to be going away in a big group next weekend and now I feel I can't go. How can I knowing she thinks this?

Any advice? (apart from have a wash!) I know it seems so easy but I feel stuck and a bit panicky and overwhelmed.

You can stand in the bath , have a washing up bowl full of water and a jug and sloosh yourself like that. Takes minutes.

Putting weight on and finding basic cleanliness overwhelming are classic signs of depression, I think a chat with the GP is in order 💐

Wash every day and use an anti fungal cream daily. Make sure you dry yourself properly.

**Aveeno wash is good .

I am not quite sure if your friend is saying you smell a bit or if she is saying you look a bit scruffy. So I would second a shower attachment for your bath taps so you can have a quicker wash every morning. Also but not environmentally friendly would be a packet of deodorant wipes in your bag so you can freshen up during the day. Make sure you wear clean clothes that have been washed fully, perhaps add in some fabric conditioner to each wash. A good deodorant and body spray and a lovely fresh perfume would be nice. Go on your trip and enjoy!

OP, can I suggest you get one of these? Or something similar.
It’ll make your life much easier.

I get it. Getting a bath feels like climbing a mountain. Is it easier if the bath is run for you? If you can get someone to do this, and have a good flannel wash in between baths, this will help you enormously.

Get that shower installed. I know that if a shower is available at the push of a button, I find it much easier.

Sore under stomach flap can smell. Ok here are my tips but nothing stops it. Wear big knickers and tuck the top under the flap to absorb sweat and stop the yeast building up. The other thing can be to use thick tissue but change it often. Keeping it dry is the aim.

I grew up with one of them , I prefer my bowl method, I've been scalded/ frozen too many times 😉

Buy a shower hose that can fit onto bath taps? Be careful to dry yourself properly otherwise hard to reach places can fester. While you are away make use of the shower.

You can get long handled brushes and sponges to reach feet etc. can you get a podiatry appointment to get feet looking presentable and easier to maintain with flexitol etc. Spray deodorants and body lotions which match roll ons and shower gel / bath are good for layering scent. Mouthwash and floss/teepees to improve oral hygiene, if you don't use make up, a tinted moisturiser/bb cream, mascara, blusher and lipstick will brighten you up.

Re the area of skin that soap stings on I’d recommend this:
www.weldricks.co.uk/brands/dermol?

my doctor prescribed the lotion to wash an area that couldn’t have soap on (stitches post birth that got a bit infected; I then used it to clean the area of other stitches and it stopped them getting infected).

Find someone to sort your feet out - it might be quite nice to get them done properly.
I agree with suggestions of a shower attachment or having a good wash if you can't manage a bath. Using a soap, one for babies or a 'sensitive' one, for places that get the most sweaty or smelly can help, seems to work better than shower gel. I think you can also get talc-free powders that would help with under boobs, on your back etc.
Please go on your planned trip, your friend cares about you and maybe you can talk to her about how you're feeling at the moment.

I also think don’t worry much about makeup - it’s just something else to remove! Unless it helps to make you feel better about yourself. Concentrate on cleanliness though.

oh and re feet can you get to a podiatrist to get them under control then slather them in flexitol after washing to stop the hard skin coming back.

Have you seen a doctor for it? If it is sensitive and stinging when washed maybe there is an infected scab or something. I had a fungal skin infection once that got really uncomfortable, I had to have a cream to clear it up. It’s not necessarily because you’re overweight - I was pretty slim at the time! But it might be best to have it seen to.

Other than that I would prioritise having a shower put in if possible, it’s just so much more convenient and easier to wash properly in my opinion than in the bath.

The shower attachments for the bath taps take five minutes to install and really help cleanse hard to reach areas.

You will feel better if you get into a daily routine of bathing and self care.

I understand this (and FWIW I do think it is a symptom of depression). Especially that feeling, 'Oh but I've just done that chore. Do I really need to do it again!" I get around that by shifting the mindset on basic jobs and reminding myself how small each task is. E.g. tell yourself: It takes 5 mins to strip the bed and stick the sheets in the wash - so easy and good workout for upper arms. Then - hang out the laundry - 5 mins in the sunshine! And putting it back on the bed: nice mini workout while my bath is running. Etc. If that sounds daft, it's no less daft than not doing it and putting a clean body to sleep in musty sheets.

When you bathe make sure you wash very thoroughly under any folds of flesh. You could buy a cheap alcohol-based cologne and use it as a body spray. The alcohol also works as an anti bac. Something like Duru Turkish Lemon Cologne It's light so it won;t overpower any scent you choose to wear on top.

Can you get a pedicure done before you go away?

On the point of no shower- get a bucket and the largest plastic jug you can find
Fill the bucket with your fav bubble bath and warm water
Stand in bath, plunge a body scrubber, flannel, brush whatever into bucket and do head to toe, keep filling the jug and pouring it to keep from getting too cold, empty the bucket over you and fill the jug with fresh water quickly to rinse off. Literally 2 minutes or less and you're done.

Save your bath for a relaxing routine for the evening. You're worth it.

Contact the HA and see if your property is due an upgrade. You could state mobility/access problems.
It’s tough, I’m a lot bigger than I should be and I get paranoid about hygiene. Shower(or a thorough wash over the bath) every day. Soap. Get a bath brush on a long handle, give your feet a good soak and scrub away. Mitchum deodorant.
But ask your friend what specifically she meant. It might be an easy fix.
But go away with them. Head high.

You really need to make a daily wash/shower priority. Do it without fail before anything else. Wake up and into the bathroom, cleanliness is really good for your MH too.

A lot of those things have got nothing to do with hygiene. Good hygiene just means that you are clean.

I feel for you OP. Thst must have been soo hard to hear and soo hard for your friend to say. She clearly does care for you. Can you give a clearer idea of what she thinks the problem is? More a cleanliness issue or more on the scruffy side of things?
I think you should get a shower attachment. We are using one of those at the moment as our shower finally burnt out thanks to a house of teens. But the attachment certainly does the job wash wise.
Regarding the sore patch I think you need to have a doctor look at that. Maybe a general chat about how your doing, weight etc mood would help.
You are doing great because you are addressing the issues . Go on the trip. Hold your head high enjoy the showers there. Pack freshly washed and ironed clothes. Treat yourself to nice toiletries, jammies and a new top for the trip. View it as another positive step on your road to self improvement. Ps. Bar soap I'd way better than shower gel.

I also think if you’ve recently gained weight maybe you could be feeling down about that? I know when I feel I’m too big I don’t make as much effort with myself, I guess because I just feel a bit down on myself so don’t see the point. Maybe you could reframe it as taking care of yourself no matter what?

Are you physically unable to get into the bath or are you unmotivated and depressed because of the weight gain?
What size do you wear or how much do you weigh? I ask because it's relevant to the advice but I appreciate you might not want to say.

I think the advice for someone over 300lb is different than someone 200lb for example.

You can make an online request for permission to install a shower at your own expense with the HA or for a wet room conversion. Or just replace the taps with a shower mixer; it's better than nothing.

In the meantime, bathe in Hibiscrub and use a rough towel,no fabric conditioner, to take off dead skin on your arms, legs, back and neck. Something else that helps if you're itching/burning can be psoriderm bath additive.

Don't rub the skin folds, pat them and then apply a layer of emollient cream rather than lotions to those, your thighs, your creases and all delicate areas. This forms a protective layer and allows the fragile skin to heal. Do it twice a day. This is far better than talc.

Use t gel on your hair and let it sit for a couple of minutes before tipping repeated jugs of water over you to rinse. Also apply emollient in a thin layer around the backs of your ears.

Avoid perfumes and fancy scented things - you need to clean and heal the skin.

Get a bowl in the bathroom and soak your feet, then step on a towel to help rub dead skin off. Make an appointment with a podiatrist for them to check and take care of your feet; as you may well be high risk for diabetes, it's really important to get your feet well cared for before you find something awful is going on.

You need to also make an appointment with your gp for a healthcheck. Again, because of diabetes and also for high cholesterol/cardiovascular health. They may discuss referral for help, you may need medication, but it starts the process of identifying your needs.

For your feet - see a podiatrist rather than get a pedicure. It's a bit more expensive but they really will take care of any neglect on your feet and may have helpful advice for looking after them. A pedicure won't di enough to remove hard skin build up.

Agree that a shower hose attachment for your tap might be good.

See your gp for support with weight loss and mental health, if you're over a certain bmi their might be medicine options that can help like saxenda.

If you can't manage baths every day, a gentle wash at the sink will be fine, just make sure you're reaching the bits that need most attention. Emma's soaps are very gentle on sore skin or you could use a baby brand. Bamboo flannels are incredibly soft and won't hurt your skin:
Bamboo Washcloths (6-Pack) -Baby Washcloth Ultra-Soft Absorbent Towels for Baby's Sensitive Skin - Size 10"x10" - Baby Registry Gift- Naturally Antibacterial (Multi-Colour) amzn.eu/d/bW8tQjM

You can buy extra strong anti perspirant on amazon, including as wipes, don't use on sore skin buy this may help. Reaching aids are also available if you struggle.
ETAC Body Washer, Long Handled, Bathing Aid, For Elderly/Injured/Handicapped, Bathroom Assistance, Wash Hard to Reach Areas amzn.eu/d/9PgUTof

A portable handheld bidet will also help with intimate areas. A cheap plastic measuring jug kept on the bath side is great for assisting with hair washing.

Fresh sheets weekly, whether they look dirty or not, will help your skin by keeping bacteria away and you'll feel much better slipping into them at night. Washing on 60 or 90 will keep them fresh, bacteria free and white.

I know this has been a shock and it's natural to feel overwhelmed and stuck. Please do speak with a supportive gp about your mental health because it sounds like you've experienced a bit of a breakdown. You might also like to see if you recognise adhd symptoms in women in yourself as some of the struggles you describe could fit with this.

Start basic, with little manageable steps and build from there. If you have a day where you cannot face a bath then a gentle wash of the important bits will suffice. You don't need to make ot complicated, simplicity and support are key.

Wash with Dettol anti bacterial soap instead of shower gel & use Michum deodorant.

Use the Dettol antibacterial laundry wash for your clothes and bedding.

Air your shoes outside and put a bit of talc in them to absorb sweat.

Book in for a dental hygienist and podiatrist for your feet. How is your health generally because some health conditions can make you smell.

Get your hair and nails done if you want and you'll be fine.