Personal hygiene

[Ohmywhat]

I'm so embarrassed, I can only really discuss this anonymously so please be gentle.

A friend who I've known for many many years has very sympathetically told me that I've let my personal hygiene slip. She's not wrong, my weight has steadily increased especially over the past two years and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to start.

We are supposed to be going away in a big group next weekend and now I feel I can't go. How can I knowing she thinks this?

Any advice? (apart from have a wash!) I know it seems so easy but I feel stuck and a bit panicky and overwhelmed.

Have you read the full thread?

Very unkind

Yea

I’ve read your update and have to ask op, do you not brush your teeth twice a day?

That’s good you are making a start today OP.

The thing that most stands out about your post is that you might not be brushing your teeth daily - if that is the case then that is a (hopefully) easy thing to rectify and will make a big difference.

Can you try to do the following as a minimum:

Brush teeth morning and evening
Wash daily
Bathe every other day
Wash hair once a week
Wash towels and bedding every two weeks

Please don't be offended by your friend, it would have been a difficult conversation to have for both of you, but she loves you enough that she was willing to have the conversation

I don’t understand what the issue is? Is your friend saying you smell?

I live in a hot country and in winter have a shower twice a week. Hair washed once a week. Bed linen is probably washed once every 3/4 months year round. I don’t think I smell. No one has ever told me I smell. I am a ‘larger person’.

Feet - see a podiatrist

Deodorant - Mitchum

Uncomfortable area under stomach - this is a fungal infection called intertrigo. It's very common, get some Clotrimazole cream from the pharmacist and apply twice a day until it's gone

Washing - Bar soap, not shower gel, proper soap not Dove or a Beauty Bar

No need to start doing things like brows, makeup etc if you aren't in to it. Just have a routine of the basics.

We don't have a shower in out house so its baths and that's why I'm finding it more difficult being larger.

you can get a shower attachment for taps, they have moved on from those little rubber attachments we had in the 70’s. There are ones for all different tap shapes so you should be able to find some suitable.
www.amazon.co.uk/Croydex-Bath-Shower-Mixer-Set/dp/B000TATWGO/ref=asc_df_B000TATWGO/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=231900585735&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7479294778865340711&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045255&hvtargid=pla-422477243463&psc=1

Apologies, as I haven’t read the full thread but I sympathise with you having to rely on baths.
You can buy plastic shower attachments that have rubber ends that fit over your bath taps. It wouldn’t be perfect but would enable you to have a quick shower over the bath every day. You don’t even need to mount it on the wall. I had one for years when I was renting and it worked fine.
Flossing your teeth twice a day makes a huge difference to mouth hygiene/smelly breath and becomes a good habit really quickly.
If you’re feeling low it’s really easy to let hygiene slip. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just concentrate on showering once a day, cleaning your teeth twice a day, and using an effective deodorant. Everything else is down to personal taste.
Your friend was probably really embarrassed to have that conversation with you, but must be a good friend to be be willing to raise the issue. Maybe you could ask her what in particular she has issue with. If you smell bad then that’s important to address. But if your hair’s a bit straggly or your nails are chipped then that’s not such a priority.

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear this but the good thing is you’re doing something about it!

I would say the non-negotiables are:
Brush teeth twice a day
Bath/wash once a day
Deodorant daily
Clean face twice a day
Fresh knickers, socks, t shirt daily
Wash hair 2-3 times a week (depending)

I use this deodorant and I think it is the best: Link

OP I really think this is depression especially the feeling that it's come round again quickly and you've only just done it
Here's what I suggest
Get a bath stool off Amazon and a shower hose and a long handled shower brush
Put plug in the bath, sit on the stool and shower wash yourself with the shower hose. The water will fill up which will soak your feet and you can scrub them with the long handled brush.
For under your stomach, dry thoroughly and talc but then tuck something soft and 100%cotton under there (I use a cut up muslin cloth) if it is sore now buy canesten AF cream. It's the best and clears it really quickly. Once it's clear keep the talc/padding up and it won't come back.
Do you live with anyone? Can you get a trusted family member to check in, keep you accountable?

I think a to do list is a good idea. It really helps when you feel overwhelmed.
I had one after I gave birth as a reminder to have a shower, take paracetamol, brush teeth etc. I would normally do those things without thinking but when you aren't feeling your best, having a list is really useful.
Also, if you struggle drying after a bath, just lie in bed in front of a fan.
I think the key is to keep it simple, don't go overboard with products, just a few key things which will keep you clean but also not wear you out just getting ready for the day.

Try this
www.amazon.co.uk/Dettol-Clothes-Freshener-Waterlily-Fragrance/dp/B07QL5229X

We're about the same weight and I really struggle with the smells surrounding an anal fissure discharge (it's grim) (I get made worse by excess weight) so I really have to vote your open skin/sores might be the problem.

As a diabetic who also struggles with footware - I'm guilty that my shoes aren't helpfully fresh alltimes either - could that be another cause for you.

Best wishes.

I’ve got fibromyalgia and can’t cope with baths because of it ( if muscles seize up when I’m in there I might never get out!). Can you have a shower tap put on your bath? Or an electric shower fitted over the bath?
A podiatrist could sort your feet out.
Your skin could be affected by what you’re eating or lack of sunscreen. If I either eat gluten or forget the factor 50 my face flares up bright red.

re the weight
oh my love I can understand your issue around the bath. lots of kind and helpful replies here so I hope things get easier for you xx

I would agree with @crochetmonkey74 re the stool and handheld shower attachment. Will be easy to use and will feel nice. Good luck OP, and sorry you've been having such a hard time x

Apologies, I’ve only read your replies OP so this may have been suggested already. When I have sore patches under my overhang I use Hydromol ointment as a soap substitute. It’s very soothing. I don’t like to use it long term because it just doesn’t feel the same. So maintenance is key. Keeping it clean and dry

I would try Tena wash cream. It comes in a tube or pump dispenser. I use it as I have a fold in my stomach area from surgery years ago. It also acts as a barrier cream. No need to rinse either.

The sore area under your stomach is most likely due to the soap not rinsing off. That’s happened to me before so now I make sure to give the area an extra rinse. Best wishes OP 💐

I was just coming on to recommend this!

Dermol 500 is great - you can wash sensitive bits with it as the PP says but it’s also an anti bacterial body lotion so it will stop under boob and under stomach areas smelling and make them less sore.

OP I would make an appointment with a podiatrist to get your feet sorted early this week, and then go to a salon to get your toes painted so you feel nice. (This will cost a bit but it will sort them out.)

When you say your skin is a mess, what you you mean?? If you need a simple facial wash and moisturiser, Superdrug Vitamin E or Simple are good ranges. Nivea, Aveeno or something like that is a good body lotion.

I do think a trip to the GP is in order as weight gain and a personal hygiene slip would often indicate depression.

lots of good advice on here, but overall OP I would just say don’t be hard on yourself over this. We all slide off the rails at times. Your friend told you because she cares about you.

Have a great weekend away.

You mention you don’t have hot water at the moment. If your friend has only just mentioned the problem, could it be because of that? I don’t think I could keep clean for very long if I didn’t have hot water. Even if you can boil a kettle it doesn’t give you much water. How are you managing to wash your hair?

Oh OP you have my sympathy. I know that when I gain weight, it really affects my confidence and I stop making an effort.

For those on here that are having a go at the OP because "fat doesn't mean you smell"- she never said that. Just because there's no correlation between weight and hygiene for you,

How about a gym membership, OP? I can't help but feel from your comments that the weight issue may be whats bothering you the most. Also, gyms have showers. Do you work? You could incorporate gym into your daily routine. Work, gym, shower. Even if it is just 5 minutes of working out a day and gradually build that up?

Could you kill two birds with one stone by starting to go to your local pool. You could do a gentle pool fitness class or just do a little swimming/walking in the pool, thus getting you out, increasing your confidence and fitness and giving you an all over clean.
Have you always had difficulty with washing? Just asking as my daughter who is autistic and suffers from depression has sensory difficulties with washing and sometimes really has to summon up the will to wash.
Re: going away with your friend. If you can face it, i think it would be great for you to go. Its most likely that she's come from a good place in mentioning hygiene to you and would like you to be there.

Book a lovely pedicure.

Also, I would take some wipes with you, not to replace daily washes/baths but as a supplement, especially if it’s warm and you get sweaty. Be careful to dry flappy areas afterwards, though. But they do help you feel and smell fresh again.