Personal hygiene

[Ohmywhat]

I'm so embarrassed, I can only really discuss this anonymously so please be gentle.

A friend who I've known for many many years has very sympathetically told me that I've let my personal hygiene slip. She's not wrong, my weight has steadily increased especially over the past two years and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to start.

We are supposed to be going away in a big group next weekend and now I feel I can't go. How can I knowing she thinks this?

Any advice? (apart from have a wash!) I know it seems so easy but I feel stuck and a bit panicky and overwhelmed.

Sorry, this turned out really long - only practical advice, no criticism. Short term is obvious - clean yourself every day and definitely the morning of/day before you go. Where you're going will almost certainly have a shower so that'll be easier. Long term - make it a habit again, and set yourself a promise of never leaving the house without a bath/shower. I get it with the baths, that's hard when you're bigger, I haven't had one in about 20 years! 😂 They're also super time consuming and a waste of water. If you can't get a shower, get one of those fixtures that is a shower head and taps all in one, you can get it attached to the wall above the bath so it'll be just like a shower, there are brackets you can get. Anyone you know who's reasonably handy will be able to fit it, you won't necessarily need a professional. We used that for years, you just have to get the temperature mix right from the taps! The sore bits in your creases can be a yeast-type skin infection, and they can get a bit smelly, which sounds gross but is easily controlled with the right cream - try a hydrocortisone 1% cream from the supermarket, or a thrush treatment like canestan, use sparingly and only when you feel the itch. I have sensitive skin and use Sanex shower gel and roll on deodorant, which is gentler on your skin than aerosol. Make sure you rinse your body free of soap properly, and dry thoroughly, in all those creases. Similarly with body lotions, make sure they're not settling in there and are well absorbed. As long as you're clean every day, you don't need to shave either, body hair is not unhygienic. Can you tell I'm a fatty yet? Feet - thicken them in moisturiser, like, far far too much, and put socks on overnight. If you really struggle, a podiatrist will do wonders - a lot of their work is basic footcare for people who can't reach their feet so don't worry about it, you're paying them! Also, improving your hygiene will help with getting out of that low mood, and might even be the first step on getting into a healthier eating pattern. Sounds easy, I know, and it's not, but you CAN do it, your first step is that you posted here. With love xxx

Wash your bottom sheet every week at 60 degrees.
The duvet can be flipped over to 'use' the other side (don't put the feet area next to your face; flip it side-to-side not top-to-bottom), so the cover can be washed every other week at 60 degrees.
Towels, t-shirts, socks and underpants also at 60 degrees - separate these out from all your other clothes that can be washed at much lower energy-saving temperatures.
All of the above with a biological washing powder. If you are sensitive, try setting the machine to 'extra rinse'.

60 degrees kills way more bacteria than 40 degrees.

Like I need to put it on a to do list or I'll forget I need to do it. It also comes around so quickly and I feel like I've only just done it.

if that would help, then do it. I can’t believe how fast the days whizz past and it can literally feel like no time at all since you’ve changed sheets, towels, washed your hair etc.

i have incredibly sensitive skin and have much stronger BO since peri/menopause. The only strong deodorant I can use is Sure Maximum Protection Deodorant stick (about £5). Even then I went for a walk yesterday and had to put my t shirt straight in the wash because my armpits were a bit rank.

For soap - oilatum or other emollient cream. Dove soap brings me out in a rash.

i wear make-up but think I’m the only one of my friends who does and they all look fine without it. I just feel I look unwell so use some tinted moisturiser, blusher and lipstick but I don’t think it should be a priority unless it’s something you particularly want to do.

is your bathroom due for an update? I’m in a HA flat and about 5 years ago they refurbed all the bathrooms . I don’t think it’s a lot to expect that you have a shower. Esp with rising fuel/water bills. I’d definitely ask. Are you able to get into and out of the bath ok. If not I’d speak to your HA and see if there’s any chance of them moving you to more suitable housing or putting a wet room into yours ? If you get a letter from your GP to support your needs that would be a help.

im sure you can get this sorted. It must have been hard to hear but shows your friend values you so much that she talked to you about it. It would be very easy to not do that because it takes courage to do. Good luck OP. You can do this,

If you have skin folds that never seem to smell fresh (and maybe get a red rash) try an anti fungal body wash. It really works! For years even after thorough showering and defoliating my arms (and body) would still smell faintly vinegary. I tried all kinds of shower creams/gels etc but perfumed ones were wasted. Then I found anti fungal body wash and it's been a revelation. I would recommend it to anyone. it even works on manky scaly feet.

I would:

Bath once a day, preferably on the morning. Twice if could manage.

Hair washed every other day, dry shampoo in between.
Clean clothes every day.
Bed sheets changed once a week.
Teeth twice twice day at least.
Face washed morning and night.
Deodorant.
Light spray of perfume if you are not sensitive to smells.
Nails are nice painted in my opinion but if that's that's your thing clipped short and clean.

Did your friend tell you specifically what it was?

You will get there xx

You could also carry a mini deodorant spray with you just in case and chewing gum.

It does not sound like you have a personal hygiene issue. Hair cuts, hair dye and nail polish are about style not hygiene.

I wash my hair every 3 days. I have never had my nails done and I rarely wear makeup. I do always wear clean clothes, clean my teeth twice a day, wash daily... If you don't have a shower then an old-fashioned sink and flannel job can do in the mornings and a quick bath before bed.

I am a healthy weight though and find it easy to be. I can imagine that it must be a real struggle being big in the summer heat and I feel huge compassion for people who struggle with their weight. It is really hard for working Mums to find the time to look after ourselves. I walk the dog and do a lot of gardening, but I know I should go to a gym, drink more water, remember to moisturise my face before bed... and I rarely do, so I know I would be a useless dieter. However, it sounds like losing a little weight would help your confidence enormously.

DS had a flatmate who was a lovely lad but so smelly. He used to shower daily with shower gel but the problems were elsewhere. DS and the others (all boys) just made fun of him but he was thrown out of his subsequent mixed flat share because of it!

Here are a few ideas.

Wet shoes. Rain, mud and sweat are a nasty combination. Also bare feet in slippers or trainers. Wash shoes if possible and dry outside. If not, sprinkle inside and out with bicarbonate of soda.

Low temperature “eco” machine washes. Clothes aren’t cleaned properly, stay fusty and infect other new things. Leaving sweaty clothes in sports bags or washing basket was also a problem. 60 degrees wash + for sweaty stuff and sheets.

Oily hair and skin. Dirty pillowcases spread the nastiness night after night.
OP, throw away any greasy pillowcases as hot washing just cooks the grease into them. Buy cotton ones and pre-treat from now on with washing up liquid.

Inefficient (I suspect no) deodorant. Mitchum or Perspirex (££).

He had lactose intolerance that gave him gas and bad breath. The spicy food he enjoyed came out in his sweat.

OP, I see you’ve got Sudocrem for intertrigo. DD was a breastfed chubster so she got sweaty and smelly neck folds, solved with Sudocrem. Talcum powder was definitely not the solution.

Hey OP I have some really bad depressive episodes (not saying that’s what you’re going through) but when I’m in them I find sticking to a schedule can be really helpful. Such as changing the bedding every Monday. Even if it takes me all day to do it, I get it done.

can you make a bit of a pamper out of having a wash, like Monday is exfoliation day. Tuesday is hair wash day etc etc. Get yourself some new products and set it all up nice in the bathroom so when you go to do your wash in the morning/evening you feel a bit glamorous doing it? Maybe even find a podcast to listen to while you’re doing it. I’ve also found bath robes help me as I hate towels. I have a few robes and I alternate them whilst washing and drying the others as they get a bit smelly.

Forget about doing your feet yourself btw, go treat yourself to a pedicure

A few tips from personal experience...

Under the tummy - lanacane (the original one) for when it is sore and itchy and inflamed. Lanacane anti-chafe is good too to avoid it getting that way.

For days when you're not going out (because this can show through clothing) - fold a soft cottony pillowcase into three, lengthways so you have a long strip made of many layers. Pop that under your tummy so its not sat skin to skin but also NOT dragging on fabric (a single or even double layer of fabric can cause dragging and thats horrible and will absolutely make matters worse).

After a wash - dry under your tummy with the hair dryer, this gets you properly dry without rubbing at skin and damaging already thin, stretched skin further. Do under boobs like that too, its v good!

If you are struggling to get in the bath (I can't any more, at all, its too narrow even if I could, theres too much me and not enough water!) and don't have a shower... obviously, push to get a shower fitted but...

There are some fabulous 'shower wet wipes' out there now, much thicker than a baby wipe and a much nicer texture - if you're freshing up between baths they do a really good job (they DON'T if you haven't washed in ages and expect them to do a full scrub down!) - look on amazon! Some you can put the whole pack in the microwave for a few seconds to warm them up so it feels more like a hot wash.

I have a C Section pouch. I only use simple soap for washing and apply some sudocrem after dabbing dry if it gets a bit inflamed under it. Cotton pants also to allow it to breath. A long brush to give your feet a scrub and get some anti fungal foot powder. If your feet are clean and fresh maybe someone would help you with your nails?

I think you just need to up your game a little OP and definitely get away as you will benefit from the trip. I know what it's like though, I'm sitting here knowing I need a shower and really can't be bothered either and I'm not depressed.

Damn meant to mention feet too.

Soak em in a bowl of water, the other option is to get a bath board across the bath, sit on that and fill up the bath so you're soaking your feet - being nearer the taps you can also reach more of yourself with a 'plug into the taps' shower set.

I find I can shove one foot a bit of the way into an exfoliating glove and use it to scrub the other foot, then swap, or grip the glove with my toes to rub the other foot against and once feet are soaked well, thats remarkably effective.

You can also get suction mounted pumice type things and pumice stones on an angled stick for reaching feets.

OP, I hope the support on this thread helps you.

I just wanted to say, please don't give up on your weekend. Even if you haven't got your products yet, you're obviously going to do what you can to address the situation, so do what you can in the meantime. It would have taken a lot for your friend to discuss this with you, so I think they're someone who really cares/likes you and they wouldn't want you to miss out on the weekend either.

Do you live with anyone? If so, soak your feet in warm soapy water and see if they can help cut your nails, use a foot file on them. Might just make you feel better about them while you wait for an appointment.

What a weirdly defensive response to an OP who is clearly struggling.

I’m really glad you’ve had such kind advice on this thread, OP. Treasure the friend who told you. It won’t have been easy for her to say something and I am sure you can count on her support as you start making positive changes in your self-care.

Have you tried putting a small towel inbetween the folds of skin under the bottom of your stomach? This will absorb any moisture and perspiration and help you to stop getting sore. Just wash and dry the area thoroughly using something like Simple Soap, as the highly perfumed body washes and deodorants can actually make matters worse and irritate into causing more soreness. Make sure to wash and dry your clothing daily, along with towels, and a bedding change and wash at least once a week on a fairly hot wash.
Try asking for a Occupational Therapist referral at your Doctors surgery to sort out the shower installation problem, they sometimes can get them fitted for free where their is a real social/Medical need. Your GP surgery can also prescribe specialist wash Mousse and creams to deal with the skin problems.

I find Cuticura medicated talc really good under my breasts and on my C section scar in summer.

Whilst you're waiting for the HA, I'd recommend a camping shower. I had this when the bathroom water supply went kaput.

LIBERRWAY Portable Shower Camping Travel Shower https://amzn.eu/d/dFrKjnP

Fill a bucket with warm water and pop it into your bath, then put the pump into the bucket. Use the shower to wet your skin, then whilst you are soaping up, put the shower head in the bucket so you're not wasting water.

It's much easier to manage daily showers than baths.

You mentioned feeling panicky too - do you drink a lot of coffee? I cut out caffeine 2.5 years ago (used to start my day with a large Costa) and it's helped reduce my anxiety levels.

Re your feet I looked at mine when the sandals came out and thought how bad they looked. I also struggle to reach them to cut and polish them and deal with the dead skin on the heels. I googled foot care and found a lovely clinic where they did all that for me a couple of weeks ago. I feel so much better and it was well worth the £30 I paid. I actually enjoy looking at my painted toes in sandals now whereas before my feet were an embarrassment. I’m going to keep going every few weeks now I’ve realised it’s so easy so I recommend it (as long as the price is ok for you of course)

It sounds as though you suffer from thrush. It may be this on your tummy and possibly in your groin. You can buy Dactacort cream over the counter from the pharmacy.This would help. When you have dried yourself with a towel, Use your hair dryer on a cool setting to dry under your breasts,tummy and groin areas.
Don't give up, all the helpful comments on mumsnet,you'll soon be as fresh as a daisy. x

And agree with people who have said don’t give up your weekend. Your friend was trying to be nice (in a round about way)and I’m sure wouldn’t want you becoming isolated. I’m sure you will take extra care with hygiene now it has been pointed out but there’s no need to go to extremes or think you have to be the smartest person there, you don’t

If it's your skin and toes then that's none of her business. My feet are gross because my toenails snapped when something heavy was dropped on my foot. I also have awful eczema.

Im perfectly hygienic despite having bad skin and toes. That's not cleanliness that's aesthetic.

Shower every day or every other day. Deodorant, wash hands, wash bits and feet, hair washed and dried and you're clean as a whistle.

OP, luckily I have a double shower unit that was here when I moved in, and no bath, but I understand your comments about it being difficult to get in and out of a bath as I struggle too because of my knees. I only do it on holiday and am starting to look now to book places with showers that are not over a bath.

I think you need to look into the possibility of changing your bath for a shower only due to safety reasons. That would help you to remain clean.

Failing that, if I have a non shower day, then I use wet wipes to clean the areas that might get horrible. It helps to stay clean and feel fresh.

I see a chiropodist every 6-8 weeks who cuts my nails and cuts dead skin off my feet so that keeps them under control.

Canesten is great for those folds/creased areas and once you clear any sore spots and keep them clean daily they shouldn't keep coming back.

There are several things that you can use to wash with that don't have the harshness of soap, like E45.

I would suggest asking your friend who was brave to broach this
’When you say personal hygiene what do you mean? Is it that I smell or look greasy/dirty. I really appreciate your honesty’
you could do with knowing and now is a good time to ask.

Use a product such as dermol in place of a soap that will irritate the skin. Don't put anything like tissue or fabrics that will chafe against damaged skin. Keep the area washed, dry well and apply creams to aid the healing of the skin. Go for a gentle one, a pharmacist can help with that. I've had a client who suffers from bad sweat rashes find good results from the Asda baby cream (it's something like cream to talc dry) it doesn't have talc in but it leaves him feeling dry, after he's washed. Sometimes trial and error help.

Well worth treating yourself to good professional foot maintenance, don't be embarrassed! So many people don't really deal with footcare.

After a bath, mitchum roll on at all creases/folds, not just armpits, between boobs too.