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Original poster

DH using toilet for DT’s when out

655 replies

Silverbirch123 · 27/07/2022 13:33

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/07/2022 14:49

justasking111 · 27/07/2022 14:45

I was at a graduation ceremony last week people were using the ladies, gents and accessible toilets. It was a Time sensitive day so everyone was in a rush

Meaning those people who had no choice but the wait for the accessible toilet are the ones who stand least chance of getting there and highest chance of being left in an uncomfy situation.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/07/2022 14:49

I'm fascinated to learn how I change a babies nappy on a wiped loo seat whilst preventing them falling down the pan

You use the baby changing facilities provided or sit with the lid down and lay them over your lap. If they are old enough, they can swap to pull ups - easier to get on and off.

HaveringWavering · 27/07/2022 14:50

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 27/07/2022 14:10

I find it frankly gobsmacking how many posters are saying just use the accessible toilet.

Why ? The clue is in the name. It is the only toilet that is accessible to him in his situation as a man with two small girls.

Most disabled toilets have baby changing in them anyway so they are clearly made available to parents. In many places there is only one toilet-an accessible one- for everybody.

My brother is a wheelchair user. He has no problem queuing for the toilet just like did before he severed his spinal cord.
People with disabilities which mean they suffer from urgency can’t expect toilets to be 100% empty all the time- what would they do if my brother was in one for example?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2022 14:50

What if they were twin boys? What toilet would he take them to?

Original poster
Silverbirch123 · 27/07/2022 14:50

Subbaxeo · 27/07/2022 14:47

In my mind, it’s sensible to take them to the women’s. I don’t think young girls should be taken to urinals. I think we’ve got so worked up about this that sensible compromise is shouted down as abuse. As soon as they’re old enough, they can go by themselves but would not expect my young daughter to have to walk pass men in urinalysis and use dirty toilets. Obviously, the accessible loo should be used if available-but what have we come to when a father trying to help his young daughters is met with condemnation?

Thank you

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 27/07/2022 14:50

Obviously, the accessible loo should be used if available-but what have we come to when a father trying to help his young daughters is met with condemnation?

Kids do not automatically turn men into virtuous human beings. You can be a dad and a creep.

BongoJim · 27/07/2022 14:50

This reply has been deleted

This post has been deleted as it breaks out Talk guidelines.

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 14:51

what happens when there are male cleaners in the toilet?

It’s a question that never gets answered on these threads. Odd, isn’t it?

Thelnebriati · 27/07/2022 14:51

This is a problem because in general men are so dismissive of there being a problem, and don't seem to campaign for better facilities.

justasking111 · 27/07/2022 14:51

diddl · 27/07/2022 14:44

That would certainly be a help wouldn't it?

Isn't it quite usual for there to be only one cubicle also?

Imagine having to wait because all the cubicles are in use...

Show quote history

Friends have refurbed a restaurant, they've done away with the urinals and put in cubicles only. I think urinals are a leftover from the Day when men would drink 12 pints on pay day. They're just not needed

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/07/2022 14:51

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 14:51

what happens when there are male cleaners in the toilet?

It’s a question that never gets answered on these threads. Odd, isn’t it?

I answered it above.

Spikeyball · 27/07/2022 14:51

If he doesn't want to take them in the men's he needs to find out where the single unisex toilets are and use them. Ds is disabled but cannot use all disabled toilets so we need to plan what we do around suitable toilet access and he can do the same.

caringcarer · 27/07/2022 14:52

Under no circumstances should a man enter ladies toilets. There are other options he could do. Order a radar key for disabled loos, go into cafe, shopping centre, park etc. Girls should go to toilet before they leave home. If he does not want to take them into men's toilets he should put a nappy on to them until they get home. Women should not have their safe spaces invaded by men. He could ask a female to take them in. I asked my dh what he would do and he said if he could he would take them to unisex or disabled but if not available carry them into the men's and take wipes to clean seat for them to sit on. If it was truly disgusting he said he would wait outside ladies and ask a female if she would take them for him. He would never go into female toilet making women feel uncomfortable.

Glittertwins · 27/07/2022 14:52

We always used the family / mixed sex ones for this.

Sirzy · 27/07/2022 14:52

HaveringWavering · 27/07/2022 14:50

Why ? The clue is in the name. It is the only toilet that is accessible to him in his situation as a man with two small girls.

Most disabled toilets have baby changing in them anyway so they are clearly made available to parents. In many places there is only one toilet-an accessible one- for everybody.

My brother is a wheelchair user. He has no problem queuing for the toilet just like did before he severed his spinal cord.
People with disabilities which mean they suffer from urgency can’t expect toilets to be 100% empty all the time- what would they do if my brother was in one for example?

Show quote history

Because every extra person that uses it because it’s a bit easier for them means they likelihood of someone with a disability which impacts their bowels and/or bladder having an accident.

most places have one accessible toilet, that itself isn’t accessible to many (see changing places campaign). Of course sometimes you will have to wait while someone who is disabled uses it but that doesn’t justify people who aren’t disabled using it.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/07/2022 14:53

justasking111 · 27/07/2022 14:45

I was at a graduation ceremony last week people were using the ladies, gents and accessible toilets. It was a Time sensitive day so everyone was in a rush

You do realise disabled people go to graduation ceremonies too? Fortunately when I went to DS2’s there wasn’t a queue of people using the accessible toilet so I was able to use it with ease.

BongoJim · 27/07/2022 14:53

Samcro · 27/07/2022 14:37

yeah and you can have the disability too.

Show quote history

I have both 😃

Electriq · 27/07/2022 14:54

I wouldn't be fussed in this circumstance, although I think he should shout in to give the heads up

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 14:55

If he does not want to take them into men's toilets he should put a nappy on to them until they get home.

This is getting utterly ridiculous now.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/07/2022 14:55

I wonder if he will be motivated by his experiences to contact the owners of the loos and notify them of how poorly kept the men's loos are, and ask for them to put something in place with the accessible loo.

Or will he just continue using the wrong sex loos and not caring about those who they are for.

Goldbar · 27/07/2022 14:55

Sexnotgender · 27/07/2022 14:50

What if they were twin boys? What toilet would he take them to?

Yes - why is it OK that small boys have to use filthy toilets?

Original poster
Silverbirch123 · 27/07/2022 14:56

caringcarer · 27/07/2022 14:52

Under no circumstances should a man enter ladies toilets. There are other options he could do. Order a radar key for disabled loos, go into cafe, shopping centre, park etc. Girls should go to toilet before they leave home. If he does not want to take them into men's toilets he should put a nappy on to them until they get home. Women should not have their safe spaces invaded by men. He could ask a female to take them in. I asked my dh what he would do and he said if he could he would take them to unisex or disabled but if not available carry them into the men's and take wipes to clean seat for them to sit on. If it was truly disgusting he said he would wait outside ladies and ask a female if she would take them for him. He would never go into female toilet making women feel uncomfortable.

Do you have children? They aren’t feckin robots that you can programme! They have normal bodily functions, they have tiny bladders that don’t hold much and as for putting a nappy back on a fully toilet trained child then the world has gone totally batshit

OP posts:
Schoolchoicesucks · 27/07/2022 14:57

This same "question" was posted a couple of weeks ago.

Adult men have no business being in the women's toilets.

If there was no changing facilities in the men's, it's likely that they were in the accessible toilets. So designed to be used by people with disabilities who need the space and privacy and for those with small children who need space for buggies and a changing table.

If there were no changing facilities available, his choices are either to change in the buggy/on the floor using a small changing mat and wipes, then nipping into the men's toilets to wash up. Or to find suitable facilities, like in a cafe. And perhaps plan future trips to places with facilities, lobby for better provisions for dads with kids. Not to use facilities for women.

silverbubbles · 27/07/2022 14:57

I don't think he should be in the ladies loo.

calmlakes · 27/07/2022 14:58

My DH used the accessible loos with our DTs if he needed to.
But we had already both had to use them a fair bit before because most single sex loos don't fit a double buggy.