Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH using toilet for DT’s when out

655 replies

Silverbirch123 · 27/07/2022 13:33

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

OP posts:
AppleBottomRats · 27/07/2022 23:12

Am I the only woman who has never heard sanpro rustling in a public toilet?

mathanxiety · 27/07/2022 23:42

Do you mind my asking why you're challenging women's boundaries?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to. If I have offended you, then I apologise.

But I am not challenging women's (plural) boundaries. I don't think you speak for all women. I don't think all women by any stretch of the imagination are concerned about audible sanpro.

letsghostdance · 27/07/2022 23:44

I really don't think a man would give a shit about hearing someone open a sanitary towel, Jesus Christ. There are more important things to worry about. Locked cubicles. In a room. It's not that deep. Just use wherever there's space.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 27/07/2022 23:46

He should plan better or buy a travel potty so that he can make a safe space for them. We use one in the car boot for our parade of children when the public toilets are too far.

He is not female, and therefore he should not be in the women's bathrooms.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/07/2022 23:47

Totally ridiculous that people think little girls shouldn’t be exposed to mucky loos. Presumably if you had sons he wouldn’t use the ladies? All your DDs will see (apart from the one-off pooing man which is odd and rare and could happen in the ladies too) is a load of men’s backs. What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/07/2022 23:48

GrinAndVomit · 27/07/2022 19:21

My daughter is coming up 6. She now uses a cubicle independently and will go out and wash her hands and wait for me to finish.
My daughter’s right to do this safely, without being confronted with a strange male in there, trumps your husband’s lazy, adult entitlement and I would be more than happy tell him so if we ever happened to cross paths.

100% this.

And he’s probably never been challenged because to challenge and man brazen and arrogant enough to use the ladies loo is a move many women wouldn’t dare make for fear of their safety. Why should they trust he’s a nice harmless chap?

5zeds · 27/07/2022 23:50

@letsghostdance I really don't think a man would give a shit about hearing someone open a sanitary towel well how gallant of them.Confused. I would imagine it’s women who would mind.

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 23:59

What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

The double standards here are mind blowing. So little girls’ exposure to men with their penui out is “precious” while women’s exposure to a fully clothed man standing outside a row of cubicles with doors is an outrage.

5zeds · 28/07/2022 00:03

Presumably a 3 year old going to the gents to pee with her Dad IS safer than a 7 year old going to the ladies to pee with an invading adult male she doesn’t know? I mean logically we all know this because it’s exactly WHY there are single sex spaces in the first place.

mathanxiety · 28/07/2022 00:08

What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

The double standards here are mind blowing. So little girls’ exposure to men with their penui out is “precious” while women’s exposure to a fully clothed man standing outside a row of cubicles with doors is an outrage.

Nail on the head there, @Blossomtoes .

mathanxiety · 28/07/2022 00:09

Why would you imagine women would mind, @5zeds?

letsghostdance · 28/07/2022 00:13

5zeds · 27/07/2022 23:50

@letsghostdance I really don't think a man would give a shit about hearing someone open a sanitary towel well how gallant of them.Confused. I would imagine it’s women who would mind.

Well then be bigger? Don't care? If you're opening sanitary protection there's nothing to be embarrassed about. And if you are, maybe you need to look at your own response to your environment.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 28/07/2022 00:29

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 23:59

What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

The double standards here are mind blowing. So little girls’ exposure to men with their penui out is “precious” while women’s exposure to a fully clothed man standing outside a row of cubicles with doors is an outrage.

They’re at urinals, they won’t see a penis, and they have an adult with them. I have no idea if the fully grown man is nice, safe, there for the right reasons. I’d be inclined to think not seeing as there’s a men’s toilet he can use.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 28/07/2022 00:30

mathanxiety · 28/07/2022 00:08

What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

The double standards here are mind blowing. So little girls’ exposure to men with their penui out is “precious” while women’s exposure to a fully clothed man standing outside a row of cubicles with doors is an outrage.

Nail on the head there, @Blossomtoes .

Yeah, fuck women, their rights to privacy and safety, in case a little girl who is safe with her dad sees a man’s back

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 28/07/2022 00:31

mathanxiety · 28/07/2022 00:09

Why would you imagine women would mind, @5zeds?

I’d mind. I wouldn’t want a man outside while I change a sanitary towel. I would t want a man in the ladies full stop though even if I just went in a cubicle to do a merry dance. It’s not their space, they’re never a reason for them to be there

5zeds · 28/07/2022 00:51

I mind because I don’t advertise when I have my period to people in general but to men I’m not sleeping with in particular. Am I supposed to be ashamed of that? FFS

5zeds · 28/07/2022 00:58

@letsghostdance Well then be bigger? Don't care? seriously? Are you seriously suggesting that it’s “bigger” to force yourself to accept men in female spaces? It sounds more like making yourself very small to accommodate what others want, squishing down your concerns and removing your boundaries to accommodate. Fuck that.

mathanxiety · 28/07/2022 01:07

@5zeds - of course you shouldn't feel bad for minding if a man you're not sleeping with knows you have your period. I am sorry if I have given the impression that anyone should feel ashamed for feeling a particular way.

I am interested in the secrecy around periods that I've seen here (including outrage at the idea of allowing women visiting one's home to deposit their used sanpro in a bathroom bin and keeping spare sanpro in an easy to see spot in a bathroom for visitors to use).

Do women who feel as you do share your homes with older teen DSs or DSs in their 20s?

CrossStitch87 · 28/07/2022 02:24

But…how are unisex toilets any better?! You’re still having men and women in the same space, with all the same issues?

is the suggestion that place should have male, female, accessible AND unisex because that’s not very realistic really.

also - do you think a man in a dress is going to choose to go into the unisex toilet. Lolz.

Svadhyaya · 28/07/2022 07:13

Maybe the solution is to do away with urinals altogether and have the men's toilets laid out more like women's given that urinals seem to be the sticking point here.

FindingMeno · 28/07/2022 07:27

Generally I say no men in women's loos...but....if with a baby or little daughter, I would be OK so long as intention to enter was announced.

deedledeedledum · 28/07/2022 07:28

@GrinAndVomit My daughter’s right to do this safely, without being confronted with a strange male in there, trumps your husband’s lazy, adult entitlement and I would be more than happy tell him so if we ever happened to cross paths.
Wow. Bit of a judge-y leap there Petal. A dad taking his much loved girls out trying to figure out what is best for his twin DDs is now a lazy, entitled adult. Wow. Do you hate all men or just dads.

Kpo58 · 28/07/2022 07:34

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/07/2022 23:47

Totally ridiculous that people think little girls shouldn’t be exposed to mucky loos. Presumably if you had sons he wouldn’t use the ladies? All your DDs will see (apart from the one-off pooing man which is odd and rare and could happen in the ladies too) is a load of men’s backs. What is so precious about little girls that they must be shielded from this but not little boys?

I would have thought that the main reason for not wanting girls in a mucky men's toilet is so that they don't get infections from sitting on a urine soaked seat, whereas boys can stand up to see, so don't have that problem.

Sirzy · 28/07/2022 07:37

Kpo58 · 28/07/2022 07:34

I would have thought that the main reason for not wanting girls in a mucky men's toilet is so that they don't get infections from sitting on a urine soaked seat, whereas boys can stand up to see, so don't have that problem.

Show quote history

many Boys when first potty trained sit down. Some prefer sitting down full stop.

if he is really worried about the minute infection risk the surely he can wipe the seat first?

Svadhyaya · 28/07/2022 07:47

Ultimately the reasons we don't want him in there shouldn't matter.
He is not female therefore shouldn't be in there. We don't need to give reasons.