DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

I think 5 years ago this would have been a non issue for most, sure Dad can take little girls into the ladies. However, we are now in a position where a group of loud aggressive males are demanding access to female spaces. So rightly, very many females are angry and have drawn a hard line against it. I dont know what the answer is, but I do know where I lay the blame for it becoming such an issue.

I think that arguments are being confused with this one. Yes, I agree that there needs to be safe space for women. However, my daughter requires a safe space too, she does no need to be around men urinating. My 2 year old DD is a woman too, why is she not allowed a safe space.

so to achieve that, my husband would be generally unable to take her out for any length of time under these requirements. Therefore, it means women muct be the primary carers. As a staunch feminist this seems unfair to me.

we are not talking about men invading womens spaces we are talking about a father trying to create a safe space for his daughter.

You don't make a safe space for your dd by making it an unsafe space for everyone else in it.

This.

At my local shopping centre there is one toilet that I can use (wheelchair user). I have lost count of the amount of accidents I have had whilst waiting outside the toilet while parents are in there with their children. There are 2 baby change cubicles right next door.

What really riles me is when the baby change facilities are in the same space as the disabled facilities!

OP says after going into the ladies with his daughters he's decided the smell of man piss is to strong for his delicate senses and now chooses to use the ladies instead.
He needs to get over himself.

And no, however rank the men's toilets are, and he's had a football season ticket for most of his life, my husband doesn't use the ladies toilets and he doesn't use the disabled toilets because he respects women and he respects himself.

But a man invading women’s space in order to create a safe space for his daughters is exactly what we are talking about?

Men (fathers) need to address why and when it became acceptable to them to have such disgusting spaces themselves and do something about it.

What about safe spaces for other people's DDs?

I honestly wouldn't care. I happily use the men's when the women's toilets are queued out. When there's locking cubicles there's no need for those cubicles to be in different rooms.

@WiddlinDiddlin sadly, your idea of talking to the store will not make the slightest difference. All that would make a difference would be for parents with small children to boycott the stores for a very long time, on a national basis.

And while we are on the topic, if you are a woman taking your child (boy or girl) into a women's loo PLEASE CLEAN THE SEAT AFTERWARDS.

It's very noticeable now it's school holidays that women's loos used by kids are being left with urine on the seats and sometimes all over the floor. Often it's little boys who are using them with their mums standing outside the cubicle.

I'm sure people will jump, but first choice is always the disabled, he can buy a radar key cheaply online.

You clearly haven't been reading most of the thread. The first choice is the able-bodied toilet - if parents can't be arsed to use their own toilets, why invade our space? It isn't like there are that many of them. Perhaps it is about time that radar keys were, like blue badges, only made available to people with proof of disability.

I don’t have a problem when a man is clearly taking his young daughter to the toilet. I have 3 young daughters and although my DH always goes to the dedicated childrens/family toilets this is not always an option. So far he’s always been able to find disabled toilets, I’m not sure if he’d be comfortable using the ladies but I’ve told him that he has to do what he needs to if I’m not around.

There was a man in the ladies que a few weeks ago, his dd was probably about 6, she wanted him to go inside with her but he was trying to be respectful to others, I didn’t have a problem with him but he was getting some dirty looks. He stayed near the door and reassured his dd he wasn’t moving.

The family rooms in NZ are fantastic. Far too much hard work for the UK to think about putting in place though.

So again, where does the Dad go when he needs the toilet while out with his young girl/s? SHould he then use the women's toilets, thus meaning that every other woman and child in the women's toilets are 'around men urinating' or will he then have to take his children into the men's toilets with him?
Again, the solution is not for women to budge up, but for men to campaign for better/more family friendly facilities.

The dds are women too aren't they? Or are you dismissive of younger women's boundaries? Why should underage girls have to go into a space with naked penis' on display?

I would have no problem with this at all. Toilets could be unisex for all I care, just like at home or a friends house.

I have twins and empathise massively because it’s not an easy task in a clean toilet, in a filthy toilet with them touching things and roaming around while you tend to the other one it would be very unpleasant.

I've only ever seen one family toilet. That was in a Debenhams out of our area. It was huge and had two toilets. Great if you have a child who takes ages.

That is NOT what the person said. Weird that you should think it was.

But the dds are women. Why should they have to go into a space with male piss and visible penis's on display bi would have thought protecting little girls from naked make genitals would be a priority

While I take your point, there are some circumstances when able bodied people need a loo very urgently (I have IBS yet would not call myself disabled.) I don't want to be judged or questioned for this just because I look healthy and can walk.

I have used a disabled loo when there are queues for the ladies.

Gloucester services have family rooms. They were invaluable when one grandchild had an accident and needed a change of clothes.

No she didn’t. She said the men’s were unclean and there was a man having a poo with the door open, which is clearly not something you want to expose your daughter to. I’m sure he can put up with the smell since there’s no indication that he uses anything other than the men’s for himself. This is about where he can safely and appropriately take his two three year old daughters to use the loo.

However, my daughter requires a safe space too, she does no need to be around men urinating. My 2 year old DD is a woman too, why is she not allowed a safe space.

She has a safe space. She’s a two year old in the care of her father who, presumably, isn’t going to let her wander from cubicle to cubicle chatting to their users and will take her into a cubicle then straight out again. By that logic, your DH would be using the ladies whenever he was caring for your DD by himself and he needed to use the toilet. And then we have the mens and the unisex.
Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

He needs to use the accessible toilet. Pretty much everywhere has one now, and they aren't just for people with physical disabilities, but for people who for some reason can't use the main facility. Either get a radar key or ask the staff for access. He should not be going into the ladies.

@deedledeedledum What is so horrific about a flaccid penis? As men have their backs to the door in urinals, it's highly unlikely a child would get a glimpse of their penis and in many cases will have seen one already- their Dad's or brother's.

All this bringing up girls with the idea that penises are something to avoid seeing.....where does this come from?