DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

Sorry but he absolutely shouldn’t be using the disabled toilet if neither he or your daughters have a disability.

I would have no problem seeing a man with his daughter in the ladies loo.

I would have no issue at all with this as long as he shouted before coming in to give a warning and any potential person feeling unsafe to say something and also if he hears folk coming in to shout from the cubicle that he is in there with his daughter.

I think mens loos are grim as anything and would rather children have access to clean toilets and girls don't need to see men at urinals

plan ahead. don't use female toilets and plan ahead.

I agree. FGS if he’s changing his little twins he’s hardly up to anything dodgy. A little common sense is in order here.

It wasn't my post but...yes.

And there is nothing wrong with using a disabled loo is someone isn’t waiting for it.
More lack of common sense.

You might be fine but would the 8 year old girl who is using the loo alone be OK? Would the sexual abuse survivor be OK? No, they wouldn't. And if one said, "please don't come in" then he has the same issue, right? Unless he's coming in anyway.

And the argument that men are filthy, dirty pigs who don't have any respect for privacy doesn't really make me want them in women's single sex spaces MORE. If anything, that would be LESS. You do understand that filthy, dirty, disrespectful pigs have children too?

Some interesting debate here, and clearly a need for more family loo options.

But another vote here for women’s loos being only for women. Men have no place there, so your husband’s preferences don’t override those of women using a single sex loo.

He shouldn’t be going in the ladies.

Would you put strangers’ interests ahead of your daughter’s? You’re a pretty unusual parent if you would.

@Thereisnolight of course there is. So he goes in there with twin girls, can imagine it may take a time for the three of them to get sorted. Meanwhile a disabled person turns up who cannot physically use any other toilet and is forced to wait when they may have a disability which means they cannot wait. Now if that toilet is being used by another disabled person fair enough. But not when it’s being used my three non disabled people who have the choice of either the gents or the ladies.

No way a man should go into the ladies.

www.washwareessentials.co.uk/content/unisex-bathroom

Interesting article about unisex bathroom pros and cons

LOL. Where in the Middle East are you? Non-disabled people use disabled spaces and toilets more where I am/have lived (multiple countries in the GCC). In fact I get tutted at for not using the disabled toilet if it's free. It is certainly not less acceptable than drink driving (or in fact being drunk at all) amongst the local population.

I can accept your statement might be true for the particular country you live in but it certainly isn't correct for all of the Middle East.

I’ve just reflected on this having read the full thread and actually changed my mind, I don’t think he should be using the ladies. Just because some women would be alright with it, it doesn’t mean everyone would be so he should stick to the gents and plan ahead like others have said. If he had boys he probably wouldn’t even be thinking of using the ladies and would just have to bear the grottyness of the gents or do something about it.

And what would you say to your dd when she's a bit older and she's weirded out by a man in the women's loos whos not her dad?

Will you care then.as its her discomfort?

The problem with unisex everywhere is that men do tend to be filthier so the toilets would be filthy. This doesn’t bother men as much because they can go standing up but it’s terrible for women (and young children).

How old will the daughters have to be to be safe going by themselves if it’s not a single sex toilet?

I'd tell her that he's someone else's daddy who has come in to look after his daughters

He's putting his daughters first - womens' loos are cleaner* - that is an unfair and slightly extreme comment.

I agree - get the RADAR key.

This is why we need more unisex facilities (and why I agree with mixed changing villages in swimming pools as they are much easier with kids of the opposite sex - I know not every MNer agrees with me).

*given some of the womens' loos I've seen, mens' loos must be truly grim!

Yes there is.

He should definitely NOT use the women's toilets. Does he not realise what women are fighting against at the moment?

Give him a packet of wipes to clean the toilet seat in the mens' toilets if he thinks they are so filthy.

Would you put strangers’ interests ahead of your daughter’s? You’re a pretty unusual parent if you would.

We do all the time. Sharing, taking turns, not using the loo for disabled people and waiting, not screaming at the top of their lungs. People teach their DC consideration all the time. If you don't, you're the unusual one.

Where a small child is concerned we’ll have to differ on that.

I do wonder if men spend as long in a public loo and fart as much as they do at home 🙈