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Original poster

If you met your DH very young, for example under age 20

212 replies

Summerbreeze81 · 25/07/2022 20:56

If you met your DH very young, say under 20, did the relationship last?

Do you feel happy that you always had security or companionship, or do you feel you missed out on dating / sex / other life experience?

I got talking to a lady today who met her husband during uni Freshers week at age 18 and it got me thinking. I personally met my DH at 30 so I can’t imagine what being in a relationship with the same person since 18 must be like. But then obviously I never met someone I wanted to spend my life with at age 18, and if I’d settled down with any of the men I’d dated back then it would have been a disaster!

I’m now early 40s for context.

OP posts:
lugeforlife · 25/07/2022 21:12

My parents met at 18 as first years at uni, started dating at 19 and married at 21. They were married for 50 years before my dad died. PIL almost identical except they married at 19/23.

I was a bit older- 22. Had very casual boyfriends as in lads I went out with for a few weeks or once for a whole term at uni! slept with a couple of randoms but dh my only 'proper' long term relationship. Together 25 years now and no plans to change unless Chris Hemsworth pops round.

Thecatisboss · 25/07/2022 21:12

Met DH at University - I was 21 he was 23 we didn't get married till in our early 30s. Still very happy after 27 years together.

Nintendoswitchedoff · 25/07/2022 21:13

I met DH when we were both 20. 42 now.

I had my fair share of casual sex and dating before that TBH and was already bored of it by 20. Most friends relationships haven't lasted the same time, probably only another couple have TBH. I don't think our relationship is particularly amazing or special. We just kind of bumbled along and had fun together for a few years. Then decided we should probably get a house together. Then thought it was a good idea to get married. We were together about 9 years before we got married and didn't have kids for another two years after that (early 30s). We had plenty of holidays, drunk nights out and fun together. I would definitely feel I'd missed out if we'd been married and had kids by the time we were 25.

We've had our ups and downs. It was very hard after having kids but we have always been committed to making it work for the sake of our kids and being willing to compromise for one another.

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newtb · 25/07/2022 21:14

Met at 19, he was 26. Lasted until I was 61, then I ran for the hills when dd was 20.

namechange7654 · 25/07/2022 21:14

I met my husband when I was 21, but he was 29. We're still together 18 years later, but weirdly the age gap feels bigger now than it did then- I'm still "in my thirties" (just 😉) but he's "nearly 50".

I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything through my twenties. I do now very much hanker after a 00s student night out, too many smirnoff ices, some proper choons, but I never much enjoyed the gross drunken (redbull breath 🤢🤢) snog part of the night anyway. (don't get me wrong - I usually did it! But I didn't often particularly enjoy it really 🤣🤣)

Suprima · 25/07/2022 21:15

I could have easily stayed with my nice enough university boyfriend but he was an absolute lazy fucker and I knew he’d turn me into a nagging fish wife. We were together 6 years too long. We were coming to the age where would have got married, had kids, we owned a house, it would have been the easier option as he was no lazier than say my dad, or male cousin, or my friends boyfriends.

My friends who stayed with their beaus of the same vintage look happy from the outset- but they have husbands or eeeek boyfriends of 12 years who they constantly moan about or have to mummy because they went straight from their mums to them.

I think it can work if the man is genuinely a good one, hard working and a truly equal partner, if you find someone great- hold onto them! But in my experience, the woman has just settled because they have a ready made man for a mortgage application and a marriage, and a wider social circle who they didn’t want to rock the boat and separate.

thenightsky · 25/07/2022 21:15

Met DH at a party when I was 19 and he was 25. Married 42 years this autumn.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 25/07/2022 21:17

Met at 20/21, 3rd/4th year college. Together 16 years. Done most of the big stress tests- married, kids, mortgage, moved house etc. Here for the foreseeable. Don't feel we missed out on anything but maybe it's because we're boring? We spent what we could in our twenties, got a decent mortgage at a good time which doesn't make me resent saving for a house earlier than my friends. Waited 10 years before kids. Only experiences I missed out on was traveling and anonymous sex, and did a fair few holidays and 3 summers abroad in uni so I'm not sure I'd have wanted much more regardless and I don't think I'm built for anonymous sex or sowing wild oats.

Dalaidramailama · 25/07/2022 21:17

Met my husband at age 16 and we have been together ever since. It’s weird actually as it was only yesterday I was reminiscing about how we met. Anyway I’m 34 and he is 37 and we have 3 children, one at secondary and two nearly at secondary. We are from very similar socioeconomic backgrounds (from poverty/similar dynamics) so we have always wanted to create a stable family.

What can I say? We certainly didn’t plan it this way but at the same time we fell madly in love and you know what we still are. We have an amazing marriage, and the sex has always been great. I think because of that I’ve never thought I’ve missed out.

He is a great dad, always helps around the house, is my biggest cheerleader career wise, and is definitely very handsome and I know this because I often clock women second glancing him and I think wives do know when their husbands are classically handsome.

He is absolutely devoted to me so I see no reason other than to sustain the relationship the way it’s always been.

I appreciate we are still in our thirties and life and relationships can change but we have both said it’s important not to take each other for granted and enjoy each day as it comes, and we most certainly do!

Totally love my husband.

twinkletoesimnot · 25/07/2022 21:17

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 25/07/2022 21:09

An old mate of mine met her dh at 12. Married at 16.
Still together just over 50!!
6 dc if I recall!

Sounds like me!

I met him at 11.
He was my boyfriend when I was 13 😂

We got married when I was 16.
6 dc
Been married 25 years next year.

We are very much in love and I thank the stars for him every day. Would do it all again.
Don't feel I missed out on anything.
I have a career, hobbies etc

Jenjenn · 25/07/2022 21:19

Met at 19, in uni. Together 20 years now, married 10 years. We travelled and spent a lot of time studying in our 20s. Bought our home, got married and had dc in our 30s. No regrets, my dh is wonderful.

loveliesbleeding1 · 25/07/2022 21:19

Yep met when I was 16 and he was 19.Been together 30 years,married nearly 27 years ago and we’re still very happy together.Can’t imagine being with anyone else.we both want the same things in life and we’ve managed to do most of what we’ve wanted to do.

princesspeppax · 25/07/2022 21:20

I met my DH and we got together age 12, now 28. DH is all I have ever known, and same with me to him - couldn't imagine it any different now I would not know where to start

NoodleSnow · 25/07/2022 21:20

We met when I was 19 and got together a couple of years later. That was in the mid 90s. Still together now.

Tigerteafor3 · 25/07/2022 21:21

I was 19. Been together 13 years. Married for 6. Pretty happy. I went to uni on the other side of the country, we made it work. We've both lived lives separately and together, we didn't need all our 20s to do so.

autumnboys · 25/07/2022 21:21

I was 19 and he’d just turned 22 when we started dating. We’ve been together ever since, married 23 years, three kids. I have no regrets at all.

80sMum · 25/07/2022 21:22

I met DH when I was 16 and married him when I was 20. We've been married 44 years.

I do sometimes wonder what on earth possessed me to do it! But at the time I wanted my adult life to begin, I wanted to leave home and set up my own home - and getting married was a way to achieve that.

Babyenroute · 25/07/2022 21:23

Met DH at 14, we are only in our mid 30s now but he is 100% my best friend, makes me a better person and I can't imagine life without him. We are now expecting our first child which is very exciting.

MrsMigginsCat · 25/07/2022 21:24

Met DH at 20. Been together 30 years, married 22. We've shared tough times, serious illness, 2 DC and many good times. We're strong together. He's my rock.

Helenloveslee4eva · 25/07/2022 21:25

Met at 18. Married 33yrs. It’s just lovely. .

Octomore · 25/07/2022 21:26

We're going strong after 20+ years. When it's right, it's right, regardless of how old you happen to be when you meet.

Halfarsedjingler · 25/07/2022 21:26

I met my dh when I was 18, I had 1 fairly wild year before that. We have even together over 20 yrs and married for 15 and are mostly very happy. Part of me wished I had had more time to do things on my my own, travel more etc, but we also had children very young, so we probably would have done more of that together anyway.

sageandbasil · 25/07/2022 21:26

We met when I was 19 and I'm now 31 and we've just had our first child. I missed out on dating etc but we've had an incredible life together so far

Newsernames · 25/07/2022 21:27

Met at 18, we are now 41. Very happy. Love him to bits still. It’s always felt lovely and right so haven’t really thought about missing out on anything. Being with him has given me a very charmed life so if anything I feel grateful. With my mercenary head on, the truth is I would not have been able to attract anyone like him had I left it later.

AFootstepAway · 25/07/2022 21:28

We were late teens, friends for a bit, then eventually got together. Married with kids for decades now and still really happy together. Can't imagine anyone else I'd be interested in tbh.

When we went to Uni we acknowledged it would be a 'test' and see what happened. Also we lived together with others to start with, not just on our own. It's great we have so many shared memories. I can't even really say we've had 'ups and downs' - maybe it felt like it a bit when we were younger.

I do agree it's rare, and you need to know yourself pretty well when you're young and be lucky enough to meet the right person. I also got to know his family pretty well when we were young and they are lovely, and looking back obviously did a fantastic job of bringing up their kids.

Got some friends who met at uni and are still together. Others who have been married a couple of times. It's not a reflection on anyone in particular but how life pans out.