You’re a burglar, BUT you can only steal…

[MzHz]

… things that mildly inconvenience your victim.

what are you taking?

I’m stealing the fronts to all your freezer drawers, and the clips closing your packs of open frozen veg…

I saw this on FB and the comments were hilarious. I’m sure Vipers can do waaaay better!

over to you!

Lighthearted, btw. Just in case the heat gets to anyone and it’s not obvious

T towels and hand towels!
Your last piece of chocolate from the kitchen cupboards.
And while I'm at it I might take your milk out of the fridge, not too take, but just for the inconvenience of off milk!😜

Nutcrackers
Horseradish sauce
The spare set of car keys

The stuff you rely on having, but don't use often enough to notice it's missing until you need it.

Bolts from back of toilet seat. I've lived with a broken bolt in the back of the toilet seat for years and the seat bites me every time I sit down. This is my origin story for when I become a bolt stealing super villain 😈

Leave everything as is, except for the bog roll, which goes on the wrong way round. That should freak the fuckers out.

The middle button from all the winter coats, so you can still close them but there's always a draughty boob gap.
The hooks from all the bras.

We had a burglar like this years ago! They stole random items from our shed every so often for a while - part tubes of sealant, string, that sort of thing. It was definitely someone coming in because you could see where they'd trampled into the garden from the back.

Irritating but not annoying enough to make us put on a padlock, mostly because the shed was a bit crap, and we thought they might then smash the door. It stopped after a while (maybe they finished their DIY project? or realised most of our part tubes/tins of things were old and useless and found a better shed)

I'm going to swap some of the letters on your laptop.
Then I'll nick the knobs of your cooker, the flap off the inside of your letterbox and the base for your cordless kettle.

<cackles madly>

I wouldn't take anything BUT I would lovely undo all the connection cables for the electric alliances including TV & games console. And then hide all the chargers in the linen cupboard.

Oh the joy! 😈

Your spare vacuum cleaner bags and filters

<remembering a thread from a while ago>

The ironing board

🤦🏻‍♀️ should read Apliances!

water. and ice cubes. and one glass on all fresh juices. Help. It's hot in here.

False teeth

Milk
sugar
chocolate
pen
phone chargers

The plug off the kettle cord…

All the Cutlery, leaving you fewer than you need for everyone in the house and it's toddler training cutlery.

Most of all the batteries leaving you a few but not enough for anything that needs them.

All the lightbulbs you can only get from Ikea.

Extension leads and adaptor plugs.

All the sunglasses including the shit emergency ones.

Every pair of mine has disappeared and it's a pain in the arse.

The washers from your taps so that they
drip,
drip,
drip.
Your make up remover.
The Ring bell app from your phone.

The lettuce for the massive salad

I wish I’d done some of these when my twat-pot ex left. He took a little case and a backpack and came back for the rest a few hours later.

I wasted those hours. Oh the things I could have taken out of the big pile I made on the bedroom floor. 😂

I did chuck loads of crap on top of his freshly-pressed-from-the-dry-cleaners suits and shirts though. And then really scrunched them in. But imagine if I’d binned all his left shoes and socks! And the head off his toothbrush! And filled his hair loss spray stuff with nair water.

I would delete all the recordings on your planner and then set up a series link for Homes Under The Hammer, A Place In The Sun and Wheeler Dealers.

😱

All the screws from the light switch and electric socket plates.

Remote controls for tv. Lists and calendars.
Childs favourite bedtime story. All the ink from all biros. Would leave the nib but cut off ink cartridges.

R