Things that happened to you that you thought would never happen to someone like you?

[besentsl]

Me… abortion. Thought it happened to other women.

Later on a single parent. Was not at all what I thought I would allow to happen but of course you learn life isn’t like that! Many people said they couldn’t believe it had happened as I’m quite conservative and careful but it did!

Sometimes I don’t recognise me though I am still me. Anyone else experienced this?

Fertility. I thought everyone over 30 was slow to conceive, and women over 35 had huge problems conceiving. Not true...

Relationships, Marriage, home-ownership, career (and kids ❗) : still astounded. Was sure no one would want me, and I'd never enjoy having kids, I couldn't organise myself to hold down a job or be financially secure.

Load of health problems in my 20s, when so young (after a few years all manageable or recovered).

Splitting from my ex, losing my kids to him due to my mental health & being on the bones of my arse (lost my job) having no family or friends for help or support, then facing being homeless soon too!

I was born in the USSR. Once I have opened my school book of English, looked at the picture of Big Ben and sighed: what is the point, I am never going to see it!
And here I am, have been living in England for the last 20 years and Big Ben is on my for step

Loosing my mum at 21 and my dad at 36. I'd thought I'd have a few years with them together.

Love this 💜

Living with a bloke for 30 years, and waking up at 68 to realise he'll never get a job, has used me, and is a selfish bastard. If I look back to when I was 17/18 this is not the future I imagined for myself. I've been a fool, but too late now to change. I've got no family and friends, that hasn't helped.

That is become seriously addicted to alcohol and go to rehab for 12 weeks to try and overcome it.😥Drinking was all fun and games in my 20s but when I was around 32 a habit became an addiction and I was unable to stop daily drinking.

I did all the things I swore I wouldn't do eg drink in the morning, drink in the night, drink round the clock for days. Here I am 8 years later and still struggling. Quite a few of my friends from rehab have died because of alcohol and still it doesn't stop me. I'm hoping one day I wake up and realise what poison it is. My rational mind knows this but I keep fucking up.

Developing heart disease and having.heart surgery at 32, then having my one and only child at 42, seems a bit wrong way round really

Writing and getting 2 books published. I did extra English in senior school. It was the crap 70s & 80s so by the time they found out I couldn’t read I was so far behind. I worked hard and went to art school and became a designer. In my 40s I produced a cooking blog in my spare time and was asked to write a cook book. I even did tv, radio and magazine articles. Great fun

Firstly actually meeting a man I could trust. (Lots of childhood trauma)

more recently - becoming disabled in my 30s. I have a type of nerve damage caused by a virus that took away the feeling in my legs within a week. I still can’t walk 2 years later and suffer from daily pain. It’s taken my strength, my confidence and my life away.

I look back at what I had and what I did and feel such sadness. I’m hoping that eases over time.

Painkiller addiction

Divorce & being a single parent
Having an affair with a MM
Being widowed at 44

Having a child with a significant disability and his carer still as he reaches 25 and I hit mid 60s.

Having a business that went bust, leaving a lot of people - including me - in a very bad financial position.

With my husband, working our way out of £30k of debt and coming out the other side.

Arthritis and mobility issues - I was always fit and healthy but age does catch up with you; at 60 I feel like it has caught up with me very early on

Breast cancer. Disabled children which led to me having to leave my career and a straight line through to then not being able to afford the dental work I need. I’ve had a good education, I worked in banking. I thought I’d be able to rely on the NHS, but this gang of criminals in government are determined to ruin it, and because of my medical history I can’t afford private care so I must face up to not being able to eat in a few years time. Hurrah!!

Losing my baby boy 3 hours after he was born to an infection. He was healthy but not strong enough. Never thought it would happen to me as he was healthy. We were heart broken but was lucky to had our rainbow baby 18 months after losing our other DS. I will always be so grateful to the Sands forum for the support I received and I am grateful I am a mum to my DC's.

Becoming disabled and overweight. I was very athletic. Rode horses everyday and ran for fun. I could never sit still. I thought I'd be one of those old ladies you see running in marathons and still riding horses well into my 70's.

I became ill in my mid-50's. Autoimmune disease/inflammation that caused spinal problems among other things. I have been taking steroids since 2008 and have gained a lot of weight. I live with pain 24/7, have mobility issues and often fall over. When I fall over I can't get back up unless I have help. This is not me, I often think as I lay face down waiting for help to arrive. I do see a funny side to it all though.

That I would only be able to have one child and that one precious child would have to battle cancer for most of her life. I though cancer happened to other people, and in films and people just got better or died. I didn’t know that sometimes people have to fight for years and years 😞

Becoming a widow aged 44
My First grandson dying aged 2 weeks. By far the most tragic thing to have happened in the family. You can't bear to think of your children going through that.

OP @besentsl - I spotted the title of your thread and immediately my abortion came to mind. So I couldn’t believe it when I read your post and it was word for word my feelings on it too.

I personally deeply regret it but it took 10 years to accept and admit that. A dark depressing 10 years full of denial and shame.

however these days I am completely renewed in spirit thanks to my new found faith. And have a lovely 1 year old who has formed a new chapter and identity for me.

I hope and pray you are okay. X

I left home at 16 after a difficult childhood with abusive parEnts, no support from them and lived in all kinds of horrid places. Did my A levels/degree in the evening while working. Got into all kinds of messy relationships because I was used to being treated badly as I grew up. Got some therapy and pulled myself up by my bra straps. Met nice husband, good marriage for 12 years now, lovely little boy, bought own house in a friendly village, great job. It hasn’t been easy and sometimes it felt life was an obstacle course … but now sometimes I have to pinch myself that my life is real. I have a bit of imposter syndrome and still feel this might be taken away from me at any moment though…but I never thought I’d get to this point!

Estranged from daughter and grand children …makes me cry just to write this

Cancer, having a baby in my 40's and becoming a single parent. It's shit.

Not seeing my lovely children for almost 3 years now. My heart aches every day.

Having stability and feeling anchored in life. I'd had a pretty chaotic life when I left home and just got used to it. It took / and takes a lot of work to keep a healthy state of mind.