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What do you regret at your wedding

195 replies

lumothesumo · 16/07/2022 22:32

Wedding tips urgently needed.
What do you regret?
What do you wish you did/didn't do
Any wedding hacks?
I need urgent help

OP posts:
darcyesque · 18/07/2022 09:48

Skimping on photos. Don't let anyone else plan them. Give the photographer a list of what groups you want. I know loads of ppl who regret photo mistakes and absences

FarFarFarAndAway · 18/07/2022 09:53

Nothing! It was one of the best days of my life. We didn't do a cake, speeches, or bridesmaids. Ceremony in lovely registry office, loads of my friends showed up unexpectedly. Spend the afternoon at home with my lovely new husband (!) Went for fancy dinner for the wedding party in the evening in private room. Was perfect. No pressure, no formal photos (a friend took them and they were fantastic), just us, having fun together. It was like a massive adventure!

MumChats · 18/07/2022 10:04

Agree about the photos: more individual type shots. We did all the typical ones but none of e.g. just me and my sister or just DH and his parents type thing.

Greeting guests! Depending on how your venue is this might happen anyway e.g. in a church there's a bit of a line up when bride and groom leave first and guests file past. So you get to speak to everyone. At our venue it didn't happen naturally and the result was that DH and i didn't speak to some guests until hours into the day, and also there were some people i never spoke to.

Spending more time with DH - everyone warned me about how the day can run away with you and you can end up socialising separately because both of you have your family/friends there so you naturally gravitate to your own groups. We did carve out some time for just the two of us which was really nice but i felt like we were a bit separate in the evening.

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BoJoGoGo · 18/07/2022 10:05

I wish we had organised a free bar. I provided a welcome drink, half a bottle of wine per person and a glass of champagne for the toast but because the wedding was early and the evening do ended so late (3am) a free bar would have been good or until 11pm.
It’s only now I appreciate how well everyone did booking and paying for their hotel rooms and how they all got into the spirit of the day I think I’d like to have given my guests a bit more.

Bigboysmademedoit · 18/07/2022 10:07

Went to Vegas - just the two of us because we knew we couldn’t face the family politics. Bought everything when we got there - dress, suit, shoes, rings etc. Brilliant. Wouldn’t change it.

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/07/2022 10:13

The husband.

2bazookas · 18/07/2022 10:37

No regrets, we had a lovely day, small, simple and informal. We were married in the Registry office, in front of family by a family friend. Then went to a pretty country hotel for a lovely lunch with champagne. The sun shone from blue skies. Thanks but no speeches. I wore my favourite dress and he wore a long loopy hippy tie made by me.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 18/07/2022 10:38

Being so worried about people 'hanging around' for too long that we didn't get enough formal photographs because we assumed 'surely there will be a pic of the bride and MOB' or 'bride and bridesmaid'.

Nope. Not at all. And actually, everyone was quite happy chatting. I really wish we had those photos.

Wexone · 18/07/2022 10:45

No real regrets at all for my wedding - only recently married. I have one regret that didn't get a group photo of all my girl friends as most of them were so busy having a great time to take photos. Got a good photographer and video guy as really cant remember much , they are fab and great to look back on. Delighted that we went a civil ceremony in the hotel, that could only take a set amount of people ( which were i live in ireland this is very unusual and did cause a few eyebrows raised and talk as it meant certain people weren't invited ). I also booked a few days away in a hotel down the coast for after the wedding, no one tells you how utterly exhausted you are after your wedding all we did was sleep. Honeymoon is later on in the year which helps that have something to look forward too. Enjoy the experience

ehb102 · 18/07/2022 11:55

I regret nothing except letting my mum insist her friend made the cake and the church ladies did the flowers. The cake was not what I wanted, but the small cakes were topped with royal icing not glacé and a very rough decoration. I suspect the lady was dealing with family troubles at the time. It was a shame because the lady was actually very skilled, just not up with modern style. And my mother was unhappy with the flower arrangements and went haring around to get more greenery.

No one else noticed the cake wasn't top notch.

inappropriateraspberry · 18/07/2022 12:40

Agree re photos. We were very lucky and found a photographer at the beginning of his career. He did great reportage photos, a few family groups that we asked for and some of just us. Didn't take ages doing cheesy naff poses etc and no one was hanging around too long. His prices have since tripled, he's won loads of awards and teaches others.
He was that good, my husband's cousin booked him for his wedding!

darcyesque · 18/07/2022 12:47

Yes free bar - I agree on that too

L1ttledrummergirl · 18/07/2022 13:11

My friends son is a wedding photographer. Last year he had a couple of free wedding bookings he'd made when he started out so honoured, some were at a reduced fee as they were taken as the step up.

If you book him this year, his prices start at £3000.

He has learnt from some of the best in the county and has had pictures published in wedding magazines so very good though.

honkeytonkwoman38 · 18/07/2022 13:11

Giving the video camera to a pissed Kiwi we didn't know in Samoa!

Kite22 · 18/07/2022 14:36

Re the photos - my advice is to ask to look at other people's albums (for ideas both of what you DO want, and what you DON't want)

Then write a list of all the photos you want.
In detail....ie the names of who is in the photo, not just 'bride's family).
Print it out. Give one to the photographer. Give another copy to someone responsible (preferably someone who is also organised and who has a little bit of charm).

Then get that person (might be an usher or might be a random cousin or friend who is willing to help) to go and fetch the people for the next photograph.

This way the photographer concentrates on the shots - lighting / person standing behind someone in a giant hat / background / shadows / etc and as they finish one shot, the 'helper person' has the next people lined up ready to go.

Makes the photos much quicker, and, more importantly, you don't look back on the photos later an realise Aunty Doris is missing from the family one as she never heard people shouting for 'Groom's family' or Uncle Fred isn't on any photos because he'd nipped out to the car to get something.

Plus, start with the biggest Group "Groom's extended family" or whatever and then strip people away / let them wander off when not needed, rather than starting with 'B&G', then adding parents, then adding house family, then extended family etc etc. People are likely to be ready to be on a photo at the start then drift away once the photos get going, making it harder to get everyone together.

Serena1977 · 18/07/2022 15:30

The whole thing except my groom. Too much trying to appease relatives. My Pil don't like me, my mother doesn't like my husband. Various relatives don't get on, and I was very pregnant so we rushed the arrangements and it was a cheap do. Should have just done it alone.

Benjispruce4 · 18/07/2022 15:59

Skip photos of guests. One big group shot then just parents and siblings.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/07/2022 16:46

Benjispruce4 · 18/07/2022 15:59

Skip photos of guests. One big group shot then just parents and siblings.

Totally disagree (though it's personal preference, obviously). The photos of our friends having fun are brilliant and bring back so many happy memories. We did a lot on the cheap, but we paid for a good photographer and that was a good call.

pantsofshame · 18/07/2022 16:48

Accepting that lots of things were just 'how it must be' to suit my DP and PIL, rather than having things as I would have liked. I had good day but almost everything was chosen to make other people happy. Over 50% of the people that our parents insisted must be invited, including bridesmaids and groomsmen, have not been in touch at all since (even to acknowledge the births of our DC). If I could turn back time I'd have had a small event with a few close friends and family and used the cash we saved to have a nice honeymoon.
I'd also think twice to agreeing to family and friends providing any wedding related services. My MIL and her mum insisted that they wanted to make the wedding flowers and cake as a wedding present to us (MIL used to do floristry as a side line and her mum was apparently a great baker). At first it seemed like they were happy to do whatever we chose but in the end they insisted on making what they wanted us to have (which couldn't have been further from what we wanted) and we knew they would be offended if we said we'd be getting it elsewhere.

Sparklybutold · 18/07/2022 16:57

Everything

All around allowing my dad and others to dictate my wedding plans.

I hated my wedding day and it caused and causes me still a lot of anger and pain.

This was 17 years ago.

Kite22 · 18/07/2022 17:26

Benjispruce4 · 18/07/2022 15:59

Skip photos of guests. One big group shot then just parents and siblings.

I totally disagree with this as well.
I would be really sad not to have photos of everyone we invited. Even more so now so many of them are no longer with us.

I mean - personal choice and all that - hence me saying to look at other people's albums and decide what you both want.

Spikeyball · 18/07/2022 17:26

I would have liked more of the day on video especially of all the guests. 25 years later a lot of the older ones are no longer alive or are not well. The video is a lovely record of your family and friends at that time.

gogohmm · 18/07/2022 17:43

@Starsarestillthere

You are not alone

Minimalme · 18/07/2022 17:57

I regret inviting family and friends. Mainly my parents because a few years later I realised they were both utter bastards.

10/10 for me on the groom though, which is actually the only bit that matters op.

dogrilla · 18/07/2022 19:22

Getting totally shitfaced and vomiting after drinking nervously on an empty stomach. Don't believe it when people say you won't manage to get drunk Blush