Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

257 replies

Nocturness · 14/07/2022 22:16

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

OP posts:
BeerPongChampion · 16/07/2022 09:47

Why are some people continuing to question those people that are happy to have this and find it useful? It’s really weird.

JustLyra · 16/07/2022 10:43

BeerPongChampion · 16/07/2022 09:47

Why are some people continuing to question those people that are happy to have this and find it useful? It’s really weird.

Threads would be pretty short on discussion if everyone just posted their thoughts without any questions or interactions with anyone else.

Fatballs · 16/07/2022 10:46

I don't understand why your location needs to be shared constantly though?

If it wasn’t being shared constantly, without any input from me, how would it know when I wanted to share it?

Turn it on and forget it. My location is accessible on the odd occasions that it is useful to know where I am. It isn’t being constantly monitored by a team of my evil husband’s minions from a hollowed out volcano in the middle of the Pacific.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/07/2022 11:04

Fatballs · 16/07/2022 10:46

I don't understand why your location needs to be shared constantly though?

If it wasn’t being shared constantly, without any input from me, how would it know when I wanted to share it?

Turn it on and forget it. My location is accessible on the odd occasions that it is useful to know where I am. It isn’t being constantly monitored by a team of my evil husband’s minions from a hollowed out volcano in the middle of the Pacific.

If you want someone to know your location during a certain activity (which I understand), then either tell them your route in advance, or switch it on before you leave, and off again when you return, surely?

I don't see what benefit there is to be able to see someone's whereabouts 24/7. It's way too Big Brother for me as it will be being remotely monitored by way more people and companies than you realise!

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/07/2022 11:04

BeerPongChampion · 16/07/2022 09:47

Why are some people continuing to question those people that are happy to have this and find it useful? It’s really weird.

It would be a pretty shit discussion forum if nobody discussed anything, lol.

And people are questioning it both ways - that's how forums work!

Fatballs · 16/07/2022 11:42

If you want someone to know your location during a certain activity (which I understand), then either tell them your route in advance, or switch it on before you leave, and off again when you return, surely?

You are missing the point. I if I have to remember to turn it on every time it would be guaranteed to be beneficial, it probably won’t happen at all. Turning it on and leaving it on has no negative implications (for me) whatsoever.

Given that I don’t have a set routine, I’m not sure how telling somebody a route in advance is going to help them work out whereabouts along that route at any given time. Plus, I am wont to change my mind about routes and timings for all sorts of reasons. I can’t be bothered to keep ringing my husband with the latest updates, particularly if I am out on a run or driving.

Fatballs · 16/07/2022 11:44

whereabouts along that route I am at any given time

savehannah · 16/07/2022 11:49

I find it odd that people think this is controlling or stalking etc. Me, DH and the three teens are all linked on life 360 and it's great. Stops me worrying, and also I don't need to text asking where they are, have they got on the train yet etc. As far as partners are concerned, unless you are hiding something from your partner or there us no already a control element in the relationship then why would you care if your partner can see where you are. It's not like we watch each other all day long. I might check at around 6 to see if he's left the office yet or not. He might look to see if I'm still at the supermarket.

StarlingsInTheRoof · 16/07/2022 11:51

I would hate it. No interest in knowing where dp is 24/7 and would feel stalkerish and really annoyi g at Christmasetc when you want to hide where you are for gift surprise. It's bad enough that the internet at home spams you with ads for the same.

savehannah · 16/07/2022 11:54

Holidaydreamingagain · 15/07/2022 15:42

I have my children in it, they don’t have me because it’s none of their business where I am. I do not and wouldn’t dream of having DP or letting him have me.

This is an example of one rule for me and another for you which leads to resentment from teens. What are you doing that is so secret your kids can't know about it??
My kids can see me, I can see them. If I'm coming to pick them up they can see how soon.

Same as how I charge my phone downstairs overnight and expect my kids to do so too. It's a family rule not something unreasonable I ask them to do but don't do myself.

savehannah · 16/07/2022 11:56

I highly doubt my kids ever look to see where I am unless I'm heading to collect them. Because it's so uninteresting and therefore not worth hiding!

SeemsSoUnfair · 16/07/2022 12:20

Dh, ds(18) and I can all see each other on find my iphone. None of us find it creepy, stalkerish or intrusive and we are comfortable with it on/off, we can remove at any time if we want, if we did it would probably take a week or so before anyone noticed!

We use it occasionally to see where someone is, such as if I am making dinner, it is nearly ready, and dh isnt back at the time he said he would be/probably driving, I'll say to ds check and see if your dad is nearly home. We use it to make a sound if someone has lost phone in house.

Anyone that finds it uncomfortable, creepy or stalkerish to have it turned on, or anxious if turned off have much bigger issues with their close relationships or trust.

No, it's creepy. I'll text DH to say I'm on my way home of whatever, and vice versa.

It is only creepy if you think your dh is a creep.

InTheShadeOfTheFigTree · 16/07/2022 12:32

savehannah · 16/07/2022 11:49

I find it odd that people think this is controlling or stalking etc. Me, DH and the three teens are all linked on life 360 and it's great. Stops me worrying, and also I don't need to text asking where they are, have they got on the train yet etc. As far as partners are concerned, unless you are hiding something from your partner or there us no already a control element in the relationship then why would you care if your partner can see where you are. It's not like we watch each other all day long. I might check at around 6 to see if he's left the office yet or not. He might look to see if I'm still at the supermarket.

I care. I'm not hiding anything and there are no control issues in our relationship at all. I don't want to be tracked, I value my privacy. If you find it useful to track and be tracked, that's up to you of course, but those of us who feel differently aren't in controlling or deceitful relationships

saraclara · 16/07/2022 13:06

Anyone that finds it uncomfortable, creepy or stalkerish to have it turned on, ...have much bigger issues with their close relationships or trust.

That's not remotely true. Some of us simply value our privacy and that of others. And some of us are concerned about what it says about us a society that we basically accept surveillance and non-anonymous filming (and sometimes do that to others without informing them).

A government can very easily remove our rights once we've been softened up to such a degree that we accept these things and think that anyone who doesn't has something to hide, or relationship problems.

abdidab · 16/07/2022 13:07

Yes he can see where I am.

Am I bothered? Absolutely not.

Are there advantages? Absolutely

dinner on the table when I walk in through the door.

Lost phone - easily located

Finding each other in town (he can't hear his phone ring and rarely feels it if on vibrate.)

SeemsSoUnfair · 16/07/2022 14:53

saraclara · 16/07/2022 13:06

Anyone that finds it uncomfortable, creepy or stalkerish to have it turned on, ...have much bigger issues with their close relationships or trust.

That's not remotely true. Some of us simply value our privacy and that of others. And some of us are concerned about what it says about us a society that we basically accept surveillance and non-anonymous filming (and sometimes do that to others without informing them).

A government can very easily remove our rights once we've been softened up to such a degree that we accept these things and think that anyone who doesn't has something to hide, or relationship problems.

It is not the government or "society" it is my husband and son and it is ridiculous to compare the two scenarios. I trust them both implicitly not to stalk me in a creepy way. I wouldnt be in a relationship with my dh if I didnt trust him in this way, if I didnt trust my son he wouldnt be on my find my iphone and it would indicate bigger problems.

If I didnt trust anyone, and thought government or "society" was out to get me on find my iphone I would need to look inwards at myself.

persianmafia · 16/07/2022 16:21

Anyone that finds it uncomfortable, creepy or stalkerish to have it turned on, ...have much bigger issues with their close relationships or trust

Anyone that needs to track their partner and know where they are at all times clearly has massive trust issues with them............

sammylady37 · 16/07/2022 16:23

persianmafia · 16/07/2022 16:21

Anyone that finds it uncomfortable, creepy or stalkerish to have it turned on, ...have much bigger issues with their close relationships or trust

Anyone that needs to track their partner and know where they are at all times clearly has massive trust issues with them............

Anyone who needs their dinner to be served up to them the minute they walk in the door has major issues with food and delayed gratification… 😀

BeerPongChampion · 16/07/2022 16:40

But people have given their answers and it’s just ‘why?, why?, why?, I don’t understand’ from some posters, over and over. Maybe you eventually just have to accept it’s not for you and you don’t have to understand, not keep going on and on. Do you think they’re going to change their mind and stop using something which for them, only brings advantages.

People do lots of things that really wouldn’t work for me. If someone says that it works for them, even if I think it’s problematic, you do have to accept that people live differently to you.

BeerPongChampion · 16/07/2022 16:41

That was to @coffeecupsandfairylights

Whataplanker · 16/07/2022 17:57

I have my DD on Life 360, she resisted for ages but when she went to a concert in a big city, I insisted, thinking she would stop it immediately afterwards. Ironically, she is now finding it far more useful to track me than I am her, so she's kept it! She has all her mates on there and knows exactly where anyone is at any given time.

SamMil · 16/07/2022 18:10

My husband and I have had our location sharing switched on in Google Maps for a good few years now.

The main reasons we might use it are:

  • If one of us is commuting and the other is cooking, we know how far away they are so we can time the food.
  • I do running & horse riding so he could hopefully track me in an emergency or if I didn't arrive home when expected.
  • If one of us is doing a long car journey, the other can check they're still moving & all is ok. (This sounds weird but we had a family member die in a car accident so it is reassuring!)
SamMil · 16/07/2022 18:12

Should have added, we are in a secure relationship with no trust issues. I might feel differently about sharing my location if I thought my partner would use it to keep tabs on me, or if I'd been in a controlling relationship previously.

Fatballs · 16/07/2022 19:05

Anyone that needs to track their partner and know where they are at all times clearly has massive trust issues with them............

That may be true, but I doubt the majority of couples who have location sharing turned on feel the need to track their partner and know where they are at all times.

SeemsSoUnfair · 16/07/2022 22:44

sammylady37 · 16/07/2022 16:23

Anyone who needs their dinner to be served up to them the minute they walk in the door has major issues with food and delayed gratification… 😀

Show quote history

Families tend to eat meals together as it is more cost effective, and easier to cook a single meal for 3. Generally either dh, ds or I are making a meal timed for someone coming in because someone else, usually ds to PT evening job, is going out. Nothing to do with your outdated ideas of having dinner served as the come in the door.