Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

[Nocturness]

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

@Megapint that doesn’t work if he’s driving to pick me up. I just check where he is the go to where we are meeting once he’s nearby.

By that reasoning there’s no need to call him either, you can just wait until you next see him and speak to him then.

It’s funny how people will view one technological advance as perfectly natural to use but then decide that the next one, which many people use and appreciate, is unnecessary.

I've my whole family on mine and you're right! You can see them moving around.
I watch my husband travelling home after a night shift so I know when to meet him on the main road in order for me to jump in the car and drive to work and he can hop out and walk the rest of the way home. If he's running late and isn't going to get to me in time, I know I need to set off at a brisk walk to work and DH will need to get out of bed to do the school run instead of me after work.

Silly?

He would ring the landline for just as he expected me to be walking in the door from the school run. If I didn't answer, he would call the mobile and ask 'where are you?'. If I said I was just walking in the door, it would be 'call me back from the landline NOW' and if I wasn't, he'd want to know exactly why I wasn't walking through the door when I had housework to do. He'd also randomly call during the day to make sure I was still indoors, as 'being off out gallivanting around like one of those single Mums' was one of the greatest offences I could commit. I laughed at that when he said it. I wasn't laughing after he came through the door, though.

I hate the fact that you're now expected to be permanently and constantly available by employers and others. Within the last few years, if I dared to take a break at lunchtime at work, I'd be phoned within five minutes by somebody demanding to know where I was and that I had to come back right now because there was an 'emergency' (the emergency being that I had left my desk). I'd only started leaving the premises for a break because if I could be physically found, I would be and told to go back to my desk in case something happened.

DP is nothing like my ex. My employer is nothing like the one who I'd find waiting outside the toilet door, calling the staffroom or a colleague they knew I sometimes spent lunchtimes with to ask them if I was with them because I wasn't at my desk and wasn't answering my mobile. But that doesn't mean those apps aren't facilitating and normalising an expectation of being able to know to within a few foot where people are at all times. Or that that expectation is used for malevolent purposes by many people.

I have my children in it, they don’t have me because it’s none of their business where I am. I do not and wouldn’t dream of having DP or letting him have me.

I mean, seriously, those trying to spin this into something creepy could have made exactly the same silly claim for when we started having mobile phones. “But why should your partner be able to call you when you are out? What’s wrong with waiting until you are home to speak?
This is a complete strawman argument. I CHOOSE to pick up my phone or to ignore the call, just the same as you do with landlines. That is not remotely the same thing as someone spying/tracking where you are in real time and can do so 24/7 whenever they feel like it.

Exactly. Using this argument, I equally dont want cameras put throughout my house monitoring my every move "for my safety" or because I "trust" my partner. Safety and trust are not a reason or justification to be monitored or recorded 24/7. If you want that, then thats fine but surely people can see why others feel uncomfortable with it and how it makes them feel deeply uncomfortable and like big brother is always watching shudder

How long do peoples kettles take to boil?? Lots of people have said they use it to know when to put the kettle on, I mean, seriously? Surely it’s no biggie if the kettle isn’t just clicking off the minute someone walks in the door? They can wait 2 to 3 minutes without dying of dehydration, surely?

I don't think it's odd. Quite safe actually and I don't feel I need privacy when I don't lie about where I'm going

We don't have anything.

I'm in two minds. I don't want to track each others' phones. I can see it being unhealthy for us, in myself and him. We'll look because we're bored, we'll question each, not because we particularly care, or out of malice, but because it was unusual. Like if my husband calls in the afternoon and I'm driving (I wfh) - oh where are you going?

I have debated asking for his motorbike tracking though. He pays for a tracker for the bike itself and it has an app. More for when it's 20.30, he's not home and I'd like to know if he's still at work 🙄, riding home or in a ditch. It's not definitive of where he is, just where his bike is.

He does has the SOS thing set up on his phone and watch though. Which rather amusingly has sent me his location constantly on one occasion when he was riding and knocking his watch by accident.

I can see the value in it for kids but I have no interest in tracking my DH & would think it was quite strange if he wanted to track me.

DP and I would hate it as we both value our privacy and freedom. My teenage step daughter has it on her phone and her mum uses it to check where she is and call her to come home if she is somewhere the mum doesn't like. Unfortunately it is making my step daughter anxious and paranoid rather than safe.

No we don’t. We all have find my iPhone and passwords are known (DH and I know each other’s, kids know each other’s) so could be logged into if needed in an emergency.

I think they are problematic in two ways. Firstly they are easily abused and secondly they encourage a lack of manners.

one of my elder DD’s has narcolepsy so will occasionally ask one of us to keep an eye at a certain time if she’s going somewhere alone. At 22 she’s already had to dump three boyfriends for issues with it. One because he tracked her on a night she didn’t ask for it (as she was safe with friends) and two because they got huffy that she wouldn’t share passwords with them.

The slow creep of tracking happens in such a way that people barely notice it and then before you know it every move is known. I don’t want any of my kids to think it’s normal to track your partner.

Also the number of people I’ve seen say “oh I use it so I know if DH is going to be late home for dinner”. If my DH, or one of my kids, is going to be late home for a meal being cooked by someone else then they’re expected to have the manners to text or call. Ditto if they’re going to be very late generally.

Me and my DH use it. He does alot of phys so I use it if he's late back to check he's ok. I have to travel alot at the moment, it means he can see when I'm due home without having to ring me. It doesn't bother me at all the fact he can see where I am if he wants and visa versa.
For us it's not creepy, if either one of us didn't like it - we'd stop.
Each couple and family to their own, it works for some, not for others.

We use it.

Typically to see if there is an issue getting home as there are blind spots with phone coverage on route so if it can't find one of us then we know they are stuck somewhere as the traffic to get home is horrendous (not unknown to take over an hour when it should be 10 mins).

Yes it could be abused but we are married and neither of us are abusive so we are happy to share location information.

However I specifically "open and consenting"

In the scenario you are describing that is not open and consenting and the opposite of the situation I was referring too.

You can turn off the tracking on your phone.

I think those horrified by the idea have other issues at home behind this.

I don't personally use these trackers.

For reasons that others have already stated. If someone's going to be late I'd prefer a courtesy call/text.

I don't like the whole having to be instantly available at all times. I've got on board with mobile phones and smart phone technology, but tracking each others movements feels a step too far and just unnecessary.

I don't like the whole having to be instantly available at all times.

Neither do I. I have location sharing turned on so I don’t have to be.

I don’t have a regular routine and I don’t like calls when I’m driving. Location sharing works without any input from me.

For reasons that others have already stated. If someone's going to be late I'd prefer a courtesy call/text.

I prefer not to use my phone when I’m driving so……

Eh? No issues in our home. I just don't want to be tracked, it's no-one else's business where I am every minute of the day. Nor do I feel the need to track where DH is.

I think those horrified by the idea have other issues at home behind this.

Nope, no issues here.

I just don't see why anyone needs to see my location or track me?

I don’t have a regular routine and I don’t like calls when I’m driving. Location sharing works without any input from me

you expect someone to check your location before they call you rather than you just turning your phone off or just you know…. Ignoring the phone call?

No, it's creepy. I'll text DH to say I'm on my way home of whatever, and vice versa. I'll share my live location with him when I'm on my way home alone at night but that gets turned off as soon as I'm in.

I don't understand why your location needs to be shared constantly though?