Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

[Nocturness]

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

One way to look at it is thinking this is all about the needs of the person coming in the door - what about the people at home? Do they not have needs - why does it all have to be about the gratification of the traveller? We all want to eat as a family, delaying dinner or guessing arrival times, affects everyone and reduces the quality of the food - I get that food quality or eating together doesn’t take priority in some families - they are happy to shove food in the oven or reheat in the microwave but for others having a family meal served in a timely manner matters to all members of the family and knowing what time someone is likely to arrive allows the person cooking more information to get the timing of the meal right - for everyone!

So many crimes are solved using phone data (pinging off masts), location services, Snapchat, find my etc.
Victims of serious crimes/murder have had their last moments tracked enabling police to pinpoint exactly what, where and when.
Even better when they are able to match the movements of suspect to the crime.

I’m quite happy to be tracked. I decide who can see where I am and who cannot. It’s not like I am broadcasting it to everyone I know.
I like that I can always be ‘found’!

My other half turned it on last year because he was doing a 250 cycle ride and thought it might be fun for me to log in and see where he'd got to throughout the day and night.

After that, he didn't turn it off but I secretly kept logging in because I found it quite interesting. He was never anywhere fun but I quite enjoyed doing it. I never told him though because it's weird.

It doesn't work any more so he must have turned it off but I've never asked him about it.

I think it's probably better. As much as I was the one doing the stalking, I always felt it was a bit wrong and people deserve their privacy.

And this is a perfect example of the false reassurance these apps give. You say i like that I can always be ‘found’! but the reality is that you can’t always be found with the app, your phone can, but not you. If something sinister happens you, it wouldn’t take a criminal mastermind to separate you from your phone. Youngsters who know their mother is tracking them may leave their phone wherever they’re supposed to be, and head off where they’re actually going, except now they’re more vulnerable cos they’re somewhere without a phone, yet their parent is happily thinking they’re at a friend’s house all day. A cheating husband will likely be clued in enough to leave his phone at work when popping out for a lunchtime shag.

After that, he didn't turn it off but I secretly kept logging in because I found it quite interesting. He was never anywhere fun but I quite enjoyed doing it. I never told him though because it's weird

Jesus. That’s despicable.

Surely it is dependent on the relationship, the reason it is installed, and the agreement of both parties. My partner and I track each other on Google Maps. We rarely look, but I like to know that if I’m away somewhere in my own, he can see where I am - it makes me feel safer. He spends a lot of time hiking on his own, and knows I can call the emergency services if anything goes wrong.

It would be a different matter if it was done without my knowledge, or to police my activities.

I also track a friend who spends long hours cycling for the same reason. She wants to know that I can pinpoint her location in case of emergency. She sends me a link to monitor her every time she goes out.

Not stalking and completely normal. I’m a lawyer and when I’m in court it’s strictly phones on silent. It’s incredibly helpful for the whole family. In fact a police officer recommended life 360 to me just the other day (we use apple at the moment)

If the timing is that critical and there’s such a narrow window of opportunity to eat a meal together after one arrives home and before another one leaves, surely you’d be starting the preparation anyway at more or less the same time, whether the person leaving work leaves at 5 or 10 past the hour?

I like to know that if I’m away somewhere in my own, he can see where I am - it makes me feel safer

this is a false sense of safety though. All he can actually see is where your phone is. You might have been abducted from where you were sunbathing in a park, but if the kidnapper left your bag there, your partner would think you were still there sunbathing, had possibly fallen asleep in the heat etc. Anyone with nefarious intentions and half a brain would have a good head start on him

The example I gave has nothing to do with teenagers/cheating husbands.

I’m talking about the police using phone data to solve serious crime.
Police in the US even used a woman’s Fitbit data to solve her murder.

This is really interesting re. Digital forensics .
www.bcu.ac.uk/computing/news-events/blogs/digital-forensics-sarah-everard-investigation

My partner and I track each other on Google Maps. We rarely look, but I like to know that if I’m away somewhere in my own, he can see where I am - it makes me feel safer.

See, I kind of get this but equally I think it's just a appease peoples anxieties without actually making them any safer.

- If one of us is doing a long car journey, the other can check they're still moving & all is ok. (This sounds weird but we had a family member die in a car accident so it is reassuring!)

I'm so sorry you lost a family member, but I have to ask - how is this reassuring?

All that tracks is their phone - so if it suddenly stops moving it could be for loads of reasons - an accident, a puncture, stopping for a wee, traffic jams, roadworks, or their phone has died or lost signal. It doesn't mean that the person your tracking is safe or unsafe.

It was your last line ‘I like that I can always be found!’ that I was particularly responding to, and giving examples of how that’s simply not the case and easily thwarted, thus providing a false sense of security for people.

Just to add, it didn’t stop her murder from happening but the police were able to track her movements whilst the phone was in her possession. Because of this, they were able to look for cctv, dash cam footage, doorbell cameras etc. along the route she took
It was ultimately this footage that led police to her killer and the recovery of her body.

Would she have been found so quickly (if at all) if this tracking data hadn’t existed?

See my post above this one.

My kids and I use find a friend on Apple. My partner doesn't. To be honest, I don't need to see where he is and vice versa.

Having been in an abusive relationship before and knowing that he would absolutely would have used this to control my life even more (the technology wasn't around then) I'm adamant that it won't be controlled now.

Possibly, and likely, no, she wouldn’t have been. But there are lots of people who think having tracking on keeps them safe, when it does nothing of the sort, and in actual fact can leave them more unsafe, which is the point I’m addressing and hoping people will see.

If my DH leaves the office at 5 past the hour he gets the 15 past train. If he doesn’t leave until 10 past then he misses the 15 past and the next one isn’t until 45. Thats half an hour later he’ll be coming home so quite a big difference in terms of meal prep.

If DD is coming to visit her times can vary by a couple of hours depending on which train(s) and connections she manages to get. so good to “see” where she is

Jeez, you really like to flog a dead horse to try to win a point, how my family does dinner is really irrelevant to the thread and I am sure no one is really interested. But, just for you, yes prep is underway, meal is cooking/nearly ready, I can adjust when it will be ready if I know dh who is late will arrive soon, or pop the oven and a warm plate in if he is going to be much later and ds and I will start without him. dh is a self employed tradesman and can misjudge when he will finish a job/be home.

The bit that is relevant is, being able to ask ds to see where dh is to judge when he'll be in is using available technology for a useful, positive purpose. Not everything is negative, creepy or stalker-ish unless you choose to see the world that way, or have relationship trust issues.

Yes I'm sure there are many solutions to this problem, we just use tracking to solve the problem...no bid deal.

A friend of my brother's went missing for three days a few years ago, he'd had a car accident - went over a hedge down a country lane. A tracker might have got someone to him quicker, he might have been saved but even if not the 3 days were hell for all his loved ones while they searched for him.

It would also help solve many murders if everyone all had cameras in their homes watching and recording their every move 24/7. That doesnt mean its something I want in my life.

No, I don't think it's normal and I think it's potentially setting precedent material.

People worry about when new partners do or do not change their "status" on social media to reflect a relationship. I could see it become a norm to be put on the "locate" and not in a good way. Keep your privacy and your independence.

That’s ok - you’re allowed to choose.😁