Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

[Nocturness]

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

Ha! I'm very far from being a luddite! I just know when to embrace new technology (which I generally love) and when to go "hang on here...is this a good thing?"

The issue is society's attitude to privacy, and the technology that removes it. If we're so accepting of tracking, and cameras watching over our lives (and those of our friends who are oblivious that their conversations in their friend's home are being recorded) then we lose some control over our lives, and we provide an environment where we open a door to those who would use our naivety for ill.

We have it. I used to use it when DH would pick me up after work, I’d only leave once he was nearby so I wasn’t standing around in the rain or cold. I dint track him every 5 minutes but if I need to know where he is I can. The other night he surprised me by walking me home from the station. If he hadn’t used his phone he never would have found me as I took a different route to usual.

Because I don't want someone being able to track my every move, no matter how much I love it trust them.

I'm a grown adult and don't need my movements and location visible to anyone else.

If someone wants to know where I am or when I'll be home, they can ask me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm on Life360 with DF, DS and my epileptic brother. My brother can send out an alert if he's got the time pre-seizure, and I can then get to that location to help.

I'm keen on having it for DS. Not so bothered about having it for DF really but it does come in handy. IE, it'll let me know he's left work and I'll brew the kettle, things like that.

My partner and I use Life360. We don't live together. Over the last year I've started to experience anxiety over my family's health and safety and it helps massively. I find it reassuring that my partner always knows where I am if need be. My dad has recently joined the circle. He's 79, terminally ill and just started using a mobility scooter so I can reassured over him.

My 18 yo son surprisingly accepted my request to share locations via Apple.I think he's forgotten he did it so I don't mention it. Just take the reassurance from knowing I know where he is.

Trouble is that the apps are so sensitive that they can pinpoint a kid's location to exactly where they are on site - the Designated Safeguarding Lead's office, for example - and knowing that Mum/Dad would be able to say 'what were you doing in that part of school for so long when you're normally in the other block at that time?' or 'what were you doing in there after school? Don't tell me that you were doing music/drama/netball, I can see where you were' is enough for any kid who knows of this to be put off. And I've already posted about what happens with some parents.

I know for a fact that had this technology been around twenty years ago, I wouldn't have been able to leave the flat for more than the school run and straight back, no talking, no trips to the shops, no walk through the park, no coffee with friends, no visiting the GP or a solicitor, as if he'd seen something, he'd have been on the phone demanding to know what I thought I was doing (or if I didn't answer, of deliberately leaving my phone behind to cover my tracks). If I had still been stuck with him now, there would also have been monitoring of my Fitbit steps count and route to make sure everything matched up.

It was bad enough to normalise being contactable at all times with mobile phones. The normalisation of monitoring as default gives people like my ex justification for behaviour that isn't normal.

They are definitely not that sensitive as we found out when ds's phone was stolen. There is a circle and the person can be anywhere within that circle.

They also only work when the phone is switched on and phones have to be switched off in school usually.

DH and I can track each other and use it reasonably often for various practical reasons. 8yo DS sometimes likes to watch me coming home from work using it on his Dad's phone.

My Mum and I can also track each other. When DS was still tiny and sleeping badly, I once fell asleep travelling by train to our office in Bristol and ended up in Wales, and the first I knew of it was her phoning me on the train to wake me up.

I don't have anything to hide from them, though. I can imagine it being misused in trickier relationships and wouldn't be offended if either of them chose to turn it off.

The normalisation of monitoring as default gives people like my ex justification for behaviour that isn't normal

Exactly.

8yo DS sometimes likes to watch me coming home from work using it on his Dad's phone.

See, on the one hand I get that that is sweet and innocent and he's looking forward to you getting home. But it still shows that our children are learning that is normal to know exactly what anyone else is doing at any point, whether or not the other person is aware of it.

Individual privacy is dying in front of our eyes. Literally.

My DH can track me but that's only at my request. I'm a runner and I always run alone, often in the evening or at night, and let's face it - it can be risky. I also dog walk at night for a neighbour.

I would just rather, if I'm out longer than usual, that someone can check that I am where I said I was going to be and that I'm still moving. As far as I know he hasn't used it outside of those scenarios and I'm not sure there would be much point if he did, we both mostly work from home and so he generally knows where I am anyway.

There don't have to be sinister motivations but I think someone should only be viewing their partners location

For DC In theory yes as we have Apple family sharing so find my phone shows all devices. I occasionally use it to check on a DC if they’ve been longer than I expected but never routinely check. Don’t track DH.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Her phone has to be off at school, and the app I use isn't that specific. I'll know she's at school, but the location will just be where she turned her phone off, which is just the general school grounds.

I am definitely not that type of parent you describe, and the app gives her more freedom, not less. I also spoke to her before we put it on to check she was ok with it and I gave her the option of being able to track me in return, which she declined.

Why on earth would anyone need to know their partner has arrived safely at the gym or golf course (one poster said it saves them from texting). It's complete madness. I'd hate to be tracked like that

Our house knows to turn on the heating when we head home from a trip. My husband gets an alert if his motorbike moves when he’s not with it, and I get a text with a GPS location if his bike computer detects that he’s had a crash.

Integrating information about where people and things are into how we live is just normal progress.

I mean, seriously, those trying to spin this into something creepy could have made exactly the same silly claim for when we started having mobile phones. “But why should your partner be able to call you when you are out? What’s wrong with waiting until you are home to speak?”

DH could “track” me if he wanted to. I have an iPhone and he can use “find my” on his iPad. I can’t track his phone (not Apple) but I can track his iPad if I wish. We can both also track where our car is.

We generally don’t bother though. If I’m on a long journey I often “share my location” on WhatsApp and vice versa so that we know when to start dinner or put the kettle on.

neither of us feels the need to either hide from each other as the only secrets we have are what gifts we may have bought each other!

My DH sends his parents a link from Waze whenever we are setting off to it from theirs in the car.

It let’s them see how we’re getting on on the way up, and when we’ve made it safely home on the way back.

It’s the simplest way to let them know how the trip is going, something that stops them worrying which they would otherwise do (to them a six hour drive is not something undertaken lightly!)

I use the find friend function on my iPhone with DH, DD, bothDSs, Dsis and FM & DF 😂

it’s not a tracking app as such, I that icant see where they’ve been, just where they are at that instant. I use it to tell where DH is on his way home from work so I know when to start preparing dinner, I use it to check where the kids are sometimes at weekends, and to help find where they left their phones, I use it to check where DM and DF are when they are coming at the weekend as it’s a long journey. And I had it when visiting Dsis once and it’s never turned off, but handy to know if she is in her house so I know when suitable to phone.

I find it handy, but appreciate that it’s not for everyone

we have it.

The main reason is I cycle to work and especially since I fell off last autumn, badly fracturing my shoulder, it reassures my husband I have safely arrived at work. It’s also reassuring to me to know that if I had problems on the bike and he had to help me, he would know where I am (he knows my work place but not the area around so much or bits of my cycle route.)

MN always thinks it’s a control mechanism. Yes it can be used as a control mechanism but just because you have it , it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a controlling relationship.

We turn it on as and when we need it ( and then forget to turn it off). It's handy if we go out as a family then split up ( often DH will take older child on big rides in theme parks for example) or to know when to expect DH home.

We use it- so we can see if the other is nearby to put the kettle on or go and pick them up, or if I’m being picked up from the station I can see how far away DH is (he is always on the hands free phone in the car so he won’t call me and can’t text while driving!). If we really want to highlight location we will also send a WhatsApp pin.

It is very useful for me when DH says ‘I’m leaving work shortly’ because when I log in an hour later and he’s still there I can poke him to LEAVE THE BLOODY OFFICE 🤣

also he and his mates have each other enabled a lot of the time just so they can see where each of them are. I mean they aren’t worried about each other cheating on the lads so it’s just cute!

It’s also quite cool, like the marauder’s map in Harry Potter.

Nope, there's no need to track each other. If I want to know where my husband is I'll text him or call him & ask .