Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

[Nocturness]

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

That was the example given earlier for having it.

One example from one person. We have it turned on and I can’t remember the last time I looked at it. My reason for using is that I run alone, mainly cross country, and I like the reassurance that I have a better chance of being found quickly should I have an accident.

My mum wanted me to download life360 on my phone and my daughters phone and I refused. Very glad I did as she's always looking people up and telling me what they're doing. So and so is at the hospital, I wonder if they're ok or visiting someone!!! Of course she would never have used it to randomly track me I bet I'd find she'd just pop up randomly when we were out and about!

I can see the benefits of having it to check if someone is on their way home, especially if it's a long commute, for picking up kids and tracking when you're doing sport. I think it really depends on the people you use it with.

A glib acceptance of being watched leads to a population that is easily manipulated.

I’m not ‘watched’ and I don’t use it to ‘watch’.

Plus, there is no ‘glib acceptance’. The only people I allow access to my movements are my son, daughter and husband, because they’re nice people and we don’t exert any coercive control over each other.

This is an incredibly naive response.

Of course it impacts everyone. The more commonplace and accepted something is, the less likely society is to question it.

If nobody used these apps, the companies would stop making them - they're in it for the money. So the more they can persuade people that tracking their partners is a good idea, the more money they make and the more commonplace these apps will become.

I can see it now: "Oh, all my friends track their partners, so why can't I track you? What have you got to hide? If you're just doing what you say you're doing, it won't be a problem for me to check, will it?"

And what happens when the technology inevitably makes a mistake? "You say you were at Sophie's house but the app had you at x instead. I know you're lying because the app tells me so".

We're sleepwalking into some weird dystopia and people are just accepting it 😳

But not everyone has nice people in their lives.

Do you really not see how this can be abused and used to control people even more?

In any case, I don’t feel strongly enough about the issue to argue the toss with strangers about it.

I used to find the idea of ‘tracking’ a partner really creepy. We then got the app when our (then) 11YO needed to catch the bus, and now find it useful as a family. It works for us.

If other people don’t like it or find it creepy - meh, they’re perfectly entitled to.

Do you really not see how this can be abused and used to control people even more?

Absolutely, of course.

But the technology exists and is out there. The genie isn’t going back into the bottle.

And since it works well for many people, they will continue to use it. I’m not going to delete the app just because some people will misuse it.

Anyway, as just said, I don’t care enough about it to convince people who don’t want to use it, to use it!

No. I have location settings disabled on my phone for data privacy anyway but like hell would I get in to that kind of checking behaviour with a partner. In both the scenarios from OP DH and I would call/message/voice note if needed updates or one of us running late.

He knows I’m doing a class, sometimes I go to the supermarket afterwards as it’s in the same retail park as the gym. If he needed something specific he might text and I’d get it, if it was an I fancy a beer or chocolate but doesn’t want or need me to go into the store just for that he might pick up the phone and look knowing I sometimes go in after a class and then ask. It’s just convenient.

I don’t look at it very often, not even weekly. I don’t know how often he looks at mine but would guess the same. It’s not a big deal so I was surprised others thought it was.

But the technology exists and is out there. The genie isn’t going back into the bottle

But apps will stop being made if people don't use them. Technology only succeeds because people use it.

The more people download these apps and think they're harmless, the more commonplace they're going to become and the more open to abuse they'll be.

I just find the whole mindset of tracking someone else really disturbing but apparently that's just normal nowadays 😬

I really don't mind, we all use it as a family. If DH is out on his bike or driving and is later getting back than expected and I am starting to prep dinner I can check he's on the way rather than messaging or calling which he can't answer while on a bike/ driving anyway. I think it's safer in this circumstance. Teenager DCs venturing out late and staying over at friends are not great at messaging to say they are back safe or responding to messages but I can just check and it stops the spiralling thoughts of doom at 2 in the morning.

We've used Life360 for years - kids switched it off for a year when they were 16 - they still had each other on Snap Map - so when one didn't come home on time we got the other to check all was ok. They switched it back on again when they were 17 - oddly they were checking up on us more than we were with them. I use it to see where everyone is on their journey home to see if it's time to put the dinner in the oven - very mundane. I know some people don't like it but we all feel ok about it.

Do you really not see how this can be abused and used to control people even more? Yes if you are in a relationship with control issues, but many of us that use it are not - I don't use it to control my Uni kids either - otherwise they'd switch it off.

No but we have access to passwords etc and could use find my iPhone in an emergency. I don't see the harm in these tracking apps. It depends on the relationship dynamic really. I trust where my husband is and I'm not interested exactly where on a map he is. It's handy for keeping track of older children.

Yes we do. Both with consent. It's quite useful.

Again, missing the point 😬

Relationships rarely start off controlling, or nobody would stay in them.

They start normally and then when things are settled (house, kids, maybe marriage), the control ramps up. If you're already using these apps as part of your normal relationship, suddenly stopping use could trigger all sorts of abuse and control problems.

The more normalised these apps become, the more open they are to abuse. Nobody needs to track another person 😳

I think it’s because our relationship is healthy that it’s not an issue. We don’t use it often and it’s not something we even think about.

In terms of the kids, they could turn it off if they like. I think I’ve used it about 4 times in a year for them, hardly tracking their every move.

There are definitely relationships and people that I would be dubious about having this sort of thing. My father was extremely controlling of my mother so he could potentially use it in a bad way. My relationship with my partner and children is nothing like that and it’s really not an issue to have it.

I wonder - all you lot who track your partners - what would you do if they turned it off one day and refused to use it again?

Would you genuinely not mind or would you think they had something to hide and stop trusting them?

I'd be cautious with the apps. I know of a guy who tracked where his wife was and she could track him. But he was having an affair for 2 years and he turned off his location so she couldn't see where he actually was.

There are definitely relationships and people that I would be dubious about having this sort of thing. My father was extremely controlling of my mother so he could potentially use it in a bad way. My relationship with my partner and children is nothing like that and it’s really not an issue to have it.

But that's the point I keep trying to make. Because you've normalised it in your relationship, abusive people will use that as a reason to track their own partners.

"Everyone else does it so if you won't let me it's because you're lying and hiding things from me"

I turn on live location on What's App for 1 hour sometimes when I'm on the train home from work to allow the husband to get the wine poured for me arriving home. Other than that, not happening. None of us need to know where other people are all the time. It's not healthy.

But no-one has said that they do that.

But no-one has said that they do that.

Well, they're hardly going to admit to it and get a roasting are they?!

So @coffeecupsandfairylights by your logic then no-one should be able to use technology that can have a negative impact, just in case bad actors use it in negative ways?

Almost any technology can be used negatively, online shopping accounts can be hacked, car trackers can be used to stalk, I could whack my husband round the head with the iron or run someone I don't like over in my car, does that mean that irons and cars should be banned?