Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

[Nocturness]

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

Ds & I use Live360 app

We do. Dp rides a motorbike and we got it after one of his friends, who also rides a bike, was in an accident and they were found because their tracker hadn't moved for some time.

We mostly just use it so DP knows what time to put the dinner on if I am leaving work late. Or he can see I'm still in work if I'm not home and knows not to worry. Neither of us would really bother to check on a random lunchtime, but equally I'm not sure I've ever been anywhere that I wouldn't happily tell him

I have it turned on for DH and my sister. It's pretty handy like when we were on holiday and my sister took DD off to the (very large) park while me and DH stayed in the café and finished our coffees. When we were done I just looked up where my sister was and went to meet her. I don't think it drains battery to have it on so I like having it there for those odd moments it's handy. If DH was always commenting on where I was or what was I doing here etc then I'd turn it off sharpish.

I hate them. They unnerve me and I don't think they have any place in a healthy marriage or relationship, though I know lots of people on here think they're the best thing since sliced bread.

I'm also incredibly relieved these things didn't exist when I was a teenager! How are kids meant to learn independence and maintain any level of privacy if their parents are tracking their every move? 😳

Hugely convenient when someone goes out and dinner etc? Use it rarely but it's great! Wouldn't have anything on all the time except for DC.

Very very true

No we don’t track each other.

We call, or WhatsApp if we need to communicate during the day.

We don't have a tracking app but DH has a Tesla and you can see where the car is on that app. We only use it to see if whoever has the car is on their way home. I used to text him when I was leaving work but don't bother if I'm using his car. He's currently away volunteering and has his car. I don't need to know where he is so I've closed the app and won't use it again until he's heading back.

DH and I have each other on Google Maps, dh cycles h plus each way on his commute so it helps to time dinner, and if either of us are driving somewhere and get stuck in traffic we don't need to think about calling to update each other. For that reason I will sometimes send a 1 hour location share with friends if I am driving to meet them or with dd if I am picking her up at the train station or similar.

We have teen/YA children and we made a choice not to use any tracking with them as standard but they had (and still have) the option of turning it on for short times if they want as a safety back up. We have chatted to them about the pluses and minuses of modern surveillance and had good discussions about coercive control which include discussion of tracking. It's one of those double edged things, much like the internet itself.

I am not comfortable with the audio recording thing too so we have a (non-ring) security camera at the front but it is (low quality) video only for parcel delivery etc and the in-car camera has the sound recording turned off.

The ease with which people are.prepared to give up their privacy because they've 'got nothing to hide' is what makes it SO easy for an abusive person to have the means to control their partner.

"Why don't you want this app I'm putting on your phone? Do you have something to hide?"

"It's perfectly normal for me to install cameras in the house that I can look at from work while you're home. Everyone has them. It's not like you have anything to hide from me is it?"

When I say I use it maybe once a month, I mean for practical purposes. I used it this week for example as he’d gone out with mates drinking and he said he might want a pick up from the train station if he managed to get one at a certain time. I checked as was tired, saw he was still in town and would miss the train so I just went to bed knowing he’d get a taxi instead. Saved me having to text and him having to respond. It wasn’t about checking where he was in a checking up sense, just in a practical sense.

I guess could have been done with a call or text but that’s more time and then requires a reply before you get an answer.

We don’t randomly drop in and check in a creepy way.

Reason 2 makes sense, but if you want I know when someone has left /is leaving work, surely it's easier for them to send a quick text or give you a quick call rather than the person at home having to keep picking up their phone to keep checking the app to see if they've left yet. Or does the app send an audible notification that the person has left?

If you like it then crack on but personally, this feels weird and stalkery to me.

If I need something from the shop, I just text my husband to pick it up on his way home, I dont track his movements to see if he's actually AT a shop right there and then because what are the chances of that coincidentally happening every time you need something? Very big brother.

We use shared locations on Google maps. As many others have said, it's useful on occasions but ignored for days or weeks at a time. Neither of us has any issues with the other knowing where we are (I guess it could be tricky if one of us decided to have an affair, but we haven't yet).

The worst so far has been an outraged "You're in Nando's without me!?" message. 😁

Ahhh my favourite MN topic...

2022 stalking your partner is acceptable so I know when to 'pop on dinner' 🤢

I used to think exactly like this, too!

And then DC1 moved schools aged 11 and had to catch the bus. Now DC2 is the same age and catching the bus.

We have Life360 and find it really useful.

No stalking and no trust issues at all.

It’s just like anything else - if you don’t like the idea of something, you don’t do it.

Other people doing / using something you don’t like doesn’t impact on you, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I need something from the shop, I just text my husband to pick it up on his way home, I dont track his movements to see if he's actually AT a shop right there and then because what are the chances of that coincidentally happening every time you need something?

I suspect that most couples that use it don’t scrutinise each other’s movements to that level of detail.

We do and we get lots of comments from friends about how weird it is (usually directed at me and how much of a stalker I am rather than him interestingly) I use it to see how far away he is from home so I know what our evening routine is going to be. His office is a long way away and there can be lots of traffic and its easier than keep ringing him to check. I don't believe my husband has any interest in where I am in the day but I know he checks that I got to my destination when visiting family etc I can see how it could be dodgy if he was questioning me about why I was here and there but he's the least arsed man alive, we have a very trusting relationship

That was the example given earlier for having it.

Which is exactly why I dont buy it, sorry. Its creepy AF to be checking on where your partner is all the time.

Here: DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something

Her husband uses it to "see if she's popped to the shop".

Riight.

We have an app to track our 12 year old - we won’t use it indefinitely but have found it particularly useful when he’s out with others and knowing when he is likely to want picking up.

I wouldn’t have one - I don’t need to justify to my DH why I have stopped somewhere or gone a particular route. We keep in touch enough letting each other know when we are leaving places or likely to be home. And he feels the same.

It absolutely does. A glib acceptance of being watched leads to a population that is easily manipulated.

And as per my post above, it makes coercive control SO much easier when the abusive partner can simply say that everyone else is okay with a tracking app or cameras in the house.

Both should be seen as absolutely weird, and not to be excused because it's handy to know when to put dinner on.

I can see on Find Friends where my DH and both DD's at any given time. They can see me too. My DD's are 24 and 29 and live in different cities. They know I sometimes look and see where they are but if I see them somewhere unexpected I don't ask about it. When DD1 stated dating her current bf she disabled FF but I never questioned this either. I actually mostly use it when we are meeting up and I can see where anyone is and the ETA. It is great when DH is on his way home from work so I can manage our dinner prep.

Its creepy AF to be checking on where your partner is all the time.

It absolutely is, but I don’t think most people with the apps actually do that, what with having lives to get on with, and checking a tracking app ‘all the time’ would surely be super boring.

I don’t need to justify to my DH why I have stopped somewhere or gone a particular route

Agreed, that would be really weird.

I don’t think most people (especially families) who have the app, spend any time at all ‘justifying’ where or why they went somewhere. I know we don’t.