Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Tracking apps - can your partner see where you are?

257 replies

Nocturness · 14/07/2022 22:16

Sorry inspired by another thread!

Everyone seemed to think it weird they could track their partner. We use Apples find a friend app to see where each other is. It’s not stalking, just for info so for example if DH is coming to pick me up I might see if he has left. If I’m at the gym and running late DH might check to see if I’ve popped to the supermarket and message me to grab something.

I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was. If he said he was going to a friends house and would be back at midnight I wouldn’t even think to look to check he was where he said he was. But the app is live and on both our phones.

This isn’t abnormal right?

OP posts:
CthulhuInDisguise · 14/07/2022 23:31

My boyfriend can track my phone, but only because I lost it and used his phone to do the "find my phone" thing. I would be very surprised if he checked up on me, but I don't think I would be impressed. I trust him not to. I can't track his and wouldn't want to. I have always been a bit sceptical of people who track each other, but if that works for people and they are happy with it then it's their business.

thewaitislong · 14/07/2022 23:33

Husband and I have it turned on in Google maps, and it never occurred to us that it's odd or even considered "tracking" in a suffocating way. Knowing where the other person is is useful for so many everyday things for us (like how far he is when he's meant to pick me up, where to find each other when doing separately, where they might have stopped after school pick up etc). I guess it isn't weird because we find it mutually useful, and technology makes things so convenient, no need to call or text etc? But obviously it depends on individual relationships

godmum56 · 14/07/2022 23:35

MarshaMelrose · 14/07/2022 22:50

But why would you go on an app and not text. I can see a point in running an app so you, or your phone, could be found in an emergency. But not to track someone to find out exactly where they are through the day. When does tracking flip over into stalking and spying?

Show quote history

because when DH was hurtling along on a motorbike, he would, quite reasonably, not have wanted to stop to text me and could not get to his phone even if he had known I was texting which he wouldn't have done.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 14/07/2022 23:36

Yes. DH and I use Apple’s find my friends feature. It is very useful when we are out and about and go in different directions with plans to meet up later. It has been used twice with car breakdowns. And quite often with dinner ETAs.

godmum56 · 14/07/2022 23:36

oh PS flipover point is when the trackee isn't aware that they can be tracked or where the tracker forces the trackee to allow tracking.

SunflowerGardens · 14/07/2022 23:37

Dunno. Don't think so. If he wants to tune in to me going to Tesco he's very welcome but I doubt he'd be interested

savemefromtheteens · 14/07/2022 23:38

It's normal in our house. The teens get to opt out when they hit 16. My daughter opted out for a year and when she went to Uni decided to opt back in, she could always see where we were. My middle child loves it so much that he has decided to opt out of texting when he's with his mates, he just tells me a time to pick him up and insists I use Find My (iPhone) to locate him, which I hate as it's not always that accurate! Hmm

PeekAtYou · 14/07/2022 23:42

My teens don't want to be tracked and I understand why. If I text them and ask where they are, they always reply immediately which negates the need to track them.

LimboLass · 14/07/2022 23:45

Yes for two reasons.

  1. So we know when the other person has left work and we can start cooking dinner. Saves the need for the 'I am on my way home' phonecall.
  2. I run and my partner bike rides. We like to know we can see eachothers last location should we not return back when expected
We could turn it on and off all the time but we much easier for it remaining on.
Pkwio · 14/07/2022 23:47

I posted on that thread.

It's obviously not okay to track someone when you are in a controlling relationship but in healthy relationships its perfectly fine - all involved have a choice and agree.

I only track my DC when they are away on holiday, so I can see he is okay - via Snapchat or I send him a link to track me if I'm picking him up from somewhere.

I sometimes send a tracker via what's app to my DP so he can see how far away I am.

Nowt wrong with it.

CadburyCrunchy · 14/07/2022 23:49

It's creepy for adults to have tracking apps! I love how @Nocturness says "I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was". Yeah right, ok then... she checks where he is alright but is trying to sound innocent... people who use these apps don't or have reason not to trust their partners...

saraclara · 14/07/2022 23:50

InTheShadeOfTheFigTree · 14/07/2022 22:27

I would absolutely hate that. I really value my space and privacy and couldn't bear to be trackable. Cant imagine a scenario where I'd want to know DH's exact movements either.

Sane here. It actually scares me how easily the majority of the population seem to have been perfectly happy to give up their privacy (and have absolutely no care for that if others).

The obsession with ring doorbells (especially those that let occupiers hear their guests conversations) had expanded to cameras actually IN the house, that are on permanently.

When there was a thread about that, I was horrified that so many people were filming, and sometimes even recording, their friends' visits. And that their partners were able to access the streaming at work. And they all thought it was fine that their visitors didn't know they were being filmed. And of course they all said they didn't actually watch the video, and their partners didn't watch from work. Which begs the question, why have the cameras on in the first place?

It is really disturbing that so few people cake their own or others' privacy these days.

saraclara · 14/07/2022 23:51

Oops. Sorry about the typos. Cake = have of course. Bedtime.

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 23:53

CadburyCrunchy · 14/07/2022 23:49

It's creepy for adults to have tracking apps! I love how @Nocturness says "I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was". Yeah right, ok then... she checks where he is alright but is trying to sound innocent... people who use these apps don't or have reason not to trust their partners...

What a weird post.

There’s nothing creepy about me being able to check where my husband is if he’s late getting back from a bike ride, or from being out on his motorbike. There’s nothing creepy either about him checking where my train has got to if he wants to have dinner ready for when I arrive home.

TheDogsMother · 14/07/2022 23:57

I find this quite creepy and stalkerish. Why would anyone want to check where there partner/ husband was unless there are trust issues. We do all need a bit of space. Kids are a different issue.

shouldbesleepingnotscrolling · 15/07/2022 00:01

We use it mainly to see if dh will be home for dinner or is is still miles away (travels a lot for work), I like to eat together if we can but if hes going to be ages, the kids need to eat and get to bed.
Also we have nothing to hide, as boring as it may be I go to work, the supermarket, my friends, go for a run.
To the PP, why would I mind if he looks and sees Im doing any of that? My movements wouldn’t be any different if FindMyFriends was on or off. Id say if anything its people who don’t want to be tracked that something to hide, not the people who do track each other!

parenthood1989 · 15/07/2022 00:04

CadburyCrunchy · 14/07/2022 23:49

It's creepy for adults to have tracking apps! I love how @Nocturness says "I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was". Yeah right, ok then... she checks where he is alright but is trying to sound innocent... people who use these apps don't or have reason not to trust their partners...

I trust mine, however as it happens he is disabled and never leaves the house alone so watching his location is a barrel of fucking laughs.

WhackingPhoenix · 15/07/2022 00:05

Nope. I have no reason to want to track DP, or be tracked by him. If for any reason he needs to know my exact location at any given time (i.e. I am lost or lying injured somewhere), I will either tell him or send him a pin on WhatsApp.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2022 00:12

I think each to their own but I wouldn't do it. I think it's fine for children. However, my ex-h left for an OW and she immediately set up tracking. The panic on his face if I asked to have a word with him or on one occasion when DS left his bookbag in the car and ex had to turn round and come back, it all became a source of amusement for me. That is no way to live but I guess she has trust issues 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄

BeerPongChampion · 15/07/2022 00:13

We’ve all got the iPhone Find My thing on our phones. I probably use it a couple of times a week to see where partner and kids are. They use it occasionally to see if I’m near the shop on the way home to ask me to get something or to come to me if I’m at families house and they’re nearby. No trust issues, everyone chooses to have it as it’s useful, it’s not a big deal for us.

MissyCooperismyShero · 15/07/2022 01:03

Yup we both have Life 360. Surely everyone should have someone who can track them even if you don't trust your partner then fgs share your details with your mum or a friend. Or leave a second phone at work that can track you. Both of us do solo home visits. Obviously it's usually fine but no reason to think it always will be and DH will miss me a lot sooner than a work colleague.

BookWorm45 · 15/07/2022 06:11

Nothing weird or creepy about it when both partners agree. I track my husband when he is out on long bike rides - not constantly, but might look at his location once - and the aim is that if he had an accident, or didn't come home as expected, I would be able to find his location using Google maps.

TidyDancer · 15/07/2022 06:21

I think these things can be easily abused but do have their value.

I track my sister on mine because she likes to run alone in the countryside and she feels better knowing I can find her if necessary (lives nearby to me and is single so no partner to track her). I can also see the value in having kids on it, etc.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose wife is quite controlling and obsessive about his movements and she tracks him on iPhone to check he is where he says he is. Not the greatest relationship clearly anyway, but she is very much abusing the function.

user1474315215 · 15/07/2022 06:36

CadburyCrunchy · 14/07/2022 23:49

It's creepy for adults to have tracking apps! I love how @Nocturness says "I don’t know why everyone thought is was strange to use this. I might only use it once a month, never really to check randomly where he was". Yeah right, ok then... she checks where he is alright but is trying to sound innocent... people who use these apps don't or have reason not to trust their partners...

This is complete nonsense. DH and our two adult daughters all have the 'find my friends' feature enabled on our phones - we don't stalk each other but we do find it extremely useful for meeting up at events etc. Nothing remotely sinister.

Divebar2021 · 15/07/2022 06:59

It will be a cold day in hell when anyone tracks me on a device - maybe in 30 years time when I’m an old lady who’s taken to wandering off. I consider it the same way I do somebody having access to my phone or mail - it’s the principle of it. I don’t need to have anything to hide which incidentally is the strap line of every controlling person ever. I know colleagues who were being tracked who would get phone calls from their partners if they were not where they were “supposed” to be ie the pub. It would result in lots of to-ing and fro-ing leaving the phone in the office and then having to go back to get it. One colleague would check CCTV cameras at home and make comments about her DH like “ he should be mowing the lawn by now” when the poor bastard was on a day off.

Next we’ll be expected to get implanting microchips like a pet under the excuse of “ensuring the dinners on the table” rather than you know….actual communication.