Fed up with my son. Not fair on my other children

[Notoschool]

Ok so there is some history with mental health issues . We are waiting on CAMHS. I often chase them up but its a long waiting list .

I have posted about the situation before under this name. But also once or twice under other names. I can't even remember what names they were . But its my way of trying to stay anon. But trying to give a bit of back ground as well.

So my son has some issues going on which effect his mental health/moods etc. We have had social services involved but they left. Also tried to get him counselling and support whilst we are waiting for CAMHS. But he refused to engage. Social services left because there's basically nothing they can do. So that leaves us waiting for CAMHS.

Today's post is about how fed up I am with walking on egg shells around him and my other children have to suffer as well. He spends most of the nights awake till silly o clock. He gets up about 12.30/1.30 in the afternoon. It's just me and him in the house. Sometimes he's in the living room . Some times in his room. I go to get my children from school at 2pm and get home around 4.15.

As soon as we are home . He gets his ps5 puts it on in the living room . This would not be a problem. BUT every time my 6 and 7 year old make a bit of kiddie type noise. Or interact with each other . Or have a low volume on their tablets or ask a question. He starts on them constantly telling them turn it down. Be quite, stop it. Don't sit there , ds6 playing In garden don't make noise with that. Basically they can't be kids.

Now compared to what it was a few months back he is better . But he is still quite aggressive in his tone and body language to me. Some of it could be me as I have had it go on for so long that I'm expecting it so maybe it's in my head.

I do tell him to leave them alone over and over again. But I get met with the aggressive tone . I don't know how to explain it he kind of trys to shut me down.

Hes not been to school in a long time. He has agreed to go to college in September that is a massive step for him. And he seems positive about it. But im to scared to say to mich to him about how he is with his younger siblings incase I rock the boat to much and we go back to stage one . I just keep telling myself roll on September. And then he might have a focus. And maybe meet friends and things might get better.

I just want my kids to be kids 😔

@Notoschool

you have dedicated a lot of time and energy to this thread.

you began the process of getting support for your son but gave up because of you own mental health issues.

Honestly, I think at this point if you genuinely stand a chance in this dire situation improving, hide this thread and focus that time and energy on beginning the process again and setting up a safe space in your bedroom for your other children to play and watch tv in after school

I really don’t think the other children should be having a ‘safe space’ ie hiding in the corner of mum’s bedroom. It’s not right or fair for them to learn they sit crammed in a bedroom every day to avoid abuse. If it’s that bad I think op should go straight to the kids’ school and admit she can’t provide a safe space for the kids to play at home. That they need to hide in her bedroom after school.

Of course it is not “right”

pretty much everything about this situation is not “right”

But until something significant can be done to address the many issues, something urgently needs to be done to protect the younger children.

But until something significant can be done to address the many issues, something urgently needs to be done to protect the younger children.

Of course. But to me that ‘something urgent’ isn’t telling them they can play silently in the corner of mum’s bedroom. It’s going straight to the safeguarding lead at the kids’ school (and social services) and telling them the kids have to come home from school to play in a bedroom so their teen brother doesn’t abuse them, that they’re frightened in the home and you can’t/aren’t protecting them. Being honest and open that your kids are living miserable and in fear.

Nothing would happen immediately
no chance

But it would be taking steps and being open and honest rhay you can’t provide a safe home for your kids rather than letting them play in the kitchen/bedroom silently and letting the teenager bully the whole family into submission. Personally I’d also be phoning the police every single time he kicks off if it becomes violent and would be ringing social services daily. But I just wouldn’t be making a space in the bedroom where all the other kids have to play silently so their brother doesn’t bully and terrify them.

I second this. Phone the police very single time he threatens or is aggressive. You need to be really proactive with social services. Tell them you can’t cope and he needs to be taken into care. Tell them if they don’t organise it he will be put out in the street. Tell them you and your children are not physically safe and they need to act urgently.

Do this and put as much in writing as you can.

If he hasn't harmed your other children physically yet (despite emotionally and mentally abusing them) that doesn't mean he won't and you need to document that you've reached out for help many times because this paper trail and the fact that people will not be able to say there was plausible deniability if things go wrong will prompt social services to start acting and getting help both for your son and for your other children.

If you also let the school know your other children don't feel safe at home they may well offer things such as free after school clubs etc - they will do all they can to help them and minimise the impact of the abuse. Even if all they provide is a space where your children can talk about how their brother makes them feel, that would be important. They're so little and they're being damaged. Your son needs help but your little ones do too.