The most callous/inappropriate words of condolences you’ve seen

[Eastie77Returns]

My friends husband recently died. They were a lively, party hard couple who hosted parties with epic drinking sessions and were known as users of recreational drugs. The husband died from an illness that could be linked to excessive drinking but at this stage none of us (friends of wife) know exactly what killed him.

One of our friends has written on his memorial page (I’m paraphrasing a bit): “RIP xxx. Gone too soon, you were a lovely soul. Your lifestyle caught up with you in the end but you lived life to the full and not everyone can say that”. She is not a native English speaker so I have no idea if she meant it to come across the way it did but all of us were WTF when we read it😮

I’m veering between finding it comically inappropriate and a bit callous and not sure which of the two it falls under!

Fiona Moss though was a total shit.

In the car going to my dear Dad's funeral with Mum and my 2 sisters, one of my sisters had had a very acrimonious divorce. Her ex was also deceased. She said 'I hope when Dad sees xxxxx he headbutts him.'
The lovely driver kept his cool but I could see his shoulders slightly shaking, This still makes me smile.

@Eastie77Returns what your friend said would be perfectly acceptable in many countries.

I'm sorry Lemon, but yes, I've had similar experiences. When my Dad died I was ringing various banks, companies, etc. and one woman was pretty abrupt with me. I said that I was surprised she hadn't offered condolences, and she said, "Oh we don't do that in case it offends people." 😶

Several years late, another relative had died (their spouse, still living had dementia), and had no children so it fell to me to inform of their passing. The telephone company refused to change the name of the account to their spouse without speaking to the bill payer/account holder. I rather snappily asked if they were intending to hold a séance.

People are so rude and ignorant.

There’s something weirdly terrifying about [edited by MNHQ to remove name] the HR woman who told a pp a sister was not “close family”. How does one become such a single minded corporate drone that they lose all humanity? Do they wake up in the night with the sick realisation they have become monstrous? People like that are how the nazis put their “final solution” into practice. Chilling.

@WonderingWanda I had a similar GP. Had a miscarriage- ‘well that’s why there aren’t more disabled children walking around’

This is so lovely and innocent! My cousin did something similar when he was told his gran (not my gran, the gran on his mum's side) has passed away. He was only about 5 and he said to my aunt - does that mean we can't have fish and chips anymore tonight? Rose a smile in the middle of a lot of sadness.

So sorry to everyone writing on here and I hope you find comfort and strength one day. Some of these are just awful and people should know better, others are a bit foot n mouth awkward but probably didn't intent to be mean.

Sorry for your loss 💔 My GP during the time I lost my baby said this to me too! So very hurtful!Turns out mine was due to endometriosis.

@EarringsandLipstick try a West Indian (my parents background) funeral for inappropriate comments. I’ve heard people approach grieving relatives outside the church to remind them that the deceased owed them money and when they can get it back? My mum and her friends ‘love a good funeral’ and will take Tupperware with them to bring food home. They will often criticise the bereaved family if the food is not of a high enough standard!

This is sick. If I were the boss or HR I would asses on a case by case basis. For one person, they may not grieve too much over a parent, but they might over a cousin, even second cousin, and should have the right to attend a funeral or take some compassionate leave if they need to.

See now, I felt the exact opposite. My DM died a few months ago when DS2 was 9 weeks old and a putting us through absolute hell as it was… I can’t tell you how sick I got of recieving flowers, you get the faff of finding a vase, trimming the stems, throwing the packaging away, changing the water, then after a few days the petals start dropping off then the whole bunch dies, you’ve got to throw them away and clean the feckin vase out… whoever decided they were a good thing to send someone recently bereaved?!

However. One friend sent brownies and they were a godsend. There were so many days when I just forgot to eat, or couldn’t face cooking and eating a meal or even a bowl of noodles, but I could just have a little brownie square to tide me over. Those brownies were bloody magical.

So now if ever a close friend suffers a bereavement I’ll be sure to send brownies and not flowers!

I got a call to say that the ‘test’ that mum had had come back and she had cancer and was being operated on the next day. I told my boss that I had to go home to see mum. ‘But do you have enough holiday?’

I just scowled and walked out.

Utter bollocks. Why are some dog lovers/owners so incredibly dense and callous?

Unfortunately some people are so dumb. It's the same when some has cancer and idiots pipe up " I know how you feel my mother died of it " thoughtless twats !

I’ve name changed for this as it will be outing to some who know me. When I was a mid teen my father died. I had been taken on holiday abroad with a friend’s family. He had been unwell for a month before we left but prognosis was unknown at that point, not terminal. I found out he had died after I used a pay phone to call home on day 2. When I returned to the beach the mum said “How’s your Dad Blinking?’, I said (struggling to hold my 16yo self together) ‘I’m afraid he’s died’. Her response? ‘Well, that’s our holiday ruined isn’t it!’ . I’m horrified to this day and it brings tears to my eyes. They refused to let me fly home and were horrid to me for the remaining 4 days we were there. My friend was embarrassed but unable to do anything other than say sorry. I’ve never been able to tell my Mum, she’d be horrified and distraught.

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a sibling is often one of the hardest losses, that she was a young mother too....I feel for you all.

Oh my God....that is appalling...you poor thing! what a terrible thing to happen to a young girl and to receive that response!!! monsters...

I had a late miscarriage at 22 weeks, it was my first baby and unfortunately had to give birth, had 6 weeks off work.

The second day I was back my boss (who I was quite close with) took my aside to show me her positive pregnancy test, then told me to keep it secret as she was only a few weeks gone 🤬

I think I must have the emotional intelligence of a gnat as I found that quite a moving and touching tribute

< slopes away >

(am sorry for your loss)

My first cycle of IVF resulted in a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. At my hospital appointment after the laparotomy the consultant said ‘Now we know you can get pregnant!’. He didn’t quite rub his hands with glee.

There are no words, just mind boggling.

My grandfather (maternal) and my father died within six months of each other (my parents had been divorced for about 25 years then). I was very close to them both.

The week after father's funeral mother told me it was dreadful her father had died and she was now an orphan and I wouldn't be able to understand it until she died. I cannot begin to imagine saying that to my grown up daughter.

for all who have been cut to the quick when grieving.

My aunt got pregnant to a real bastard-she was carrying twins when he pushed her down the stairs at 6 1/2 months pregnant

the twin at the ‘front’ took the hit,my aunt went into labour,had two girls and the ‘front’ twin died at 4 days old-she would have been brain damaged from the fall/born so early

a lot of people would avoid her in the street,but one cunt stopped her (she was pushing twin 2 down the street not long after bringing her home from the hospital) to say how sorry she was but ‘it’s for the best twin 1 died-IT would have been a spastic and you don’t need to be tied to that for the rest of your life’

my aunt decked her-and I for one don’t blame her at all

Why is that thoughtless?