We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

[WildOnce]

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

*I don’t think I’d even notice if two parents came with their child, instead of the (apparently) requisite one.

And I’d bloody well have offered them a cup of tea.*

So - you decide to suck it up and do the whole class party thing. At home. And everyone comes. I think you’d notice 60 people there rather than 30. And I bet you’d be tearing your hair out at that tea order…..!

There is one family who do this on our party circuit and everyone does raise an eyebrow at it, especially since the other child is a good 3/4 years older than the othet kids.

I get weekends are family time but a party is 2-3 hours it's hardly the whole weekend.

Not especially. I have a vast family and as such, I own a tea urn for such occasions. It’s a boon.

What makes you think I have a large house?

We never all went together unless it was made clear the invitation was to the whole family. Usually it's just your kid who is the guest and really your only job is to stand to one side and keep an eye on them to make sure they are safe/behaving themselves.

It was often the parents who didn't do the school run who did the parties at weekends so it was a great way for working parents to meet others if they were rarely or never at the school gate.

I’m really astounded by the strength of feeling here…it’s a 3 years olds party…they do tend to have parents. Maybe it’s just best to check in the future op? In my circle both parents are very welcome!

Please dont worry OP, in the real world noone bats an eyelid at a breatfeeding baby attending and your partner.

They do mind if the child is expecting food and a party bag but the party organiser doesn't know so cant accomodate them, failing that most people really dont care 🤣

It would have felt odd for me to have turned up and DH not if he knew them and I didn’t. What would I have said? ‘Oh, my DH, the one you actually know, isn’t here because mumsnet told me only one parent is allowed to a child birthday party’?
Very odd mindset . Your child was the one invited to the party, the host wouldn't have given a shiny shite who accompanied him. Or even noticed.

This thing you said:

I don’t think I’d even notice if two parents came with their child, instead of the (apparently) requisite one.

I can promise you that when I lived in a tiny flat, and had to limit the number of tiny children - even toddlers - that my kids could invite to their birthday parties, purely for reasons of space, the idea that I would "not even notice" if twice as many adults as expected had turned up.

Only someone who has no real concept of what it means to live in a very, very small space could make such a comment.

Such assumptions.

I think some of our objection posts are being misconstrued. No one has said that a parent can't accompany their child. It's the second parent (plus any kids that aren't babies).

I have a large house but still don't want to host extra adults unnecessarily. Every party I've hosted at home has been chaos, despite our best intentions and organisation. I also feel more self conscious doing the activities when there's a larger audience.

Parties are for the kids to have fun and play together. Not as a weekend social activity for the whole family, unless it's specifically that type of invite.

Assumptions? You can't fit two pints into a half pint pot, that's a material reality. Nothing to do with how good a host you are, space isn't elastic.

This absolutely. My eldest is now 18 so I’ve been on the party circuit for many many years and I’ve never ever thought about it all this much.

One parent or two really really doesn’t make a massive difference to me. Even back in the day when we lived in a teeny flat - we’d all just squeeze up a bit.

OP I can’t believe the grilling you’ve got.

Well seeing as the OP even put in the title that they were ‘that’ family, I think they know that were at least a bit out of order and should have been prepared for the ‘grilling’! I don’t think posters have been overly mean towards the OP on this thread though.

It's a bit weird, especially with the breastfed baby. Surely it would be easier to stay at home, rather than lug yourself to a party your child and DH was going to anyway. If I was the mum I'd not say anything, but probably think you were quite insecure especially if it's DHs female friend.

I would expect a breastfeeding baby if it was Mum who attended, otherwise would send one parent with invited kid and text/confirm okay in advance if I needed to take siblings. Wouldn’t bother me if both parents showed though and as you have a small baby doubt it was an issue.

It’s totally fine and normal. Often you only see one parent when they have more than one child so the other parent is at home with the other child or children. I see many couples come to parties when they only have one child. It’s the ones with multiple that don’t.

ooh I always think that is so weird - and it's an extra adult to find room for. I know a couple like that and to be fair they are very lovely and clearly just enjoy having time all together, but they even do it in crowded places (school disco) and during covid when it's quite thoughtless to needlessly bring extra adults.

I am sociable so sometimes I'd enjoy tagging along with DH - but free time is in short supply when you have kids so usually the free parent gets on with all the stuff you don't have time for otherwise! And in many cases the other parent has the other dc.

Don't feel bad about doing things as a family. Especially your DCs first friends birthday party. If dad felt comfortable going as well then all power to you. Far too many lone parents at these things if you ask me. It's nice to meet new people!
Our DS had a birthday party invite from one of his nursery friends and me and DH both went. We both wanted to share the experience, just as we do with every part of his life. I find it odd if both parents are free and available that only one would go? Each to their own, you enjoy time with your family unit and don't fret about 'etiquette' as it's all varied x

Definately no partner and no other children if it can be helped. So odd. That's unless you both know the person, as in your friends.

Really don’t worry

im the past I’ve taken the child invited and paid for my other child to go in , sometimes they’ve insisted no it’s fine

Going against the grain here, by the looks. We always attend as a family where possible. We see it as us time. All the children in my sons school do the same. Maybe it's because we mostly get along? The parents get some adult time and the kids get kids time. We love it.

It’s totally fine! As long as they didnt say there was limited space in the venue or catering for adults. Why can’t you all go and socialise?

If its one child I will normally take. There have been a couple of occasions that husband has come as both children were invited. The last time he came as I had had surgery the day before and wanted to make sure I was OK

We always attend as a family where possible. We see it as us time 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️