15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Before DC was born, I had planned to send them to nursery at 1 year old. However, DC seemed to be delayed and had extreme separation anxiety (vomiting if either Dad or I left them), so we reluctantly sent DC to nursery at 15 months, as had to work.

Being at nursery, spending most of their time with the SENCO meant that they received far more specialist help at nursery than they could at home. My DC received their autism diagnosis and global development delay diagnosis at 2 years and 3 months. Nursery also helped with applying for EHCP to get additional support for DC when they start school on September.

While you may be happy being at home with your DD, and I really do understand wanting to cocoon her in your bubble, from the description of your concerns around her development, nursery could be extremely beneficial.

Just so your aware in many areas OT in the nhs aren’t contracted to do sensory things, we have had some amazing sensory advice from OTs but under the guise of being other issues!

I’ve seen on the childrens centre page that with a HV referral they have sensory sessions and drop in sessions with OT, Ed psych and salt so I’m going to ask her about those as she hadn’t even told me just pushed and pushed about nursery ! Hopefully they may help

Yes i think there is that ‘bubble’ I feel like I want to prepare her gently for what could be a scary world if she does have asd and just try to gradually expose her to things over the coming months and then try nursery when she’s 3.

Like I said, some responses have been harsher than others, but, and as a pp said, you've labelled those you don't like as goady.

You're coming across as defensive. As you said this thread was primarily about dealing with the health visitor, rather than whether to send your child to nursery (paraphrased), you should be careful with that approach.

I mean I can go on and keep quoting the goady and unecessary posts

None of those are goady, in my view - they're not my posts but I agree to an extent with some of the points made.

I think you've over-pathologised some possible issues your DC might have - there's no actual diagnosis at 2 - and are overly focused on a certain perspective.

It's totally your choice about nursery but I find your reasons implausible & still believe you are not taking advantage of supports that would help you both.

But, your choice, as you say

AS i pointed out upthread, my language delayed, dyspraxic, autistic 2yo did amazingly at Nursery where i PAID for him to go for 10 hours a week when he was 2.5. (before places for 2yo were a thing)

It completely changed his developmental arc and his speech and motor skills came on in absolutely leaps and bounds.. was 100% the right choice. at 2.5 he DID NOT SPEAK,.. by 3 he didnt shut up (And hasn't since, even though his verbal skills are still delayed, because he is still dyspraxic which comes with a 20% delay, roughly)

Maybe instead of assuming none of us know what we're talking about, you should actually read what those of us with SN/SEN kids have been saying.

Sometimes parents are hesitant because if a child starts nursery and shoots forward developmentally it could look as if something is lacking at home. In reality some children just suit a communal environment and having the chance to copy other children rather than being anxiously coaxed by a loving and very protective adult.

This

I think it’s that people don’t realise how much or how fast development can be in the toddler years. How can you tell if it’s nursery or just growing up?

Exactly and I’m really confident that an extra year at home being nurtured at her own pace with some additional help will be the best for dd

5zeds

Of course.

I remember that tumble tots, my dd was already really good at scrambling, balancing etc if I went it was for fun. Perhaps for DC in a flat with no garden or outdoor space perhaps it would be really helpful but I didn't like the way it was sold as something nesecary almost and without it they won't come on physical!

My dd went at 3 and had the most crap key worker.
But now I know more of what they should have been doing!
It's all the little things and resources it's unlikely to have at home.

If I was op I would try it.
Looking back at my experience with my dd.

I fully believe for a nt child they will be fine with toddler groups which usually have a structure to them including lots of opportunities for socialising, talking, interaction with peer's, craft, climbing etc, then snacks where they have to sit, a story, sat down listening, singing.... rhyming but all with mum or child minder there.
What they don't have is the observation part which is what ops dd may need to get assistance.
However...she's going at 3 so that's still v young anyways! Plenty of time to get help but the sooner the better and getting into the systems the sooner the better..

OP, obviously you know your own child and you want to protect her but please don’t think that the posters who disagree with you are just being ignorant. Many of the posters on this thread have children with SEN. This is my first post on this thread but I agree with many of their points.

As a mum of a 16 year old who was born extremely prematurely and has ASD, ADHD, DCD, SPD and various other complexities, and attends a special school, I would like to think that my own experience isn’t one of ignorance just because my learned experience differs to yours. My son started mainstream nursery aged 18 months. I wasn’t working at the time but it was suggested by his various medical professionals. It was brilliant for him. The nursery’s reports helped us to get SALT, OT and 1:1 support at nursery. This all paved the way to get him an EHCP in place before he started school. I’m not saying this is the only path, but it worked for my son.

Also please be aware of posters expressing their own personal opinion but presenting it as fact, such as stating that nurseries are unsuitable for non verbal children. In some cases this may be the case, such as in the PP’s own experience, but for so many other families nurseries have been a great help to their child with SEN. Good luck OP and I hope you get everything sorted for your DD.

I think you've over-pathologised some possible issues your DC might have - there's no actual diagnosis at 2 - and are overly focused on a certain perspective

This. I think that’s possibly why I’m finding it hard to understand your choices.

2 is very young absolutely, but it’s also an age notoriously difficult to diagnose ND because so many difficulties blur into developmental areas that have a really wide scope of what’s expected at particular stages. Challenging a child in different environments can lead to certainty in any issues they may be experiencing or give insight into them responding to different methods that they just haven’t been exposed to.

It’s not a judgement on parenting, it’s recognition that no one gets a handbook for each individual child and if you have concerns that aren’t resolving with your methods and then if you bring them up with outside professionals they are likely to make suggestions that involve more outside professionals.

You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone but I think you’re missing the fact that what you’ve been offered is what a lot of parents with similar concerns have sought and probably not been able to access. From the perspective of the HV they’re probably surprised your refusing it given your list of concerns and don’t have much to offer outside of what you’re already doing.

I think it’s that people don’t realise how much or how fast development can be in the toddler years. How can you tell if it’s nursery or just growing up?

I agree that lots is down to the child themselves but you can absolutely track what nurseries have documented introducing and working on. Their greatest strength is the perspective to pick up on weakness or holes in a child’s development and finding strategies that work for the individual child.

More widely than that, when children enter reception teachers observe differences between children who have attended a nursery/pre-school compared to their peers. That’s a general observation that won’t be true of each and every child depending on their input at home but in general there is an observable difference.

From a straight education perspective it all levels out pretty quickly throughout primary, but, that doesn’t take into consideration the stresses on the child playing catch up, stresses that then impact on other areas and confidence.

This is a very tricky thread. I am about to say things OP is not going to like.

1)Are you on the SN boards OP? You should be, they are very supportive.

2. OP Is very defensive, she claims posts are goady, but they are not, they are just saying things she doesn't like. for example someone mentioned that she had let her two-year-old become overweight, she said this was Goady, but it's not, it's a fact, she has.

3)HV's can be Overzealous, intrusive and unprofessional. Op says there are no red flags, when many posters disagree. I suspect that the hv sees op as actually obstructive and denying her daughter the medical care that she is entitled to.

Why is op only just now talking about having dd hearing test done, this should've been arranged before, or op at least followed it up ages ago.

The hv has suggested nursery 3 times, and op has done nothing about it nor offered any alternatives to hv. but the fact that the hv has suggested it three times and nothing has changed suggests that the hv is actually concerned that this is a woman, who is keeping her daughter away when dd actually needs more support.

They may say see this as a huge huge red flag.

4. Ask for all those of referrals that you listed before to be done; the ASD, the processing. The OT. The speech and language referral. Then hv won't keep harping on about nursery for a fourth time because you'll have addressed all these issues and HV won't have any grounds.

5. dd is already seeing a paediatrician? Is that correct, because of being overweight?

6. I still can't see how anything you suggested is going to improve the separation anxiety - your only answer to this is to keep her tucked up at home with you for the next year.

7. You don't need an ASD diagnosis to implement all the adjustments and put in place all the things that might help her ASD. Unlike ADHD diagnosis, When medication may then be given, in reality an ASD diagnosis doesn't change that much - everything that you then get / are entitled to, you could've already put most of it into place.

@Summerwhereareyou OP should NOT have to send her nonverbal child to nursery to access observation. Her child is either ready or not ready for a more institutional experience and OP thinks not. There is nothing to suggest OPs home isn’t a rich learning and nurturing environment for her child. The assumption that developmental delay is caused by environment is infuriating to those of us who have to live through this. I was extremely fortunate that my child (who was very similar in some ways to OPs) was a twin and had an older obviously very able sibling. I STILL got people suggesting I should “talk to him more” and “had I tried reading to him” 🙄 The problem really is one of experience and VERY few people have experience of non verbal older children.

She sees a dietician

I didn’t even think about her hearing till it was mentioned here as she had screening at birth which was fine. Surely the HV should have thought of it though ?

Excellent post @Oblomov22 I'm in complete agreement

Yes and it’s not like I’ve said I’m not sending her at all and will be home educating!!!

im sending her at 3 and then to school obviously

I have never declined or obstructed any medical care ????

nursery is NOT medical care !!!!

I’ve taken dd to all her checks, immunisations, dietician appt , followed all advice. She’s only just on 91st centile and now static and all advice followed it was just the HV suggested it to stop things getting worse not that it was a huge problem. Me and dh are both really tall as is dd so it could just be her build as she’s on a high centile for height too

If her centile for height is high she SHOULD be on a high centile for weight. That wouldn’t mean she was overweight though so their must be a difference or she wouldn’t be seeing a dietitian.

Previously she was 80th for both - still 80th for height but jumped to 91 weight so HV said let’s nip this in the bud because dd had an odd diet which I fully agreed with and have been working with her fully about this

@5zeds

You've misunderstood my post and I don't blame you for that!

I also had a child with a delay.

I'm just being pragmatic.
Her child will have access to observations and lots of other things and strategies.
She doesn't have to do anything at all.

But equally she can try it and stop it
This is the part I'm not getting....why not try it!

Re a rich learning setting, unless op studies the early year's foundation etc it would be hard to recreate what a good nursery can provide but not impossible.

To be clear I’ve said yes to everything so far except nursery. Everything else I’ve agreed with and engaged with.

i had asked the HV for support !!!! Usually you have a 1 year check then 2-2.5 year check in between those I’ve asked for help I’m not obstructing at all!

I know nursery will be good for her - but when she’s ready and she’s not yet. There’s nothing wrong with that I’m allowed to make decisions for my child

There is a service I can access via the childrens centre specifically for children not in a childcare setting to have the developmental checks