15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Can I ask if you & /or your DP are overweight or obese?

I have never known a 2 year old be referred to a dietician (unless there was a medical issue) so just wondering if they are helping the family unit as a whole

No we aren’t and dd according to the HV is ‘only just’ overweight not obese at the 91st centile but she told us it’s better to nip these things in the bud

It was also because she is a fussy eater and only consumes a few foods

Sorry posted too soon - dd will only eat a few things which are :
-breadsticks
-crackers
-apples
-grapes
-frozen veg mix
-baby fruit pouches (have to be chilled)
-smooth yogurt
-anything with mince so we can hide veg in that luckily but she will eat bolognese, chilli, savoury mince etc

Might be worth looking at Avoidant Retrictive Food Disorder (arfid) with what has been said about food

And croissants I forgot to add ! But not too often as obviously won’t help weight but she loves dry or crispy or cold foods

I’ll have a look, the HV said she might just be favouring certain things due to teething as she had quite a lot of teeth suddenly all
come through but she has always been like this so I’m not sure it is teeth. We registered her with a dentist though and she had a check up which was all fine, we needed to check as well because of her still having bottles to check for any decay and if her teeth were ok and luckily all fine

I had the same pressure. Ignored it and started my son the September after he's 3 so he had a year of preschool before starting school. He's coming towards the end of that year now and he's absolutely loved it. So glad I sent him. And so glad I kept him home those first 3 years because I enjoyed the majority of it! Doing the same with my daughter now who's 2. Going to enjoy this year taking her to groups whilst big brother goes to school!

Personally I would send her to nursery. I have 3 kids, the youngest is very different to my older 2, speech delay, struggles to regulate her emotions. I sent her to nursery as soon as I could and she is like a different toddler! The first few days she cried but she got over it quickly.
Keeping her home with me wouldn’t have done her any favours, she is 2.5 now and speaks in sentences, has a lot less tantrums, she lives going to nursery and seeing her friends! I doubt a lot will change between now and your DD turning 3, in my opinion the longer she has at nursery the more time that is to socialise with other kids and get her prepared for school.

OP, I would do as @BertieBotts suggests - lots of one-to-one talking (no dummy), moving around, playing. I'm not personally in favour of nursery for any child under three, and particularly not for one with developmental/speech delay. It may be a good idea to push for additional help/advice - but I'd think that a nursery setting could delay speech even further.

I realise that there are PP saying how much their child has come on since starting nursery - but there is nothing particular to suggest that it's nursery that has had this effect. Children's development is not linear, and these same children may well have developed in the same way (or even more) if they'd been at home with an engaged parent. So long as your DD is out a lot, meeting people and learning with you, I wouldn't in a million years change that now.

My child is much older now but I found the SNChat boards really helpful when he was younger. Restricted diet, developmental delay, and limited communication are very common on that board and it’s nice to talk to people who really understand. I don’t post there much anymore but back then we had people trying all sorts of different approaches and it was interesting and non judgemental.

In regards to the goady unkind responses I just feel like it’s coming from a place of ignorance so I’m not annoyed or anything.

That's unfair, OP.

Some responses have been harsher than others, but nobody has been goady that I've seen. You've been given a lot of good and helpful advice, whether you choose to take any of it, and I hope you do, is your choice.

Most posters haven't been goady you have got some incredibly good advice but you asked and then didn't like the response.

Point is your child needs additional support to develop attending playgroups isn't going to magic that away.
Attending things which csn help her develop like singing hands for Makaton or tiny talks for BSL to help her communicate will given your refusal.
sorry but you seem to have your head in the sand and your not really helping your DD with your attitude and refusal of something that can really help her.

As far as I can see literally no-one has been goading you whatsoever and everyone that could be perceived as being judgemental has a sen or additional needs child, it's coming from a place of experience and support, for whatever reason you just seem very resistant to that. I hope you do know best and hope it works out fine but it definitely doesn't hurt to take the majority vote of experience and give things a try. The thing about being a parent is you may do your best but ultimately that might not BE the best for your child, it's all a learning curve and I wish I'd had the advice support and hope youve had throughout this thread

Research does not show this at all. This is an extremely fucked up view.

This was quite goady actually . Mentioning neglect , abuse

And this ? Red flags ?

the only ‘red flags’ are for possible asd not anything I am doing wrong

This was also rude

I mean I can go on and keep quoting the goady and unecessary posts if people are going to gaslight me and say nobody has been goady

This - making out that her separation anxiety, not responding to name and food problems are a ss issue rather than symptoms of possible SEN

Where have I said anything about refusing help - I’ve said I’m going to be seeking a hearing test and asd referral and I absolutely would accept something like makaton or signing no doubt about it !

Anyway - I’ve had some amazing helpful responses and private messages so although some replies haven’t been great at least I’ve had some good really advice amongst them. On my to do list to help dd while she’s at home till nursery at 3 are :
-hearing test
-ASD referral
-sensory groups
-access development checks at childrens centre where they do them for children not in a nursery setting
-signing / makaton
-carry on with dietician advice and ask about ARFID

One thing I will say is I started this thread not to ask for opinions of whether I should send dd to nursery or not but to ask how to assert myself to the HV who wouldn’t back off - I feel like actually I’ve learnt to do that after having to respond to some of the posters here so that’s one thing I guess !

One to one care is normally preferable for young children if you’re in a position to offer it.
Try being ‘broken record’. E.g
Yes I considered it and have made the decision not to take up a nursery place at this time.
then
I have made my decision about that
then
I’m confused why you are continuing to offer this as I’ve already made my decision but thanks for the offer.
then
I’m concerned you aren’t making the appropriate referrals to SLT, can you tell me when you will be doing that?
etc..

Meant to add not having an ‘off switch’ on hunger is a sensory processing thing. The sense is called introception if you want to look it up. A sensory trained OT would be a good place to get advice.

Thanks

It seems odd as she has a narrow range of foods yet will if allowed eat quite a lot of one thing (we obviously don’t let her but if she could she would)

I will add OT referral to my list of things to do I actually feel that the good advice on here has been amazing