15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

She is 91st centile and I have followed all dietician advice. She was at one point only having milk for fluids so I had no choice as she wouldn’t drink otherwise

we have followed advice for weeks now - weight is static and she’s having watered down milk and will now accept water .

when my child wouldn’t drink anything of course I allowed her the one fluid she would accept ?? I was the one who asked the HV for help with it !!!

She must be quite radically overweight if you've been referred to a dietitian? A two year old...
The professionals advising you clearly disagree that you know what's in your dd's best interests, you'd do well to pay attention to them.
Before you're referred to people who won't give you the choice.

Anyway,

Im happy with my decision. I’m confident that I know what is best for my child. She is accessing groups already and I’ve found some others plus support we can access at the childrens centre (sensory groups and they do the development checks if a child isn’t in a nursery so she can still get assessed)
I will be starting getting mil to come and babysit (she has agreed) for small amounts of time building up so that will help and I’m going to ask the gp about a hearing test.

Which centile for height/head circumference?

Have they referred her for assessment?

Again. When she starts nursery or preschool, you can be there for the first few 1 hour sessions as she settles in.

Then you'd go for an hour, then 2, then the whole session.

You wouldn't just dump her there and run.

You need a hell of a lot more help than that. Mama knows best? Crack on and ignore all the advice you have been given. I honestly hope it works out for you for your daughter’s sake.

91st centile

The hv said it’s not too bad but as she had jumped up the centile and was refusing other drinks that a referral wouldn’t do any harm and it’s good to be seen just in case but weight hasn’t gone up. We are just watering down milk and are managing to get her to have small amounts of water too

Well done op, getting development checks somewhere is the main thing.
It doesn't matter where.

It maybe worth you also looking up /getting the early years Foundation stage.
So you can arm yourself with what some people at nursery knows.
Good luck! She's got a fabulous mummy to support her.

Btw if you know mumsent you will know unfortunately some poster's will get v nasty with you....

Part of the reasoning for the funded childcare was to ensure that children are being monitored and kept safe. Lots of children used to just drop off the radar between health visitor visits ending and school.

ive actually done every single thing advised - this is the first thing I’ve not agreed with.

Im doing my absolute best. I suppose it won’t fully translate on an anonymous forum as i can’t explain any more of actually show anyone how difficult dd issues can be or how she’s presenting and reacting to things. I just know she’s not ready yet

HV service is optional and I’ve been more than happy to opt in and be seen and take advice regularly I have zero issue with support it’s just this one aspect I don’t agree with

From what you have said has she been referred for a Autism assessment? Given the massive waiting lists in most areas I would be pushing to get that done now so it’s in action.

No she hasn’t had a referral yet - I think I’m going to ask for a hearing test and if that’s normal I will ask if the HV or GP can refer her

Not trying to be harsh, but it's obvious from your posts you are clueless about what your daughters best interest are and you have absolutely failed her with your "gentle parenting".

And instead of accepting responsibility for your parts you are doubling down on the "I know what's best for my child". I am sure every parent that has ever neglected or even abused their children has also claimed they knew what was best. Although there are cases where some parents do know better than the professionals, but also professionals who are clueless. Majority that has posted doesn't think this is the case here.

I bet you will end up homeschooling cause "you know your child best"...

Personally I would ask for both at once - best to get the ball rolling!

I haven’t rtft, just OPs comments. But I’ve got to query all the ‘parents know best’ comments. All parents think they know best but that is demonstrably NOT the case! No parent is right all they time and some are completely hopeless- we wouldn’t need social services otherwise! Or have any neglected or otherwise screwed up kids - look at the stately homes threads! I’m not say that op is a bad parent, but meaningless platitudes like ‘you know your child best’ can be actively harmful. And before anyone says it, yes, obviously there are some hopeless professionals too. OP, listen to the professionals, take their help.

not trying to be harsh

followed by a load of spiteful rubbish much like when I’ve had people say to me im not being racist but then proceeded to make some kind of racial slur. It’s a bit of a go to isn’t it to start off an insult by denying you’re about to do it 🤦‍♀️

Yes I will especially after a couple of things I’ve learnt from this thread that have made me think it’s even more likely (eg sleeping after stress could actually be shutdown)

I’m going to say this with the greatest respect and I mean no offence by this.

2 year funding is for low income families because there’s a noticeable link between these families and their childrens attainment in school and beyond. It’s not meant to be for the parent, it’s there to help close the gaps between children from the lowest income families and those from higher income families.

with this in mind, from what you have described about your daughter, this is exactly what 2 year is meant for and I’m not surprised there’s been a certain amount of pressure from HCP’s regarding taking this up and sending her.

I would send her.

Has the dietician said that the milk is the only issue? Cows milk is the main drink of choice for lots of toddlers, it's not massively high in calories - have they flagged up any other problems with her diet?

I am concerned that you aren't engaging as much as you say you are, as you've had some really good advice on this thread and you're actively choosing to ignore it, or even be willing to have an open and honest conversation.

Reading your posts I can see why the HV has kindly raised a few concerns with you, if you're adamant you don't want to send her to nursery, it might be worth speaking with the HV and asking for some advice on when you can do.

When we where ar that stage I found writing lists of the concerns I had done helped a lot. Meant I didn’t forget anything in appointments

DS has ASD and while it wasn't obvious for referal before 7, there were clues right back to the speech delay at 2 which opened up sufficiently for SALT by 3.

I did all the "right" things with him, but it was his nursery key worker doing targeted SALT activities that made the difference in progress that got him school ready in a year. I couldn't replicate side by side play. While we had things like small world toys at home, he never engaged with them, but the nursery worker could get better engagement and results from him.

Children behave differently in different settings. While DS2 couldn't leave me alone for milk at home, he was fine for a full length childcare day in nursery, because he wasn't looking for me there. His school personality is different to his home personality. If I hadn't observed him in action, I'd swear that his teachers were talking about the wrong child, but they're not.

Professionals aren't repeatedly suggesting this for fun, it's because statistically it's a beneficial route to try first. It also provides more evidence for SEN investigations which can be tough to be taken seriously as a lone voice.

DS has no support moving up to secondary school because the pace of the system means that seeking referal at 7 was too late to get referred, diagnosed, and apply for an EHCP and go to appeal and get that in place for applications in y6. That was 4 years ago. The system is even worse now because of the Covid delays and additional pressure- we had at least got our diagnosis by the end of 2019.

It's a lot simpler and more productive to work with the faulted system that we have than to fight it without substantial reasons.

So defensive...

Why do you get the 15 hours funding at 2 years? Do neither yourself nor your husband work?

Some places in the UK provide it regardless of employment status.