15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Many of those responding have absolutely no understanding of developmental delay or autism and particularly of language delay. It is in no child’s interest to be pushed beyond their emotional level which (for example) for autistics can be 2/3 of their chronological age without language delay and considerably more with. If OP was talking about a 16 month old nt child would nursery be so automatically desirable?

It's exactly what happened to my son.
Nursery at 2 has done amazing things for him.

That’s interesting @HSKAT and fairly unusual in my experience.

My.child has severe autism and learning disabilities, the assessments from his mainstream nursery helped a great deal to getting a place in a special school for reception

Many of us do have very specific experience of global developmental delay autism and non verbal communication. 3 hours a day is not pushing them beyond a limit, which so far they haven't experienced. You can't asses a limit untill you've given them a chance to reach them with support. All children need challenges in life especially when they are this young to accurately gauge and support them! Specifically my daughter has a gdd of 3or4 years. When she was two she obviously wasn't presenting as a baby because that simply isn't how that works. She was non verbal untill she was nearly seven, she had meltdowns untill she was seven in amongst various other medical and behavioral challenges, and I absolutely believe it all would have been markedly worse without early as possible intervention, starting at two years old and an early nursery place. It was the spring board to other support and tests, it was the base for support for me as a mother. For three hours a day I had a chance to put my head together and actually arrange and deal with all the subsequent appointments and interventions. It gave my daughter another safe space to exist in. Nursery for a two year old isn't structured rules or anything demanding, they have plenty of areas and times for cooling off and alone time and it's 3 hours a day?
As a story of positivity my daughter is now 11, attends a mainstream school with support, has come on leaps and bounds with speech and communicate and is truely flourishing. That won't be everyone's story but it is ours thankfully (medical situations aside)
We are just trying to advocate for a child who's presenting similarly as some of ours and suggesting op takes any and all support available for the sake of her baby.

They should be available without attending nursery @x2boys families with disabilities should have the same range of choices for early years as those without.

Yes @MammaMacgill87 i can see you are coming from a good place, but there is room to hear other experiences and then OP can do what she thinks is best for her child. I’m sorry if I came across as saying nursery is always wrong, what I was trying to say is sometimes taking an extra year or more at home is an appropriate choice.

Thanks for replying @Tdcp we are overseas so any therapy wouldn’t be through CAMHS but it’s encouraging that a parent-led course has such a dramatic effect, how wonderful for your family.

I think she would benefit from starting nursery from what you've said here.

There are a lot of red flags in your post, I can see why the HV is recommending she starts attending nursery. Why can't you see that as a positive thing for her? It's a natural next step etc. she could do morning only sessions and you'd still have her most of the day but she's also be benefiting from building relationships with other people and accessing the support she needs with language, diet etc.

Kindly, I think your daughter might not be the only one with separation anxiety.

We are already accessing help with her weight and I’ve been doing groups etc with her and now looking into more.

nursery at 2 is a choice but I’m being made to feel like actually it’s compulsory and the only way to access support when that’s not the case.

i do not have separation anxiety. I’m trying to parent in a gentle way and be responsive to my dd’s needs. So if she has separation anxiety I want to address that slowly and carefully by building up time apart in the place she feels most secure - home. I’m not sure exactly how much she understands at the moment but I feel like I want to deal with one thing at a time . If everything is familiar and ‘safe’ for her I feel that getting mil round to babysit for increasing lengths of time will mean we are directly dealing with that issue.

If I approach separation anxiety by using nursery dd will be so overwhelmed by noise, people, unfamiliar surroundings all at once that it will be total overload !!

Ds autistic non verbal
Nursery was great for him from age two
It was mainstream but sen experienced
You cannot go by emotional age otherwise ds would have been stuck in reception class instead of attending post 19 sen college

I think you're making loads of assumptions.

Peopkd have bern ssyinh that nursery may bd worth trying for mazny trasons
Op can say "not now"
But
Our sen kids can often surprise us when they given the opportunities
Give it a try

@strawberrycustard

You keep making so many assumptions about nursery without even checking it out. You really don't know what you are talking about.

And I think you are massively overplaying the separation anxiety.

Sorry posted too soon.

I think you're making a lot of assumptions about nursery.

They will do induction so short periods working up to a full session.

They will be able to work with your daughter for quiet space where she can feel comfortable as well.

To help her anxiety I think it's worth a try of having an unfamiliar place become familiar without you there.

I’m confident that I can make sure dd gets everything she needs and make progress so that she’s ready for nursery at 3 rather than rushing it now and causing her to be overwhelmed/stressed etc when she may have SEN.

I want to just carry on as we are - add some more groups and experiences for her , probably get a hearing test as someone suggested just in case, get mil to babysit so we can gently address separation anxiety.

im in no rush to push her into formal childcare when she’s not ready and I can do the same and more at home or accessing groups and support via the childrens centre

She’s not ready - I want to build up her exposure to unfamiliar places gradually and with me as her secure base there . Likewise I want to gradually build up her time with me not present in the home environment with mil so she is only dealing with one change at a time

Maybe I parent differently but different isn’t wrong. I’m trying to be receptive to my child’s needs based on her possible SEN

Your daughter is non verbal, overweight from being overfed, doesn’t react to her name, has huge separation anxiety and yet you think keeping her at home is best against professional opinion that has been flagged 4 times? You still feel you know best?

I’m not risking causing her total sensory overload when I can do things gradually one at a time over the coming months

I started this thread not to ask should I send her to nursery or not but how to deal with a pushy HV not accepting me declining the 15 hours

It's unbelievable, really. Social Services may end up involved, tbh.

Yes

we are accessing support and will continue to do so . Steps are being taken and I’m not declining professional help - I would never do that ! I can meet her needs just as well from home till she goes to nursery at 3- im not saying I’ll never send her just that she’s not ready yet.

i fully engage with the gp, hv and dietician but I won’t say yes to something I don’t believe is in dd best interests

You allowed a 2 year old to become overweight because you couldn’t say no to her…..food overload would worry me more than sensory overload!