15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Also look if the childrens centre offer any parent courses for things like speech as they often have a crèche facility for these so it could work in both ways

I will try and do that Thankyou

I fully accept we need some professional input but I know dd best and I feel she’s not ready for nursery but yes we need to look at how to support her development in other ways

You’re making a lot of assumptions…

I’d keep her home. Nursery is a terrible place for a nonverbal child. I think people are assuming she’s delayed because you aren’t stimulating her enough. It’s a common misconception in language delayed children. They don’t really appreciate neurodiversity and think it could be educated out of a child/person if you all tried a bit harder.

We manage this through children centre which ran a drop in screening test - they also sent DS for hearing tests - glue ear - though his nursery and school also did the same later.

5zeds is absolutely correct you shouldn't need to send child to nursery get help .

Plus while I know some parents found nurseries a help in getting support I know others who found them a hinderance with that insisting everything was fine with child when it's not.

If it's not for you and your DD - just say keep saying no to it.

Upset and not accepting any other fluids at all so I had no choice actually if you must know

I have been working with the dietician - I have followed the advice exactly. We are able to dilute her milk with water so far to a level she doesn’t notice. We have managed to get her to accept some water as an additional fluid too . She will pull me to the kitchen sink and stand staring to let us know if she wants water as opposed to the fridge for milk so we are making progress

Not true.

Depends on the individual nursery or childminder.

Wow, we read very different things from this thread. I see a mother who is looking at a range of different options to support her child, acknowledges and seeks input from specialists, is aware of possible mistakes and ready to change strategies as needed. Well done OP - I'd say that your determination, humility and readiness to learn makes you a model parent.

Nursery can help with speech delay and the separation anxiety. It will also help them assess your daughters needs and get referrals done for her sooner rather than later. If she needs them.

No. Is a complete sentence.

"I’d keep her home. Nursery is a terrible place for a nonverbal child. I think people are assuming she’s delayed because you aren’t stimulating her enough. It’s a common misconception in language delayed children. They don’t really appreciate neurodiversity and think it could be educated out of a child/person if you all tried a bit harder."

My daughter was best friends with a non verbal autistic child at nursery, the nursery were absolutely lovely and and the child really came on with a lot of developments when she attended there, she left before dd to go to school which she could do because she attended nursery.

I wouldn’t send her, there’s plenty of time for organised education when they go to school. I especially don’t see the problem with keeping her at home until she’s 3, another 6 months is nothing.

When I read the title I was going to suggest ignoring them but having read your OP it really does sound like your daughter would benefit. Why don't you try it for say 6 weeks and see how it goes? It needs to be for a few weeks at least to give it a proper chance.

If you don't want to send her to nursery, don't do it. You can do a lot with her as a mother to support language devopment. You could stop the extra milk if you wanted. You know best and it really is up to you, but it sounds like she needs intervention from someone. That could be from you. If that's the choice you make, do some research, educate yourself and do the best you can.

I have a child with ASD and at 2 nursery would not have been the best place for him and would not have solved any of his 'issues'. He would not have understood what was going on and would cry if I went in the (walk in) cupboard to get something and he couldn't see me. You know your child best OP, HV visits are entirely optional, I'd stop seeing yours if she is pressuring you to do things you don't want and isn't actually helping put in place the things you think would be helpful. I would be quite direct and just ask 'how do I access speech therapy?' either from the HV or GP. It's best not to wonder or suggest, you have to be quite direct and be clear what you want.

Mine is now predicted all 8's and 9's for his GCSE's - he went to nursery at 3 at a location he knew with children he knew from toddler group and was absolutely fine because so much was familiar. At 2, in a nursery he didn't know with people and children he didn't know, it would have been a disaster with melt down after melt down. You know your child best and don't let anyone who hasn't lived with a child with ASD tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

You know your child best and don't let anyone who hasn't lived with a child with ASD tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

I am very curious about this sort of logic as @Staynow applies here. If we think it through - it means there is no room for professionals or experts of any description in society when it comes to children and/or their health, wellbeing or development. How far does this logic go? Would we begin to say “You know your child best and don't let anyone who hasn't lived with a child with (insert another medical condition) tell you what you should or shouldn't do.”? For example would we say - “You know your child best and don't let anyone who hasn't lived with a child with anorexia/depression/cancer/diabetes tell you what you should or shouldn't do”. Is this how expertise of any kind in general should be thought of? Ie experts and professional opinions are irrelevant in provision of advice. What is relevant is whether the provider of advice themselves lives with a condition or has a child with a condition?

A lot of the advice on this thread is falling into the category of “you know your child best hunny don’t need to nobody else so you own research and you’ll be fine”. There’s a lot of this around - and this sort of “mum always knows best” and “I did my own research” can be quite damaging and misplaced.

So they've contacted you 3 times this year? As in since the 1 year check? I think they must have concerns if they are seeing you that often so just say thanks but I'm not concerned about nursery just now each time.

My son went to mainstream nursery at three ( the 15 hours at 2 wasn't available then ) he wasn't ready either ,in nappies non verbal etc ,the nursery assessment, s went a long way to his diagnosis of autism and learning disabilities, and getting a place in a special school, I'm not suggesting your daughters needs are the same as my sons ,but nursery can help pick things up and put things in place if need be

By the same token autism is a huge spectrum, my 12 year is still non verbal and in a special school since reception, the nursery assessment, s helped an awful in getting him the right setting .

I hate this whole ‘I know her best’ thing.

just because you spend the most time with her it doesn’t mean you’re always what is best for her regardless of how much you ‘know best’.

you’ve let her become overweight because you refused to take the milk away.
you’re also refusing professional advice on sending her to nursery because of the comfort thing too.

what do you think is going to happen if you leave her at nursery? Her head isn’t going to fall off because of separation anxiety, it’s a very normal thing and it really does get harder as they get older.

why are you so worried about upsetting your child?
you wouldn’t let her run out into a road to avoid upsetting her would you?

Usually only if they are completely resistant to doing things which could actively help the development of their child. If sen has been picked up most parents have to push and fight for provisions and support for their child whereas you seem hell bent on saying no to something which could give her all the solid base/references and then link on to other services at a younger age hopefully resulting in a happy supported child.
It's seems the hv/gp have advised this and are pushing for it because its needed, this whole thread is littered with people in the same boat or giving the same advice and you and coming back with, frankly, excuses.
Look at it as an on paper case
*Child is overweight
*Child may have sen issues
*Has been offered structured nursery place
*Mother is refusing said place on the grounds of homelife/education is appropriate at this juncture

• homelife and education is not adequate as child is still overweight still struggling with separation anxiety and sen issues which we as care providers cannot adequately assess in the same manner a nursery nurse who is qualified can.

*Mother will be viewed as being potentially obstructive to adequate intervention for child

I'm not saying that's a universal view but I'm saying written down void of emotion that's what the situation looks like. The NHS/government has woefully failed so so many children and allowed them to fall through the net, the hv/gp are literally doing their jobs, they've offered a nursery place not to remove your child to foster care etc, for 15 hours a week just try it and if it fails then she'll have every assessment and referral needed to get adequate support

If you've starved your kid or overfed your kid to the point where intervention is needed, then you need to accept that you do not know best and your child will benefit from a different environment for a few hours a week.

You might know her best but you might not know what is best for her. That's the important thing to acknowledge in parenting.

on the “I know them best” aspect of things I think it’s more complex. Ds has multiple complex disabilities I know him best in that I am the one who has dealt with things Day in day out for nearly 13 years, I know his full medical history what works for him etc etc. I am the expert in him.

but that doesn’t mean I am know more than the individual consultants who are experts in their fields.

together we make up team DS each with our own area of expertise