15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

Your child you choice, i think as her mother you will know what is best for her. Dont get this obsession with childcare even when not needed. Until 3 the most important thing is the relashionship with their families.
If OP doesnt feel like leaving her daughter no harm in waiting a bit longer till she matures a bit more.

What I get from this post is that you have separation anxiety and that you posted asking for advice but don't actually want any. 👍

This.

I quickly worked out when my DD was 1 that she was filling herself up with milk instead of eating a meal.

I asked the CM when she was giving her milk - which was in the morning. I then ensured I only gave her milk in the morning and told my DP, her father, to do the same.

Nursery was invaluable for my daughter's speech delay. She had private speech therapy for months with no real improvement, but when she started nursery her speech grew by leaps and bounds. She went from having fewer than 10 words at the age of 2 to being on par with her peers in just over a year.

Sorry OP but that's concerning that she's taking 'comfort' from milk. You need to reduce/ stop that straight away but I am sure the dietician is working on that with you. Overweight at 2 is not good.

Good luck - you've had a lot of great advice on here. To keep the HV / GP from not 'commenting' they will need to see improvement.

Of course it's not compulsory, but they're pushing you to send her for a reason.
She's one of the one's the scheme was designed to help.

Except the OP doesn’t want anything to change yet admits their are problems so unless something changes those problems are going to get bigger not better.

sometimes being a parent is about making tough decisions for the long term good

When they're refusing to access help offered; probably.

@strawberrycustard

how old is your daughter..?

because in your thread last year, you said you were pregnant and due in October 2021, which would make your daughter 9 months old?

and your son was 4 then, so is presumably in school now?

@Tdcp can i be nosy and ask what course you did? I also have an anxious DC (though a bit younger). You must be so delighted about your daughter’s progress.

You know what best for your child, follow your instinct. Just tell the HV of your decision and ask what services are available in supporting you in this decision. I was a sahm with three children, we made lots of sacrifices so we could do that, no car, no holidays abroad, no eating out or luxuries, but those years are filled with happy memories for all the family. My children are all well balanced happy adults in strong relationships with their partners, friends and the extended family It’s the best decision that I ever made.
What I don’t understand that there are funded places for two year olds yet stay at home mums have no funding. It’s a hidden discrimination that gives some mums no choice.

This thread has become almost bullying towards the OP & shows an astounding lack of knowledge and experience of alternatives to nursery. Ie I'm suggesting that many posters are simply indoctrinated. I would also suggest that there have been several reports in recent years about "professionals" not listening properly to parents and that parents are to be taken as the expert on their own children (negligent and abusive parents excepted - which the OP certainly doesn't come across as). The OP knows her child best. There is absolutely NO obligation for a child to go to nursery. The law states that a child must be caused to have a full time education, suitable to its age, aptitude and any SEN the term after they turn 5. The Ops child is 2!!! OP if you chose to try nursery do so - if you don't feel your child is ready then you ABSOLUTELY have the right to say "not now - maybe later"

Thankyou

OP, of course you can decide what you want to do for your own DD

I think the HV is 'pushing' this is because some separation would be beneficial for you both.

You are clearly a loving caring mum - but very gently, I think you may be making the situation with DD worse & heightening anxiety.

Why not at least visit & check out a nursery?

This thread has become almost bullying towards the OP

On it's own refusing the nursery place could be a case of "mother knows best", but I think posters are upset that the OP is overfeeding their child and refuses to do anything about it as it's their "child's comfort", that's not good and combined with ignoring GP advice is getting people's heckles up.

As a former Nursery Nurse ,I would say that your DD would certainly benefit from some Nursery time .However it is your choice at the end of the day.If you wait until shes 3 she may find it more difficult is all.Maybe you could start in a few months time for a couple of mornings? Just to help her to get used to it.She will know you are coming back then .Could you give her half milk half water? We did this when we felt DD was also using milk to fill up!

that must be another poster ?

I’ve just checked that is someone else with a similar username to mine

What I find odd is people thinking seperetion anxiety is bad in a small DC.

it’s because people are desperate for their children to grow up for some reason. Children naturally want to be near to their parents, especially their mother. It’s not w bad thing, yet society says they have to sleep independently and go off with all sorts of people and deal with their feelings. We’ve lost perspective on how human children should be nurtured according to nature and evolution. Mothers are pressured the feel that being a SAHM isn’t okay and children should be in nursery. Separation anxiety is normal and pushing children away and telling them to grow up and being a big boy/girl etc, doesn’t work.

I clearly stated we are working with the dietician to reduce milk intake

I actually agree with you. She's 2 how much of a speech delay can she really have? My little one is 3 next week and has been home with me the whole time doing different toddler groups every day. He didn't start speaking at all until he turned 2 and was quite behind his peers. He now speaks perfectly and is definitely equal with his peers and I can't see any difference between him and his friends that go to nursery.

I would say thank you but no and continue bringing him to groups yourself. They have plenty of time to get past the separation anxiety I don't know why people are so quick to get toddlers into nursery. My eldest started nursery at 11 months as I went back to work and I can't see any difference between her and my son now at the same age.

You do know that the HV isn't compulsory? You can choose to not use her services. Ds has SEN & I chose to not send him to preschool until a month before he was 3, his SEN was undiagnosed & they never picked up that there was anything wrong even though looking back it was blindingly obvious.

My son had severe language and communication delays and started nursery when he was 3. He did two days in a specialist setting and two mornings in a mainstream nursery and I can without a doubt say sending him to a mainstream nursery was a complete waste of time/money. He needed professional support which most mainstream nurseries don't have, his key worker had 7 other children to take care of and could not give my son the attention he needed.
Portage was far more useful for us as it taught me how to interact with him.

Depending on child's needs, a mainstream setting might not always be the best choice. But we don't know your daughter so can't make that decision.

Re the milk bottle, my son was the biggest fan too. We started diluting the milk and slowly reducing amount and at one point just dropped whole feeds. He did not like it but it was temporary and it really needed to be done. It actually went better than we thought it would.

Good luck! x

I do actually agree that dd needs more help but I want to approach this from the home setting . I’ve been looking into what else the childrens centre offers today and they have sensory sessions plus they do the development checks for children not in nursery settings. I’m not obviously going to just carry on exactly as we are now there’s obviously a greater need for dd to have input but I want to stick to the plan of sending her to nursery at 3 and to try to make improvements from now onwards at home

Some health visitors are excellent. Some are not. I experienced both. The negative experience was really stressful and upsetting, and I had to steel myself to resist the (wrong) advice and information she was giving. I was proved right but felt she had been demeaning, and dismissive of anything I brought to the discussion. I got an admission that she wasn't up to date but it was grudging and in no way apologetic, so I don't feel confident she now behaves any differently.

You don't have to take your child to nursery. You should always listen to the advice of professionals but the days where we trusted things unquestioningly are long gone.

Likewise, some nurseries are excellent, but there is no guarantee that going to nursery will provide you with expert help, diagnosis or support. That depends on the individual workers you encounter because "the system", especially for SEND, is strained and breaking and inconsistent.