I've just been a monumental b**lend. Please hold my hand.

[Melsuleenia]

Need kind words. I'm such a wanker at times.

Moved into new flat in March. Just got broadband. All good. It goes offline.

Spend 30 mins on the phone to the provider. Hilarity endues as he goes through the diagnostics.

Very kind man gets me to check the socket. I'd had an EPIC row with my parents the night before. I thought I had unplugged the phone. Oh no, I'd unplugged the router and forgotten.

I'm a post grad physicist. And I can't even work out how to remove the landlines and keep the router plugged in.

I'm actually cringing writing this.

Can you share your epic fail moments so I don't feel quite as much of a tosser?

Thank you and please.

Oh don’t be daft! Easily done and especially if you’re still affected by an awful row.

Did similar at work yesterday. Posted on a group thread that x was borked and not working. To the whole team. But I simply had to change one setting and hadn’t. And I should have known that - and would have, if I’d given myself a minute! Immediate whoops…sorry!

Don’t stress it

Thank you. Very much indeed.

Actually the row was about how my mum had failed to support me over another matter and my father had a homosexual relationship with a guy in the States. He's pretending it was with a woman. Had a threesome so cheated on mum. Its the not just the infidelity but he cannot come clean properly. Like I give a rats arse if he's gay. I care more that he isn't honest.

That won't be the only one either. His job gave him ample opportunities to cheat.

I've gone, again, into complete NC. My mum does like the residual benefits that being with my dad can bring.

Phew. Needed to get off my tits.

Two days of complaint calls and a personal visit from the technician "Ma'am there is nothing wrong with your computer. It is working fine. You just have to push the ON button for the screen so you can see it."😳

So your father cheats on his wife in a way that must make her question her entire marriage, and you’re not speaking to her because she’s not prioritising you in all of this?

@GeorgiaGirl52 Priceless!

Shit happens my graduate daughter turned her screen down instead of her volume and sobbed her laptop wasn't working

Your parents are a whole other thread

BTW I accidentally cut my broadband cable on one occasion literally snipped it explaining thst to virgin media was fun I told them what I did there was dead silence and I said its OK to laugh at me honestly 😅

Blame the dog/toddler or something next time.

@MerryLeg

Yup. You have it. In spades.

I'm quite surprised I've not hexxed the arses off the pair of these tools.

I even drove my mum to the solicitors to start the divorce proceedings. Of course, she backed down.

Mind you, Dad runs red lights, crashes into a car at a walking pace, gets a hire car and crashes that one! Treats mum as a slave.

Treats my brother like a dog.

My friend is tech support and uses PICNIC to close these cases on his reports: Problem In Chair Not In Computer

@Hallyup89 Duly noted. Thank you.

@wheresmyshoe

I'm remberimg that fucker! PICNIC. Brilliant.

We once had a blender that I insisted was broken, even taking videos to show the manufacturer I went through all the troubleshooting steps. They sent a new one (it was only about a month since we'd bought it) and when I was putting away the 'broken' one I noticed that the switch at the back had been turned off. So it wasn't actually broken... And at no point had the manufacturer said to check it was actually on (probably because they didn't think anyone would be so stupid as to not check!)

Gawd, I read the title and thought you had lost all your money to a Nigerian prince email scam or accidentally dropped your passport down a drain outside departures.

This is such a minor error - don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes silly mistakes like that every single day. No harm, no foul.

Gosh don't give it a second thought. I thought you were going to say you'd been yelling at the bloke on the phone.

Last night I tried to pull my duvet up over myself and it was stuck under my 4 year old so I pulled, the duvet resisted, my fist slipped and I ended up punching myself in the face 😐Such a fucking idiot.

I bet at least 50% of calls to providers/IT departments/electricians are because the appliance isn't plugged in/turned on.
I once couldn't figure out how to work the kitchen tap - pulled it up down etc - no water. Got a plumber in and he turns it to the side first then pulls it up - voila, water. Sooooo embarrassing.

I once had a shiny new printer delivered to my office, crawled under my desk and unplugged everything to link it up, plugged everything back in again and nothing worked. All completely dead. Wouldn't even switch on. Rang the tech support guy, who fortunately came straight down - he took one look under my desk and pointed out, between gales of laughter, that I had plugged the extension lead into itself rather than into the wall. I have a PhD, ffs! So embarrassed, and he never let me live it down.

Our kitchen tap was running very slow, seemed blocked, called plumber, he spent ages faffing and was about to take the whole thing off when he realised that the end unscrewed so the little filter bit collecting bits of rust from the old pipes could be emptied, two idiots that day!

Ha ha. I once joined the AAA (Australian Auto Assoc) because my brand new car wouldn’t start. Car mechanic turned up and asked if I was trying to start it in drive. Honestly I never lived that one down.

I've committed two - TWO - far more embarrassing fuck-ups which made me weep with the amount of cash wasted by my own hand.

At least you only look like a bellend rather than losing a few grand as well. I can't relay them because my DH has told so many people what a numbnut I am - considering my professional qualifications and what I do for a living - that it would be outing. But the Idiot Tax is real. 🤦‍♀️

I work in IT and the 'sneaky secret' is that it's really nice to get a simple call that is easily fixed and turns out to be the 'fault' of anything but the bit you're responsible for.

So never feel bad for those.

First week of new job and my video wasn’t working for Teams. Sound was fine but no image. Asked a few people (working remotely) and no one could figure it out. Took tech support five minutes burrowing around in my system before they said - ‘is the camera cover on’? Yes, yes it was. 😳

I complained to the council about an endless beeping that was coming from one of their properties that I could hear in my kitchen. They sent someone out and said the problem had been fixed. But still the beeping continued so I complained again, and again they sent somebody out and said it had been fixed. But still the beeping so I complained again. This time a council employee came and stood in my kitchen, heard the beep, agreed that it was a problem and arranged another electrician to come round. Five minutes after he left, I realised that the beeping was actually coming from my own wine fridge, which had been trying to tell me for weeks that the door couldn't close properly because I'd put too much wine in it.

Not me, but my mum rang me up as she had a problem with her computer: the cursor wouldn't go where she wanted. I had absolutely no clue what was wrong and she got so irked that I couldn't solve her problem over the phone whilst being 600 miles away that she slammed the phone down on me!

She rang the next day. No apology for her behaviour, but she'd solved the problem herself. She'd been holding the mouse the wrong way round, with the buttons under her palm! Stupid me for not thinking of that, eh?

I was once in the particularly swanky conference room at my high-tech IT firm. Think best brains in the business and sweeping views across the city through 360 degree windows.

nobody could get the overhead projector to work. After 10 minutes the maintenance engineer was called… he strolled in and turned it on at the plug. 😳