I've just been a monumental b**lend. Please hold my hand.

[Melsuleenia]

Need kind words. I'm such a wanker at times.

Moved into new flat in March. Just got broadband. All good. It goes offline.

Spend 30 mins on the phone to the provider. Hilarity endues as he goes through the diagnostics.

Very kind man gets me to check the socket. I'd had an EPIC row with my parents the night before. I thought I had unplugged the phone. Oh no, I'd unplugged the router and forgotten.

I'm a post grad physicist. And I can't even work out how to remove the landlines and keep the router plugged in.

I'm actually cringing writing this.

Can you share your epic fail moments so I don't feel quite as much of a tosser?

Thank you and please.

Just because you're academically clever doesn't mean you have common sense too!
We've all done it. Thought our cooker wasn't working, turns out it had tripped because the element had burnt out. Electrician came out and turned on the trip switch. Apparently it has its own trip switch! He was lovely enough to not charge us. We have used him before and will definitely do so in the future.

We bought a fancy new induction hob when we had the kitchen done. Three weeks in I dropped something out of the cupboard next to it and it shattered. Managed for a few weeks on it. The day after we replaced it I did the exact same thing again! We moved cereal into that cupboard after that

My hoover wasn't working. I'd been hoovering and it had just turned off in the middle. Called the helpline and I don't remember the ins and outs as it must have been a good 12ish years ago but essentially we went through a long checklist and then he suddenly said, "I know this sounds stupid but can you just check it's plugged in?" I sighed a bit and said "I will but it's definitely plugged in, I was using it when it stopped!" Of course I'd pulled it a bit too far and the plug had slightly come out. The embarrassment was real.

I once dated a guy briefly who had the same name as my therapist. He sent me quite a steamy text and I was busy so used Alexa to reply. Yes you can imagine where this is going...

In her defence, she did as I asked. She texted Ben. Unfortunately I did not specify which Ben.

I didn't even realise until hours later. I did the walk of shame into my next session and we literally sat there in silence for about a minute with me cringing until he asked me with an enormous shit eating grin 'so...good evening?'

I wanted the ground to open up.

🤣

I love this thread. As someone who joined the workforce way before personal computers were a thing, I feel as though my entire work life has been PICNIC.

I've thought of one stooopid x2 thing my parents did when I was a child.

We got to the ferry station in Holyhead and queued up for the ferry and when we got to the top of the queue a sealink employee looked at the tickets and said, em, it's the 30th, not the 31st, so groaning we had to drive away and find a cheap b&b near enough by to get back to the ferry station the next morning.

The next morning, we got there so ready to go home, dying to go home at this point, and the official says, em, the clocks went forward last night so it's you're too late, the shutter on the car port is down, all cars are loaded on now.

That must be a verb to describe that situation when you’ve been trying to get something to work for ages , you eventually ask someone, the someone tries and it works straightaway.
happened to me loads- apple help desk earlier this year. I’d been trying something different ver 2 days. I shared my screen, showed her the issue and ….no issue, it worked 🤦‍♀️😵‍💫🤯

my builder knocked on my door the other day. Had remote for the garage door in his hand. Says he thinks he’s bust the door as the door starts closing then stops . He’s spent 15 minutes searching for something the door might be sensing that’s stopping it closing. I’m worried thinking that’s going to be costly. Take rent from him and..dooor descends gracefully to shut position. 🤦‍♀️😵‍💫🤯

we need a word for it.

Ooo, there’s a quick key selection for this…you have to do a simultaneous multi key press. Someone did it to mine at work as a jape years ago. Wot a clever cat!

The one about the guinea if reminds me of the time the burglar alarm at my mum's house stopped working. It worked intermittently for a bit before failing altogether. Mum called the engineer round.

He spent 2 hours thoroughly checking each part of the system. Finally, he looked in the garage. There was a small sire running from the cellar, through a grate and up the wall. My rabbit, who had free-range in there, had chewed right through it. Considering she'd already gone through two phone wires at this point we should have checked there first.

An old manager of mine couldn't find her car where she'd parked it in the multistory. She phoned the police who came out, took her report (it was 30yrs ago when there were enough staff to do that) and gave her a lift back to the office.
Pulling in to the office car park she spotted her car parked up and instantly remembered she'd used her husband's car to go shopping and it was still parked where she'd left it in the multistory 🙈

That's the winner! Omg. I'd be on the floor with laughter. I'd have to go home. 😂

Had to make a lift the flap book at work a few years ago, could I get the hang of it??? Nope.
Could have built a rocket and flown to the moon and it would have easier. I just couldn’t understand how I could do it. Then covid struck and it went by the wayside thank fuck for that

That made me laugh out loud
Pretty sure I’ve punched myself in the face,more than once

There was a TV programme about a hospital ward where the patient who occupied a certain bed almost always died suddenly, to cut a long stor short it transpired that the cleaner would unplug 'something' to plug in the hoover and as this was a life support machine the patient tended to die!

?

Still reading through all the stories, but your son reminds me of the time DH and I went away for a couple of days and stayed in a Premier Inn. I got reception to change our room as the plug was stuck in the plug hole so the sink wouldn't drain.
Turns out the plug is one that is attached to the hole, you push 1 side and it turns from horizontal to vertical. 🤦🏻‍♀️ still got a room change though.

Some classics here....reminds me of when I walked into my local shop (where I normally collect parcels from might I add...) and gave my name to collect my parcel....The shop assistant spent a few moments looking for it before I realised I was actually in the wrong shop.....I had actually selected a completely different shop as that one wasn't an option for whichever shop I was buying from ! I made my excuses and left !

@ChitChatChatter

I've just seen that too.

I'd really appreciate a response from @Yohugsy as it's downright freaky. This is meant to be a light-hearted thread.

Im glad everyone is enjoying the thread though :-)

I forgot DD's DOB and enrolled her in school a year early. There are too many other instances of sheer and brutal mortification to share here.

The iron I swore was broken because a button wouldn’t push down. John Lewis we’re fab, sent a new one and I sent the ‘broken one’. Turned out the button wasn’t meant to push down it was meant to slide🤦🏼‍♀️

A friend of mine quickly jumped into the supermarket for a few things. Was coming out of the supermarket and saw that his bus was just pulling into the bus stop. How lucky! Jumped on. Got home. Wife asks: 'And where are the kids??'

Yes they were indeed sitting in the car at the supermarket parking lot.

I once forgot my own surname. I don't quite know what happened really, can only describe it as a monumental brain fart. Its not really that I forgot my surname, more that for a brief moment my brain couldn't compute the word 'surname' and I had no idea what she wanted from me.

It was years ago, I was 16 and I was buying a rucksack from index (yes - quite a while ago). Paid at the counter and she asked my surname as reference for when I go to the collection point. I just went blank! My mum was with me at the time and I said "Mum! She wants my surname." My mother, who was quite baffled just said: "So....give it to her then." And then I kind of snapped back into being a functional human who remembers words. My mother still brings it up and laughs about it. I still cringe horribly about it.

@EmilyBolton try control, alt and up at the same time. You might have to change in in the display settings though.

I sat for 40 minutes in opticians waiting for my appt, and finally asked receptionist. She got someone to see me 5 minutes later THEN he couldn't find my records ! After a few tuts, I thankfully realised my mistake before I completely went off on one at this hapless guy... and slunk off to the CORRECT opticians 2 doors down