I've just been a monumental b**lend. Please hold my hand.

[Melsuleenia]

Need kind words. I'm such a wanker at times.

Moved into new flat in March. Just got broadband. All good. It goes offline.

Spend 30 mins on the phone to the provider. Hilarity endues as he goes through the diagnostics.

Very kind man gets me to check the socket. I'd had an EPIC row with my parents the night before. I thought I had unplugged the phone. Oh no, I'd unplugged the router and forgotten.

I'm a post grad physicist. And I can't even work out how to remove the landlines and keep the router plugged in.

I'm actually cringing writing this.

Can you share your epic fail moments so I don't feel quite as much of a tosser?

Thank you and please.

Not technology related, but will hopefully make you feel better. I ordered a sack of dog food. It was good quality stuff so I was surprised to find lots of broken custard creams part way down the sack. I contacted the manufacturer, they were absolutely mortified, launched an immediate investigation and sent me a free sack.

I was recounting this tale to DH some days later. To my horror, he said 'I put them in there. I'd fancied a packet of custard creams, eaten most of them, then chucked the stale bits in the sack for the dog'.

In 20 years I'd never seen him eat a custard cream, it never occurred to me it was him! Rang the company to offer to pay for the free sack and they wouldn't let me as they said the story would make them laugh for days.

Took my car to the garage as it was overheating. I had owned it for 6 years at this point. Turns out I had never noticed the temperature gauge before and that it is usual for it to sit vertical once the car has warmed up.

They were very kind to me

Whoops! Bloody phone. Need to send it to silicon heaven

Anyway, I was teaching radioactivity to Yr 10s. All boys grammar school.

You are essentially hamstrung with teaching that because they are too young to handle the sources. Hence the video.

I search for the vid but I notice that a new server had come up on the schools' systems. Intrigued I type in, 'Phys'. Up pops a vid. I start watching it

It was only a man simulating sex with a blow-up doll.

I get complete class silence. Incredibly rare. That's what drew my attention. I'd forgotten that I'd shoved the link to the projector. 15 year old were watching porn and I was responsible.

Talk about wanting the ground to open up. I had so many things racing through my mind. I'm sure you can imagine. I grabbed the remot. Turned it off then did the only thing I could. 'Lads, I am very, VERY sorry you saw that' .

I'd just broken safeguarding.

Beautiful S piped up, 'No worries Miss! We saw that last week in Drama!'

Flippin' Drama! I almost pmp that day! Talk about your entire career flashing before your eyes!

I did have it on good authority that the French department would show the boys soft porn.

😂😂😂😂😂 love it!

A few years ago our heating wasn’t working. Paid the £90 emergency call out fee. The thermostat had been turned down to 15c.

Women's shoes in Australia for the same size as men's are labelled 2 sizes larger. So Australian mens and UK mens are the same. But a UK women's 7 is an Australian women's 9.

After a decade of living in the UK (and buying plenty of shoes) I had a compete brain fart. Went into a shop and asked for a size 9 instead of a 7. Met with very apologetic responses, "Sorry we don't stock size 9s as a standard, they need to be ordered in specially." I go off in a rant "how can you not stock 9s? I've bought plenty of them before?!" And went off in a huff.

Got about 50 metres away from the store and realised what I had done. Returned sheepishly and apologised, explained (they were very nice about it!), and bought my size 7 shoes....

My dear old Mum rang me one evening years ago, she'd bought a little spin dryer and was annoyed that she could only get one pair if knickers in the drum at a time.
I asked her if there was a lot of plastic in the drum - Yes she said, amazed how did I know?

It was the packaging 😆

We did something similar at the Venetian in Las Vegas, we parked the car very close to the lifts on the top level and felt very smug. When we returned it wasn't there, we wandered round the level in case there were other lifts but no. Went back down, wondered how much the hire company would charge us for losing it, had a coffee and went back up in the lift. To our shock there it was, just as we'd left it, when we investigated further we realised that not all lifts go to every level, our 'top' level wasn't the same in other lifts!

That is not entirely uncommon. See also stuck zips....

You have spectacularly missed the point.

I will point it out to you but, I am sure, you will miss it again.

Very intelligent people can make monumental tits of themselves. That is funny.

Do highly qualified people make you nervous? Why not just enjoy the thread?

Thank you for all your comments. Let's pray it makes Munsnet Classics.

I've lost count of the number of times I have one pair on the top of my head and the others on my face, I don't need them for close work so rarely wear them in the house.

I have a Vw up. The first time I needed to put petrol in it I couldn’t get the filler cap off so asked a Vw driver at the next pump to show me, which they did. The next time it was the same story but I was too ashamed to ask so snuck back into my car and drove away from the forecourt on fumes. I went online and to my total joy found there is a whole community of people who have exactly the same issue and have put up how to instructions and videos to explain the knack.

It wasn’t me, I am not stupid , it was a design issue by a company that was being too clever by half.

(I now have instructions written in my phone and a back up post it note in the glove compartment.)

It is good to remember, sometimes it is us being dim, but sometimes it is bad design and poor instructions.

Once lost a car in a Leicester circular multistorey car park. One level seemed too high, the next level seemed too low in relation to the building opposite. We'd walked up the ramp to get back to the car. The wrong ramp. Turns out the carpark was a double helix and we were on the wrong one.

I went with ‘there is a problem with the user interface’.

ANother hire car saga, I went into a panic when I realised that our hire car in the US wasn't locked overnight or whenever we left it, despite our locking it. Spent time looking for a main dealer, before we went there I walked over to the car to show OH it was open and it was locked! Having a 12 year old car we were not up to date on locking systems that are activated by the key simply being on your person.
Another travel one, we were at Stansted, been a bit delayed by traffic, went to the wrong car park so we were a bit stressed going through Security but all was fine and we dashed through, stopping at WH Smith to buy water and a paper. As I was in the shop I heard an announcement for Mr JudgeJ to return to security, went over to him, he was puzzled until I looked at his black carry-on, That's not your bag!!!! Last on the flight, breathless and embarrassed.

I just had a senior person call me to tell me something wasn't covered in a policy. I said no, it's in the procedure. He says well, where's the procedure? I said, if you just scroll a bit.....it's the next page!

And my boss emailed to tell me I had not responded to two comments on a document. True, I hadn't, but the comments were "please amend in text", which I did. But I didn't respond to the comment, no.

Chair to keyboard interface!

Got an iPhone. Loved it. Felt so modern! Until it came to the time I had to make a call and I had to Google how you use your phone to phone someone. Education was wasted on me.

Met with my boss, both looking at an app on her laptop screen.
I leaned over a bit to point out which option she needed to click, my arm brushed the mouse pad and her computer display inverted itself.
Had to google how to make it the right way up again.

My son, who ironically works in IT support, called out a plumber to his new house as the bathroom handbasin wouldn't drain.
The plumber reached in, pressed the pop-up waste cover, water drained.

In twenty years I've never eaten a custard cream.

No one can really top this comment. It makes my showing porn to 15 year old boys pale onto insignificance.

I can't stop laughing!

I went to softplay last week and lost my car keys and my phone in the HUGE 1m deep ballpit. Cue parents, grandparents and small children all belong to look. Whoops 😬

It’s been absolutely ages since I’ve genuinely used the abbreviation “lol” but this seriously cracked me up and I whole heartedly laughed out loud. Hope you’re ok though.

A bit hazy about the details but came out of a supermarket in the US years ago and the hired car wouldn't start. Found a phone and a list, out came a mechanic in his truck and just moved a lever which was stopping the engine from starting. Wasn't really used to automatics then....easy few bucks for him.

Go easy on yourself, OP - we've all done it, though my favourite was DH ranting because the volume on his fancy new iphone wasn't good enough even turned up

He ranted at the tech support people too, who were able to tell him the fact he hadn't taken off the plastic screen protector might just have something to do with it

I once called a washing machine repair man out because it stopped mid cycle, he walked in, asked where the socket was, I opened my kitchen cupboard and showed him said socket, he sighed, switched it on at the wall and looked at me a bit baffled!!! Turned out that when I'd put the cat food box away it had pushed into the switch knocking it off!