Page 6 | I've just been a monumental b**lend. Please hold my hand.

Original poster

Melsuleenia · 22/06/2022 15:36

Fellow MN'ers

I raise a toast to your tales of the wiring being nibbled, taking the wrong blood, shenanigans with dog biscuits, showing porn to 15 year olds (mine).

I'm a tad disappointed we haven't had a female sex toy up yet. Or strange sex-related injuries. There is still time.

To all you Glorious Merry Fuckers who have taken the time to comment: A Hearty 'Thank You.'

Raise your 🍵 🎂 🍷.

Plus Un- Musnetty

TY for making me feel that all isn't lost.

OP posts:

TrikeWife · 22/06/2022 15:46

And yet another…

busy on the laptop one evening when suddenly it went dead. Tried everything, had the tech people trying to fix it over the phone, called out BT (moaned that it would take days etc)
The next evening, Dh is playing with our old German Shepherd girl and the new puppy Shepherd… who showed him how she could jump up high and bite through the phone lines…
cost us £120 as deemed ‘our’ fault 😕 That pup is nearly 7 and still owes me £120!!

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 22/06/2022 15:47

I used to do IT support work. The thing is these easy jobs with nice people who aren't angry were the best part of the job. Much more preferable than a difficult job you don't know how to solve with someone screaming at you. Don't worry, it wouldn't have even registered as a thing to them

SuperIris · 22/06/2022 15:48

Last night I tried to pull my duvet up over myself and it was stuck under my 4 year old so I pulled, the duvet resisted, my fist slipped and I ended up punching myself in the face 😐Such a fucking idiot.
I did similar but instead of punching myself I grabbed a handful of nipple instead. That was fucking painful 😂

Sirrah · 22/06/2022 15:52

Not long after the first IKEA opened I went with my dad. We wandered around, trying all the chairs on the way. When we were done, headed back to the car.... no keys! We had to retrace our steps, looking down the side of all the chairs and sofas.

HippyChickMama · 22/06/2022 15:54

We bought two sofas from IKEA which required some self assembly. We put the first sofa together only to find that sitting on it caused the seat part to swivel backwards and tip the sitter into an abyss under the back of the sofa. Cue much annoyance on my part, I phoned IKEA to complain and arranged for them to collect the faulty sofa and deliver a replacement. Having assembled the second sofa later that day dh noticed that it fitted together differently than the first sofa. There was nothing wrong with the first sofa, we'd assembled it incorrectly and I had to phone IKEA back and explain that we were just incapable of following instructions and that we did not need a replacement sofa. In our defence, we had put the first sofa together at 1am having spent all night finishing the decorating but it was very embarrassing

AnnaKar · 22/06/2022 15:55

Back in the days of video machines, I couldn’t get mine to accept the video. Under the ‘extended warranty’ the engineer eventually called only to press the button and have the machine eject a full slice of buttered toast.😂

My toddler playing house!

Original poster

Melsuleenia · 22/06/2022 15:57

Thinkingblonde · 22/06/2022 14:42

My PILs had died within months of each other, the house was up for sale and DH and his sister held an open two day sale of the contents, One of the items for sale was a sewing machine for a fiver. A woman bought it along with a few other items. The following day she came back with the sewing machine demanding her money back plus petrol money. She plonked it down plugged it it and said “look even the lights not working”
Now I’m a seamstress and know a bit about machines and I spotted the problem straight away and, without saying a word reached over and turned it on at the machine. , it lit up like Blackpool. I tested it and it purred like a kitten.
“ There you go, I’ve fixed that for you”

Hurrah! Good for you! What a mean cow.

OP posts:

shinynewapple22 · 22/06/2022 16:02

courgettigreensadwater · 22/06/2022 11:49

Not sure why everyone is quoting all their qualifications and things. Most is the most intelligent people I ever meet have the least commons sense of anyone

My thoughts exactly!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/06/2022 16:06

HippyChickMama · 22/06/2022 15:54

We bought two sofas from IKEA which required some self assembly. We put the first sofa together only to find that sitting on it caused the seat part to swivel backwards and tip the sitter into an abyss under the back of the sofa. Cue much annoyance on my part, I phoned IKEA to complain and arranged for them to collect the faulty sofa and deliver a replacement. Having assembled the second sofa later that day dh noticed that it fitted together differently than the first sofa. There was nothing wrong with the first sofa, we'd assembled it incorrectly and I had to phone IKEA back and explain that we were just incapable of following instructions and that we did not need a replacement sofa. In our defence, we had put the first sofa together at 1am having spent all night finishing the decorating but it was very embarrassing

A friend had the opposite problem with some IKEA dining chairs - they came part assembled, and try as he might, he couldn't get them to fit together. It turned out that the part-assembly had been done wrong, and he was never going to be able to make functional chairs, starting from what they'd given him!

JudgeJ · 22/06/2022 16:08

Sirrah · 22/06/2022 15:52

Not long after the first IKEA opened I went with my dad. We wandered around, trying all the chairs on the way. When we were done, headed back to the car.... no keys! We had to retrace our steps, looking down the side of all the chairs and sofas.

Memories of almost 50 years ago when we went to the Southport Flower Show only to find OH had no car keys when it was time to go home, my fault obviously as he hadn't wanted to go! After a blind panic on his part I suggested we went to the Lost Property marquee, a stupid idea, of mine. Luckily they had been found and handed in, funny how quickly he cheered up.

toooldtocarewhoknows · 22/06/2022 16:09

Melsuleenia · 22/06/2022 10:00

Need kind words. I'm such a wanker at times.

Moved into new flat in March. Just got broadband. All good. It goes offline.

Spend 30 mins on the phone to the provider. Hilarity endues as he goes through the diagnostics.

Very kind man gets me to check the socket. I'd had an EPIC row with my parents the night before. I thought I had unplugged the phone. Oh no, I'd unplugged the router and forgotten.

I'm a post grad physicist. And I can't even work out how to remove the landlines and keep the router plugged in.

I'm actually cringing writing this.

Can you share your epic fail moments so I don't feel quite as much of a tosser?

Thank you and please.

It's called an 'air gap' in the trades.

The bill is sent out with 'engineer repaired air gap'

No bill in your case but it's really really common. Don't worry about it.

JudgeJ · 22/06/2022 16:15

We decided to redecorate the chimney breast in the dining room the day before the children were to be christened and everyone was coming back for a party. OH stripped the very expensive flock wallpaper leaving pristine lining paper and he decided to let our two and their cousin draw with felt pens on the lining paper while he got the new wallpaper ready. Next morning I went down to make an early cup of coffee and was horrified that the new paper looked like a coat of many colours, the pen had leeched through. We managed to strip it all off and repaper it before the christening, luckily we'd bought too many rolls.

Cyclebabble · 22/06/2022 16:15

Back in the days when mouses were plugged into PCs. I was working on a project with a tight deadline. I came in one morning and the mouse was not working. I could see in my head the deadline drifting away and I started to panic. I pleaded with the helpdesk to send someone out to help and eventually persuaded them to do do so. Turns out I was trying to move the wrong mouse... simply following the cords back to the computer would have demonstrated this... the IT chap was very nice, but I nearly died with embarrassment. It was an open plan office. I did get the deadline met and got really good feedback on the work

IncompleteSenten · 22/06/2022 16:15

When I was a teenager (remember that for the end of this story. A teenager. ) I sat in some gum and it stuck to my skirt.
Someone, can't remember who - my mum maybe, or my sister - told me to get gum off clothes, you put them in the freezer. That hardens the gum and you can get it off.

So that's what I did.

And later they found me, perched on the chest freezer, gummy bit of the skirt inside.

It hadn't occured to me to take the skirt off. 🤦

Notsure94 · 22/06/2022 16:16

I happily got a washing machine mechanic out at extortionate emergency weekend rates because we were going on holiday and I had a bunch of sopping wet clothes trapped in the machine...

He pointed out that it was switched off at the wall, which it was. Must have taken a knock or something but oh no I hadn't thought to even look. He was extremely lovely and did not charge me for the call out.

JudgeRindersMinder · 22/06/2022 16:18

At least you didn’t have the repair man out to your 6 months old fridge freezer….to switch it on…

JudgeJ · 22/06/2022 16:23

parkrunner1977 · 22/06/2022 15:09

My husband returned a faulty Ring security light that had stopped working. He installed the new one & that didn't work either. He came in the house after about 2 hours of faffing trying to get it to turn on really stressed and annoyed that he would have to return that one as well. I said did you check that the power switch was on, what switch he said?!! Yep he'd managed to never take any notice of the switch installed inside the garage door which had override for outside light written over it in big letters, and which he'd knocked to off with the lawnmower handle when putting that away one day🙄

My electrician brother fitted a new kitchen in their house complete with a big American fridge freezer, back when they were pretty new. Their grandson wanted to be the first to get a glass of iced water but it didn't seem to be working, it was only then that brother realised that it actually needed to be plumbed in!

Mossstitch · 22/06/2022 16:30

@AnnaKar exact same scenario except it was like one of those magician tricks where things keep coming from their top hat or sleeve.......... Part of a honey buttie, collar off toy dog, lego, playmobile person...... And on and on😩 in toddler's defence they did look like a letterbox😂

JudgeJ · 22/06/2022 16:34

Beachbabe1 · 22/06/2022 13:06

Took some faulty work boots back to Screwfix for my husband in our town centre. Assistant couldnt find my name, address or reference number on the system. Stood for about 10 mins searching for any info. I scrolled up on my confirmation email and the assistant said 'this is Toolstation, not screwfix!'
Screwfix was in the next town!
Cringe!

Dereham?

SuperIris · 22/06/2022 16:39

Nobheadex · 22/06/2022 11:34

Yes I reported my car as stolen from Marks and Spencer’s in Gemini Warrington. Security guard gently suggested it might be in the other carpark, maybe I’d come in via a different door. No, I insisted I wasn’t a fool, it’s been STOLEN don’t you know? Why can’t you help me? Crying, the full hissy fit.

I went through the other door to get some air and call the police, and there it was. Got in, drove off, never been back since.

To be fair it's easy to get turned around in that store!

VaginaRegina · 22/06/2022 17:13

Turned up for a choir rehearsal but was baffled to find the church full of violinists instead. Mentally shrugged (getting the date wrong could happen to anyone, right?) and got back in the car. Which then wouldn't start. Don't panic, I told myself. Waited a minute, pressed the clutch and the start button again. Nothing. Not a single light on the dashboard. Tried again. Same result.

So I called the AA, and after 20 minutes on hold, my call had just been answered and I was describing the problem, when I glanced at my handbag on the passenger seat and saw my car keys sitting in it.

TigerRag · 22/06/2022 17:35

Asked mum to look at tumble drier because it didn't appear to be drying my clothes. I'd accidentally pushed a button that dries delicate stuff!

Fitterbyfifty · 22/06/2022 17:41

This thread is very timely. We are on holiday atm and yesterday we all had cold showers. About to call the landlord when I noticed a switch next to the boiler with a sign saying "do not switch off- hot water". It was switched off. 🙄

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/06/2022 18:04

Not me but back in the last century I worked as a claims assessor for a large insurance company.
Lady had put in a claim for a very expensive ring she had lost. She spent a full ten minutes telling me about how devastated she was, how it was her mother's, how irreplaceable it was. I asked her to talk me through exactly what she was doing last time she had seen it. At which point she fetched her leather gloves and found the ring in them