The worst thing about having no money

[letsallmeetupinthehyear2000]

is after a hard week at work you look at your bank balance and not only have you no money but you are overdrawn you can't go out and enjoy yourself or even buy yourself a tiny treat or buy any food without worrying about being in debt, you don't know how you're going to pay the electricity bill and any bit of joy or creativity has been sapped out of you you feel anxious and overwhelmed most of the time and you are so tired so tired you can't get dressed and you can't stop crying at everything

It is a shit situation for thousands if not millions of people. The amount is just going to increase sadly too. And you're right, there's many people who just don't get it and some don't even care.

Thanks. That was very useful.

I think people who have a safety net rarely appreciate that other people don't.

I know a few people who have pleaded poverty, and they honestly thought they were being truthful in that they personally didn't earn much.
However one had all their second hand cars bought for them by their parents, who also paid all maintenance costs, another had the option of using holiday accomodation for free so never had to pay to go away to a lovely popular seaside setting, other than half a tank of fuel and a few frugal spends when they arrived, others had substantial savings from an inheritance to dip into and another was bought a house outright. Even things like parents always paying for shoes/school uniform or activities can make a huge difference.

The biggest thing though is knowing at the back of your mind, that if the shit really hits the fan, you will have someone to help you out.

Not everybody has that.

Skip diving is potentially dangerous and is theft. Why should parents who don’t have spare cash eat unsafe, unwanted food? The food could have had rats on it or be full of bacteria if out of the fridge for too long. Why aren’t you outraged that families should have to even consider this???

She did say she knows it’s not for everyone. I thought it was an interesting read.

Teaandbiscuits that is a good summary.
Working tax credits is just a subsidy for companies underpaying their employees. Noone should need tax credits.

I have been on my arse broke and it is really scary and very stressful.
I will never forget it. I get it. I pay for friends when I can, no big fuss, just this one is on me, or 'my treat' this time. And it's always this time. And that's absolutely fine.

I'm showing my age here, but I remember writing cheques praying they wouldn't be presented until wages had gone in, and also having a "switch/solo" bank card (pre mobile banking apps) and having The Fear waiting in the queue that my card would be declined. I really worry we will see so many more transactions being declined at tills, or people having to put items back to bring the total down, it's just the worst feeling.

I know when/if people offered to pay for my groceries I would refuse as I was so ashamed, and sometimes it felt patronising (defensive much ). I certainly don't want this to turn into virtual signalling or a "No good deed goes unposted" (thanks for whichever MNer coined that) thread but I have a theory if you see someone in this position, instead of just offering to pay for them - as long as you are a good convincing liar, I would try and peek at what bank the card is for and say something like "oh I have a RBS card and I couldn't use it before I think their systems are down, they've been a nightmare all week. Can I get this for you? Someone did it for me the other day and it really helped so I'd like to pay it forward".

I KNOW that makes me sound like THE most patronising virtue signalling coy wanker, but it's genuinely from being in that position myself and knowing what would help and what wouldn't. I'm also a really really convincing liar, which helps.

This is so true for me. It shaped every decision, ever.
It shocks me how many times I have to explain to staff at work (in a school) things like we shouldn’t fine for lost library books because if we do, there are many children who will be too scared to read at all. People should be aware of these things, even if they haven’t had to live it.

I would try and peek at what bank the card is for and say something like "oh I have a RBS card and I couldn't use it before I think their systems are down, they've been a nightmare all week. Can I get this for you? Someone did it for me the other day and it really helped so I'd like to pay it forward".

This is such a good idea, thank you.

Hugs to all :) I work a 48hr week in a care home, don’t drive, am a single parent and council tenant - we have gone from relatively ok to scrimping on everything - the bloody menopause means I will soon lose 8 (front) teeth and I will obviously have to fork out for dentures - told dd15 no 3 days in Weymouth over summer because Mum needs dentures - fgs - I shop at Lidl and make sure every scrap of food is eaten - DD20 at Uni who is friends with a boy whose Dad wired him £45k spending money for the year (I kid you not) - half the kids on her Law course have never heard of ‘Student Finance’ and all their fees are paid upfront - craziness

@Zpoa me and a friend had the exact same ping pong fiver! The only saving grace for me then was having a pal in the same boat who I could moan about it all too. With no judgement or "helpful" advice just pure solidarity and understanding.

My mother said today ‘why don’t you spent the £650 government energy bill money on your dentures’

fucking clueless - I will need every penny for the bills

OP I see you are single. When I was young and got a mortgage to buy my flat, the interest rate leapt upwards and I simply couldn't afford it. It was only a one bedroom flat but out of desperation, I moved into the living room, sleeping on the sofa and found a lodger for my bedroom - we shared the kitchen and bathroom. I hated it but it saved me financially until the rate reduced to a more reasonable level. I also got a weekend job. If your side job isn't making money would you consider that maybe?

Those two things enabled me to cover my living expenses and I was able to put a very small amount away each month which made a massive difference to my life.

Just to mention about the secondary uniform costs- some schools have a find to help pay half the costs if you are on a low income. Combined with uniform sales this can really help. Ask the school

*fund

Oh OP.
I could easily recite my poverty story but it's not going to help you now.

You are at the arse end and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hell... you probably can't even see the tunnel even.

It's always food that's the easiest to cut back on. Trouble is , how much can you cut back on food?

I know that you've said that you're reluctant to use food banks but using them for a few weeks might help you to create a small financial buffer to be able to pay a few pounds towards your bills.

I am genuinely so sorry that you are in this position.

My eldest sons bed is currently held up by a plastic toy box under it as he's broken the slats too. Waiting on a relative to redo their sons room so we can have their old bed. It's crap

Skipping is theft by finding - speaking from experience there. I'm not taking my kids out bin diving and risking arrest to boot, Plus this is usually only possible in areas that aren't deprived, those stores will lock their bins and destroy waste food (that isn't already going to food banks and olio) to discourage addicts/homeless from doing it.
Freecycle usually requires you to collect furniture at further cost to yourself and most of us do not have a car let alone a car full of petrol.
If I can't afford food I'm not wasting money on fucking seeds, plant food, compost and pots so I can watch growing veg get eaten by slugs, birds and shat on by cats.

Sounds like your having a lot of fun though.

@letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 OP, I know you’ve said that you don’t want to use a food bank, and that’s absolutely your choice. I don’t know if you have anything similar in your area, but where I live we have what’s called a Trash Cafe, which is NOT a food bank, but they do rescue food from local supermarkets and pass on to the local community for a donation (if you can afford it). Their aim is to reduce food waste and the shop/cafe is open to all. They literally just want the (perfectly fine) food that the supermarket would throw away to be used instead of binned. I am single, live alone and work to support myself and pay my bills etc so sometimes money is a bit tight, but I’m very lucky to be OK. I use the trash cafe on occasion to do my bit to reduce food waste, but am also grateful to have somewhere to get a weeks groceries for a lot less than it would cost at the shops. Again, absolutely your choice if it’s not something you’d like to do, just a thought. 🙂

DibbyDoo you paid off £65k in 18 months AND kept your family afloat?

hollow laugh

yeh, sounds like you really know what poverty is!

put your hand up ladies if your gross income over 18 months is £65k!

Also do a google to see if there is a community shop in your area. Theres one by me that charges £3:50 for 15 items and £5 for 20. You can only use it once a week but its still a help

Oh how I relate to your post.

Yes... cheques were brilliant! I could by food for my parents a few days before payday. Weekends near payday were a gift as it took longer for cheques to go through.

@StickyFingeredWeeNed I assumed the redundancy covered the debt? So they were back to zero debt.

It's almost worse to be single on that wage because you get absolutely nothing.

That was my life in London for several years. Taking home little over £1200 a month, paying £800 in rent/bills for a shitty room in a shared flat, which left about £400 a month for absolutely everything else. Travel alone was something like £160 a month, and that was getting buses or walking everywhere. Groceries all bought in Lidl, any new clothes second hand. I scrimped and saved to have about £25 a week in 'disposable income'.

People who have always been comfortable just cannot imagine this existence. They cannot imagine just not having any disposable income at all, or so little that you have to work out exactly how much you can spend on an outing. I remember my heart sinking when someone in a group unilaterally decided we were doing rounds. I had to tell them I couldn't, and then was called stingy. It literally did not even enter their head that I simply couldn't afford it. My budget for that pub trip was £10 - enough for two pints, and then switching to water. A £30 round would have exceeded my entire weekly budget for 'fun'. It's so tiring and stressful to have to worry all the time. I went grey very young and got frown lines in my twenties...I'm sure this had a lot to do with the stress of being in poverty.

alphabeti I stand corrected. I’m sure everyone on this thread would get a 65 grand pay-off from their jobs should the boss issue P45s. Totally normal right. To go from no heating/eating carbs/holey clothes/watering down shampoo. Sounds TOTALLY the kinda life with a job with a huge pay off.

what is the legal redundancy these days?

The worst thing about having no money is people (who have money) telling you it's no big deal, to not have money. That your kids don't need to go to a theme park, that they don't need a holiday, or a weekend away, that a walk in the park is perfectly acceptable (as they go off to book a holiday/weekend away).

Yes I agree with this. I'm very frugal, not to the point we miss out on stuff needlessly or whatever, but even though we are bloody fortunate we don't have to worry about money I'm very careful about what to spend it on and will wait for sales and coupons. Because of this me and DH once we've paid the bills proportionately and added to joint savings have our own money too because I'm careful and he isn't. Which is fine in this arrangement but used to really stress me.