The worst thing about having no money

[letsallmeetupinthehyear2000]

is after a hard week at work you look at your bank balance and not only have you no money but you are overdrawn you can't go out and enjoy yourself or even buy yourself a tiny treat or buy any food without worrying about being in debt, you don't know how you're going to pay the electricity bill and any bit of joy or creativity has been sapped out of you you feel anxious and overwhelmed most of the time and you are so tired so tired you can't get dressed and you can't stop crying at everything

....To add, many of the poorest people have much better budgeting skills than the better-off do, out of necessity.

Sorry you're going this, OP - it's just crushing, isn't it?

OP - I am truly sorry. Having to live by the bones of your teeth is awful. I have been there. Even now we have a decent income but high goings, I live rigidly.

letsallmeetup
How incredibly insensitive of your friend to state that you should not be struggling financially at your age. Kicking someone when they are already down is the ultimate low.

Justwinging
Your colleague does not know the meaning of the word 'skint'. She probably means her current account is low but she is sitting on thousands of pounds of savings that she cannot justify touchIng. Skint means being unable to access money from anywhere.

Glowbabe
I have never heard someone in poverty make this statement. It always comes from the mouths of those who live comfortably with savings, investments etc. It is bloody patronising and condescending.

Ask her to sit down with you and go over your major outgoings and help you find where you could be 'saving'. At least then she;ll have a bit more sympathy.

Or you could go with the ogv's suggestion: 'get a better job' FFS!

It's so demeaning. I swear my friend and I used to lend each other the same fiver.

Trouble is, unless you have been through something, you can never fully understand. But when it does get better for you, you will always value money.

Sorry you are all having a tough time.

I can’t afford to pay my summer energy bills full stop - if I went to prepaid meters I’d be sitting in the dark with no cooking facilities - I certainly don’t have the ability to pay more in summer to cover winter bills

Most people who think they can relate are usually intentionally being frugal to save up for something so not only do they have an end point to look forward to but a reward of achieving whatever they're saving for.
There's no payoff when it's just about survival and it's soul destroying.

Yes, like those celebs who think they understand what decades living on the streets is like when they camp out in an unusually-thick and fluffy sleeping bag in a shop doorway for one night in July - surrounded by security people and a camera crew.

Wanting to live like the common people can actually be quite fun if it's just a frivolous game with nothing whatsoever to lose if you don't succeed. Like the difference between arbitrarily trying to walk from one end of the street to the other without stepping on any pavement cracks and having no alternative but to leap across a crocodile-infested river.

I remember at my lowest I googled how to fix something on my car (and yes, needed it for work and to do my half of getting kids to their dad for his contact weekend), anyway I fixed it in the dark and the rain with some swearing, a few spanners that I had in the back of the shed, and a kitchen knife. I was telling my friend how chuffed I was with myself and that I'd saved maybe 200 quid that I didn't have spare anyway, and she looked at me with such pity that I was shocked. She had been fully aware of my circumstances for years, and really didn't believe I couldn't scrape up £200 to do an essential repair. But that look really broke me.

And yes, she was a two-holiday, 2 car, 2 job, 2 parent family who did the whole 'I feel like a single parent' thing when her dh had to go away for a few days with work.

I have never heard someone in poverty make this statement. It always comes from the mouths of those who live comfortably with savings, investments etc. It is bloody patronising and condescending.

There used to be a whimsical old joke about this that I think is actually more pertinent than it was given credit for:

"Money doesn't buy happiness and I can prove it to you. You find me somebody with £29million and then find me somebody else with £30million: I can guarantee that the second person won't be any happier than the first."

Everybody's version of 'skint' is relative to their usual or previous financial situation. I cannot stand it when people use the word to mean to mean anything less than being able to afford the absolute basics (mortgage/rent, bills, food, travel to work). I don't want to hear about the family who is 'skint' after spending £10k on a week's holiday to Dubai.

I realised how crap my financial situation was when I couldn't afford to put more than £10 petrol in the car and the fucking fuel light didn't even go out!

I also had a hideous moment at a restaurant last year when I'd budgeted carefully to be able to afford £10–15 to join in an evening out and then someone did a bill split and I was told my share was £35. I literally couldn't afford to pay that. It was mortifying.

My finances go up and down because I'm self-employed. Some months are absolutely fine and I can afford a small treat like a day out with DD, other months I have hundreds less than I need. I'm more fortunate than many because if I'm really stuck I can ask my parents to lend me money but I absolutely hate doing it. It plays a big part in my sense of failure.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I remember the stress, anxiety and constant feeling of panic all too well that came with having to count your pennies. It came to the point where I would pick up any coin I found on the street, combined with change I may have had (2ps, 5ps) and would buy necessities using the self service tills to save the feeling of shame. Having to constantly turn down social invites because I couldn't afford the bus fare to even get there let alone bring a token gift. Even all of the things that are geared towards making extra money (online cashback for example) are only available to those who have funds upfront. You become an expert at budgeting and you never forget the value of money. Again I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time, you will get through this and one day you will be able to look back from a better financial position.

There always been many people struggling to make ends meet, but I think the worst thing of all is that, in Britain in 2022, there are probably at least 5-10 million people who couldn’t give a shit about how bad millions of people have it. IMO that’s probably never been the case before. But it’s no coincidence that this uncaring widespread it’s your own fault/benefits bashing/law of the jungle attitude is mirrored by the complacent, silver spooned amoral chancers who are currently “leading” the country ever further away from the possibility of a decent society which ensures decent access to food, housing, and a living wage.

Most people really don't get how draining it is. The drudgery of having to plan every meal to make every penny count. The lack of spontaneity. Having to turn down social events because you can't afford the track fare.

School trips that are suddenly announced and are on a first come first served basis. Payment system opens 3 days before payday.

*train

Although the present government are a bunch of lying cheating bastards - it’s not all their fault - there are plenty of company bosses out there who exploit their workers too. Many hypocrites out there who may even vote labour but still pay their employees the bare minimum (my boss being one example)

It was always the " you should learn how to budget better", that wound me up no end. I used to budget to the nearest penny (still do even now my situation has improved greatly). When you have very little to live on budgeting becomes the no1 priority and to be told you're not doing it properly is fucking patronising and downright rude.

Op. If you put your income and expenditure on a thread in finances, you will likely get some really helpful advice, if you're honest and have the stomach for it. Have you checked if you can claim any help? Use gov.uk website for benefits calculation and links to budget planning/debt help etc All free help. Don't use anything that will charge you.

brrowing peter to pay paul,
trying to save but accessing the savings 10 with days left til pay day

I dont know if they do this in your neck of the woods. But near me we have like a bike workshop , where teenagers fix bikes or you can donate them of they are broken etc. Im sure its like a community type project for those hoping to be a mechanic, that kind of thing.Might be worth seeing if there is something like that. X

I get it... it's so bloody stressful it kept me awake at night with worry still does tbf. I used to have £25 per week for extras like days out or wine or just something nice for the kids, I got in debt transferring 0% credit cards to another one just to buy food and pay my mortgage

But , I did get out of it.

I'm in a more fortunate position now, hard work and budgeting with I an inch of my life.
It will get better I promise. Everyone is feeling it at the moment. I guess it doesn't help with social media? People posting about crap about their wonderful lives spending hauls etc

I don't wish to be rude but I'm not sure you understand - I am not someone who hasn't tried all possible ways to save money, spent hours and hours and hours and hours trying to make it work - and who pays the debt in the end? Do you get free money? (don't think so) - I'm sure you mean well but not sure what you mean by the phrase 'if I have the stomach for it?'. As regards benefits - this is my situation WITH working tax credit, single person reduction in council tax, warm homes discount, £150 payment etc etc - making every meal from scratch, shopping at cheapest supermarket, dying own hair, not going out, walking to work, not using washing machine unless absolutely necessary, not using tumble dryer, turning lights off, not having heating on, not going out, eating out, using cheapest mobile deal......not buying clothes, no holidays and many more... I KNOW how to buy the cheapest cuts of meat or fish, I know how to cook and do every day. I also work full time

I'm the same OP, my husband has a well paid job and I work part time yet I'm riding round with the diesel light on in my car as I can't afford to top up, I'm over £2000 in debt with my energy company, I've had to borrow £30 off my Mam today to buy food top ups and all DH is getting for Father's Day is a mug from Tesco. It's relentless and soul destroying. We haven't been on holiday since 2009, my kids are desperate to experience and aeroplane but I can't see how we'll ever afford it and I'm just getting into more and more debt. I often have to put my food shop on Zilch and pay it off over 4 weeks. If it wasn't for my parents we'd be on the streets I'm sure

I realised how crap my financial situation was when I couldn't afford to put more than £10 petrol in the car and the fucking fuel light didn't even go out!

Our car has been mocking us for a very long time now, by beeping twice and demanding 'SERVICE NOW!' every time you start the engine. In fact, it actually beeps and nags twice about the service and only once when the petrol is running very low - and then, at least it says 'PLEASE REFUEL' rather than 'PETROL NOW!'

Of course, I realise it's just a computerised part in a machine, but (and maybe it's just me) it still has the air of having been programmed by somebody believing that the only reason you wouldn't have had it serviced is because silly forgetful you hasn't quite got around to calling the garage yet: what other reason could there possibly be?

I meant having the stomach for some of the comments you might get. Ime the good help negates the tone deaf posters.

For the bike repairs it might be worth googling Dr Bike to see if they have any sessions near you. I think they’re usually funded by the local council, but you can get things fixed for free as long as you don’t need new parts.

That if you do manage to plan a treat for the kids and something always comes up and scuppers it.
I had to get a lend of a €100 to get through this weekend and I have 25 of that left

It's a shit situation that doesn't se m to be improving