The worst thing about having no money

[letsallmeetupinthehyear2000]

is after a hard week at work you look at your bank balance and not only have you no money but you are overdrawn you can't go out and enjoy yourself or even buy yourself a tiny treat or buy any food without worrying about being in debt, you don't know how you're going to pay the electricity bill and any bit of joy or creativity has been sapped out of you you feel anxious and overwhelmed most of the time and you are so tired so tired you can't get dressed and you can't stop crying at everything

Quite. Those programmes on TV where some celeb or politician 'lives for a week on benefits' make my teeth grind- at the end of that week they will be back to plenty again, and know they will be- people who are actually hard up know that it may well go on for years, with all the worry that it brings with it. You can put up with a lot for a week, facing it for years is totally different mentally, physically and practically. The TV lot have no new shoes to buy for the kids that week, or, washing machines to replace.

Yep its the literally not being able to afford sanitary towels this month and having 3 kids with summer birthdays and already crying myself to sleep at the thought of how i can possibly afford gifts never mind a party which the six year old has her heart set on. Every child in her class who has had a party this year has had big soft play parties and she is desperate for one too. 😥

The fear that never leaves you, even 20 years later when you have a relatively good job. So that you make all financial decisions and life decisions from a position of fear of being back in that position of poverty

God, this is so true!
I am in a great position financially and would never believed that I have what I have. However I am very cautious with money and still have a fear that every thing will be taken away from me. DH wants me to enjoy our success more but I'm always looking over my shoulder in fear.

I’m sorry all who are struggling. I’m ok now but have been there and know how it feels. It’s also as someone else said, isolating to be unable to afford £3 for a coffee to meet a friend in a cafe. It’s scandalous that just existing is so expensive.
And if you do manage to find £3 for a coffee, the people who will never understand your situation accusing you of wasting money on such things and claiming its proof poverty is all your own fault. It's as if the poor should have NOTHING but bread and water and be grateful they get to live in a rich country. Makes me fuming.

Sending hugs to you - I’ve not wanted to carry on many times / if it wasn’t for my Dds dad (my ex) who’s had to bail me out with a few quid a few times I don’t think I’d still be here. The massive strain it has on me psychologically - thank god I didn’t have to parent her alone and her dad has been able to buy her things - she’s really lucky in that respect - so Huge respect and love to everyone who does that - seriously ! it’s demoralising depressing and soul destroying x

It buys you a fantastically comfortable misery .

I bet she is drowning in debt !
It's so hard, i am no where near financially safe and i know how it feels to have a constant calculator whizzing in your mind , i hate the way the situation limits your choices and options.
It constantly amazes me that people are living like this in one of the worlds richest countries and knowing that the vast amount of our politicians probably have no idea what this way of life feels like.
I truly hope life gets easier for us all .

I hate that you can't give presents. I know it's not the worst, but I hate if I buy my dm something, or take a couple of meals round she worries that it's cost me more than I can afford.
It's the thing I've hated all my life, ever since I was little and had nothing to give her for her birthday. I know there's other ways of showing love. And I know people have it much worse.

Hearing the pre payment meter beeping and knowing you have no way to top it up, finding a £1 coin in a pocket and being overjoyed, driving home from work as the petrol light starts flashing and knowing you will have to phone in sick the next day as you can't afford the petrol which just makes you worse off the next month, not having anything in the house you really fancy eating just things you can afford, washing clothes with no washing powder as you can't afford it, watering down shampoo and shower gel. This was me a few years ago, luckily I'm out of that situation and count my blessings every single day. I'm so fucking sorry for anyone going through this, it truly is absolutely shit. Things need to change!

Other people are the worst. Always imparting their ‘wisdom’. I’ finally ok financially with a bit of disposable money each month but I used to be really skint. Other people always had to tell you what they thought you should do.

Constant back

I was a single parent for years. I worried about money from the minute I opened my eyes to the minute I fell asleep. It was exhausting. I worked as a supply teacher when my sons were very small. If one of my children came home and said" everyone in my class is being sick" I would think ,oh god please, please don't be ill. If they were ill I couldn't work and if I didn't work then I got no money.

So, so sorry to everyone who is struggling and please know you are not on your own with this.
Having to tell your children no is absolutely heart wrenching. Times are so very tough right now.

Well I don't know. Is it a crime to ask? I have a very well paid job but no savings so I was wondering what could happen. I apologise if I offended you.

Quite offensive to actual 3rd world countries.
No we are not a third world country - far far from it. A million miles from it.

People get weird with you if you have no money - I don’t understand why. When I was poor I instinctively hid it, made excuses and even told lies. I was going to say something about the shame of it, except it’s not shame- it’s just that you can’t trust other people’s reactions.

Do you the other thing even when you do become comfortable it never, ever leaves you? Even today I still panicked when my card got declined at the checkout I knew I had more than enough money in my account but I still got that sinking feeling. I get up in poverty, real wondering where my dinner was coming from holes in shows poverty. As a student and when the DC were younger we had to watch every penny, DH and I lived on 49p pizzas and 89p pasta n sauces (bet they are not that price now). We are very fortunate to be comfortable now but there’s things I do as a direct result of growing up in poverty, I always buy too much to ensure the cupboards are always stocked up, loads of snack foods like crisps and chocolate in case a friend stops by, always have lots of toilet roll (we used to run out and have to use newspaper frequently), the girls always have loads of sanpro as I remember counting change up to get some or using toilet paper. Praying your card will go through. It’s a horrible way to live and no one should have to especially children

Its awful.and the effects stay with you for a long time. I'm reasonably comfortable now but I cannot go grocery shopping, I had so much fear as a child watching the £s on the till go up because I felt responsible for our poverty. I had an eating disorder for a very long time, all the doctors told me it was body image related. It wasn't, it was because I had made the choice all through my teens and earlyy adulthood that if I couldn't afford to do all the things I needed to I wasn't going to spend it on food. Being a woman and being told how beautiful and skinny I was only encouraged it.

Even if you leave hardship behind it never leaves you.

I sat next to a young ,single teaching colleague at a staff meeting. He started sniffing as if he had a bad smell under his nose. It was me. The jumper I was wearing had that smell you get when something hasn't dried fast enough. I was mortified. I hadn't switched the heating on because I had no money and the house was too cold to dry heavier items. He mentioned it to the person on the other side of me. It was 20 years ago and your post above reminded me of it. They were such awful years

You didn’t ask unless it’s a name change fail??

but it is offensive to find “it is difficult to believe this happens in the uk”, it is akin to all us who are posting are either liars, exaggerating or wasteful in some way. Is it really difficult to work out that any income which doesn’t cover your basic outgoings, is not also going to suddenly stretch to buying a cup of coffee?

Before mobiles, BT cut our phone off a few days before my due date so I had no way of contacting DH or the hospital if I went into labour (and a high risk pregnancy/birth). I remember feeling so scared. DH couldn't afford not to go into work as we couldn't buy food if he didn't get paid on the Friday. I'm sure there was worse things but that's one that's stayed with me. (We also had no phone for ages as even when we could pay the outstanding amount, BT wouldn't connect it without us paying a deposit which we just couldn't scrape together).

These threads always bring people out with well meaning advice and sometimes I just want to scream do you think that's not already been thought of/tried. Sometimes it's just more helpful to say, I hear you and its fucking shit.

I hear you, and it's fucking shit.

@Circumferences sorry if it’s already been mentioned, but it’s worth seeing if there’s a Doctor Bike session near where you live - they’re free drop in bike maintenance sessions.

Or do you have a friend who’s into cycling who you could ask for help? DH and I are both cyclists and if we knew a friend was struggling we’d be glad to help get their bike working again. Do you know anyone who cycles?

@HardRockOwl I'd love one of the boxes if you can spare one for me? I don't know how to PM off the app but if you could PM me I'd be happy to explain my situation so you know I'm genuine

thankyou ! and to everyone who gets it - some of us are struggling through no fault of our own and we don’t want advice on “cutting costs” we’ve done all that already - on a daily, weekly yearly basis !

I do sympathize, OP. I can still remember having to sell unused conditioner online - bottles I bought in a moment of frivolity. 😟
I'm in a much better place now, but the memory of counting every cent and never taking public transit for months, in any kind of weather, calculating how far a piece of cheese will go, etc. stay with me.
Relentless anxiety.
I hope life has something much, much better in store for you yet!