Mother and daughter best friends, what do you think when you hear this ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Just been watching George Clarke flipping fast and two for the contestants are mother n daughter and both describe themselves as best friends

jistbwondered what you generally think to mothers and daughters that say this

as tbh it’s often how I feel about my dd we are such good friends
but I tend not to say that as it’s like it makes people feel sick or eye roll etc

sounds like its good that they have each other then and have an understanding, otherwise theyd have no friends.
Sometimes all you need is one person in life who really gets you, For some people that is only ever going to be a family member. ~

I think this thread is turning quite nasty.
Id count my mum amongst my best friends because of our shared history and understanding. Its a bit different to my other friends because shes still my parent, but there are absolutely loads of things that she would be my first choice of company for, and I do actually fear how im going to be when my DM dies too.

Im perfectly ok at making friends, and am lucky to have lots of close friends and my mum is not weird about this. My whole family is pretty close tbh, including cousins, aunts and uncles.

@Branleuse

sounds like its good that they have each other then and have an understanding, otherwise theyd have no friends.
Sometimes all you need is one person in life who really gets you, For some people that is only ever going to be a family member. ~

Funny you should mention that, I was thinking about how a lot of ND people actively choose not to have lots of friends and will often be close with their parents as they not only understand them well but are like them. I'm autistic and so are my children. Adult DD1 and I are very close, we do a lot together and neither of us have any desire to have lots of friends. It's not a co dependency though, it's just minimal contact with people who don't 'get' us. Adult DD2 is the opposite, not particularly close to either parent and massively sociable. Lots of friends, always out and about and attending events at uni.

My best friend and her mum are very much 'best friends' but I don't think they actually describe themselves that way.
I'm also very close to them both.... in fact we feel more like family.

But they do have other friends and interests so it isn't a co-dependant relationship. They're just very, very close and will talk about everything.

It's actually very lovely.

I got on very well with my Mum and we were very close right up until she died. Don't think she ever said we were best friends, but as she got older and more isolated she probably depended on me more as a sounding board and for company (phoned me every day).

It does remind me though of when I was in my teens, she and my Dad (and others) used to say we were more like sisters than mother and daughter. I felt uncomfortable with that at the time but couldn't put into words why. I have heard it since and I think it is very flattering to the mother but an insult to the daughter. At 15 I didn't want to be considered the same as a woman in her late 30s.

She often chose similar clothes for each of us and at my wedding she wore a pale ivory dress suit. It was a colour that suited her very well, but it's not a thing people would do now I think. I was a bit upset but it seemed ungrateful to say anything and she was absolutely oblivious. Fortunately in later life she didn't choose this colour for weddings (well, there weren't many) or I would have had to have told her.

So yes I agree with PP - daughters need mothers to be mothers not friends (or sisters) although I think in later life sometimes the roles can change.

A girl I used to work with was best friends with her mum, and would tell her everything, and I mean 'everything'. I felt sorry for her husband, if they had words, or things were bad between them, the mum would get involved.

Also, the dad (my friends dad) was treated as a 2nd class citizen in his own home, the mum and daughter ruled the roost. It was a very odd set up!

If your mum is like your best friend, I wonder if you get the same sort of "I want my mum" feelings?

My mum and I have a great relationship, but not a super close one - we can go weeks without speaking (though email), and live really far apart. But when I have a crisis, I get that "I want my mum" feeling. Which is so different to the times when you want to vent to a friend or cry on someone's shoulder.

My mums not my friend at all. She neglected then left me and when we reunited years later she was abusive. I still have those 'I want my mum' feelings if I'm in a crisis, I can't imagine people who are close to their mum not having that

My 19 yo says this about me, though she has lots of other friends. I don't say it about her because it seems a bit too needy and I don't think it's true as being a mum is different.

My mum isn’t my friend I have friends but our relationship is different. I love her, of course and we get on mostly but she’s still a mum I don’t know how to describe it. There has to be boundaries especially when growing up. I have boys so no daughters to be best mates with.

A mother is a mother. Not a best friend. The mother should have friends her own age not cling on to a teenager. Its pathetic.

I don't have friends my own age, or any age tbh. I'm not pathetic and didn't 'cling' on to my kids as teens either. It's ok to be friends with adult children, perfectly normal. It's not a reason to insult someone.

Weird how many people have opinions about something that doesn’t effect them in the slightest.

Ive always said me and my mum are best friends, and so has she. It’s not one sided, we aren’t codependent, she didn’t “never parent me” or any of the bollocks trotted out on this thread.

I’m 28, is it okay for me and my mum to be friends given I’m not a teenager anymore, in your all knowing opinion? 🙄

Cringe. She's there to parent not be best buddies.

Bingo. I’m adhd and dyspraxic, my mum has ASD. We get each other in ways NT people don’t get us. We’re also both very introverted. My kids are all various combinations of ND and if they feel the same way about me that’s fine by me.

NT people forcing their standards into everyone else as per usual in this thread.

But you are a mother who gets on with her adult children. That’s great. But you’re not their friends. It’s a different relationship.

When my mum was alive I would have described her as my best friend. It was very unhealthy, in hindsight. From when I was a child it was the two of us, and she didn't really want me to have a life she wasn't part of although this did get better when I went to uni. Now I have my own kids i can clearly see how I didn't really have a mum in the way that I am to my kids, I had a friend, and i worried abput her feelings way more than i should have. I am.very clear with my kids - I'm your mum and that's special enough. Boundaries are really important for kids to feel safe.

Nonsense.

Sadly my mother died when I was in my 20s but we would always have been mother/daughter, never friends. She was very close to my sister but absolutely still Mum

I am very close to my DDs and see them a lot. I'm still their mum. They have friends and best friends as do I and our relationship is definitely different. And I'm happy with that.

There's lot of us who don't have that "best friend"

I don't. I have lots of good friends. But I don't have one "best friend" - maybe because I went to a different secondary school to most of my primary class mates. Then university far away. Then moved away from my home town?

I have lovely friends from different walks of life and speak to and see them regularly.

But my number one closest human who I tell everything is my husband.

And second to that (excluding obvious sex/private marriage stuff) the person who I get the most support from is my mum.

I'd sooner say she was my best friend than her say it about me I think. She is very socially active but she needs me for a lot (my dad died not long ago) so our relationship is different than it's been before since then. She says she tells people I'm more like the mum.

So maybe we're not best friends. But as for people I can trust with anything, know they won't judge me, will help me etc. Then it's DH and my mum.

I like to hope than when my DC grow up our relationship can be similar. We have a great laugh and enjoy each other's company as well as being very open and supportive. Which extends to be open about needing space although we both make sure to give each other that anyway.

I think people are overthinking the "label" of best friends. You can have lots of "best" friends including your Mum/Daughter, or you can just call them all friends. And a Mum, can still be a Mum, and a friend.

DD's and I are very close, and yes, we are best friends. We share pretty much everything, both between them, and between us as a three. They also have their own group of close friends, and maybe somewhat unconventionally, many of my best friends, are also the mothers of my daughters best friends. We often all get together for dinners and celebrations. Some of my daughters friends, are also very close to me, because we have known each other all through school and beyond.

So, I would say, we are all a group of close friends, with some best friends thrown in, and it all works very well.

As per a previous poster - DH is also my best friend. He was my best friend before being my partner, and then my husband. Having said that, there are things I would share with my daughters, that I don't share with DH, and they with me, but not him. There are certain things that a dad doesn't want to know about his daughters, and vice versa.

Cringe. You're not supposed to be best friends , you're parent and child.

I get it- me and dd say it about each other. She has her own circle of friends and I have fine, but she's the person I most look forward to seeing, who makes me laugh the most, who I want to go on holiday with. I don't lean on her emotionally ever, because I'm not the type to lean on anyone.

Tragically my dh is my best mate - the only thing I don't tend to talk to him about are my celebrity sex crushes in graphic detail. but that's more because I don't think it's respectful to describe to him the precise uses I dream up for Chris Hemsworths penis

You see I don't think partners should be called your best friend either. The relationship between partner or mother is different to that of best friend.

You see I don't think partners should be called your best friend either. The relationship between partner or mother is different to that of best friend.

Wait though, isn't your best friend your 'favourite'? The one you like most of all? So for many that 'label' could be given to a parent, child or partner. We don't all have friends to choose a best one from. And that's ok.