Mother and daughter best friends, what do you think when you hear this ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Just been watching George Clarke flipping fast and two for the contestants are mother n daughter and both describe themselves as best friends

jistbwondered what you generally think to mothers and daughters that say this

as tbh it’s often how I feel about my dd we are such good friends
but I tend not to say that as it’s like it makes people feel sick or eye roll etc

yes my mum probably is my best friend and definitely the person I am closest to

I can relate to this as my children are all in their 30’s and 40’s but I honestly don’t understand why ‘best friend’ comes into it when a person is speaking about their mum. Why can’t it just be that the person I’m closest to is my mum?

I'd think that whoever is saying it understands neither friendship or parenting.
You're not meant to be your child's friend.
I get on very well with DD. Truly. I trust her, we've rarely had words. We have a laugh.
But she's not my friend, and I'm not hers.

I’m a lone parent and my ex husband lives abroad and so contact is infrequent. I don’t just hear this about single mums but also from married mums who are lonely in the marriage. I think it’s damaging.
My daughter is still very young, she can have lots of friends but only one mother… however I would love to be friends with my own mother - she loves me but clearly doesn’t like me very much. Despite my best efforts, She doesn’t enjoy my company, does not confide in me, etc.

There is a balance, I don’t want to be my daughter’s best friend but as she gets older I hope she views me (in adulthood) not just as a mother but also a friend, as I view my sisters. She’s an only child - no cousins - so she will need her friends and I hope to be one of her allies in adulthood.

Cloying? Is that a new expression?

I’d say they are kinda age range of mid 20s and mid 50s type age

No.

It's cringey but at the same time my mum really is one of my best friends. Because not only do I love her because she's my mum I also love her because I think she is one of the best people in the world. If she wasn't my mum she would still be my friend. There are parts of out lives we keep private (like our sex lives) and I wouldn't tell people in general or on tv she's my BFF but she really is

My mum was my best friend, not clingy, cringy, competitive, sad, weird or annoying. Obviously I have friends but my mum was the best one.

Unhealthy & weird

I don't think best friends describes a healthy relationship between mother and daughter.

I am my 13 y.o DD's only friend, I wish things were different it's not easy, I've tried to push her out of her comfort zone but there is no budging her. She has asperger's in previous ASD terms, she is a sweet person without confidence.

It's not always as it seems.

I suspect we'll be together as long as I am alive.

I find it tends to be the Mum has few friends of her own so does see the daughter as hers.

The daughter however is just very close to the Mum and doesn't want to upset her by just saying we get on well.

My Mum may see me or my sister as her best friend. I don't see her as mine but we are close.

Yes I meant this too, she didn't want to come drinking with me on a night out my 20's, or try to dress the same age as me etc.

I’m enjoying seeing the other side to my mum is my best friend.

I would think they were not doing mother/child right if they didn't think that was a closer, longer lasting, more precious relationship than simply "best friends", and IME the type who go on about how they are best friends with their young adult children don't want to release the apron strings and let their child grow and experience the wonders of the scary world independently outwith their influence.

Co dependent with zero boundaries.

^ or this

I think it's odd and co-dependent... my DM and are I are close but I am so glad that she has her own wide circle of friends and interests... my DF died last year and after 60 years of marriage it was obviously very sad but the fact that she has friends, hobbies and interests means that she gets on with her life and doesn't rely on me to fulfill her emotional needs.

Yes. I can see how the older people are the more being best friends sounds perfectly ok.

Enmeshed.

I am not my dd's best friend and I don't want to be, but I don't see the need for all of the judgemental comments towards people who do choose to frame their relationships in this way. There is no need to call other people's relationships weird or wrong just because they see things differently. Some people on here will have lost their mums, and it may be upsetting for them to have their relationships picked apart as if they weren't quite as they should be.

If you are close enough to your mum or child to regard them as a friend, whether that's how you choose to frame it or not, you are very fortunate. Just enjoy that and leave others to enjoy their own relationships as they see fit.

I think people are reading too much into this. It’s just an expression…they mean they are very close. That is how I interpret it.

My friend was/is best friends with her mum.

She's a lovely woman but through her mothers reliance on her still lives at home with her and her 2 children. She tried to leave home and find her own place however her mum guilted her into staying with her.

She seems happy enough but has never really lived. Never went to uni, worked l, lived with a boyfriend been on holiday etc.

I love my children dearly but hope they spread their wings and enjoy life.

It's probably said more often by the mother than the child IME.

You can get on well, but I wouldn't use the best friends term for it. As a parent, you have to make the hard decisions sometimes so it's not a popularity contest.

There is nothing new about cloying either!

You have said what I couldn’t be bothered to write.!

I watch the same series and don't see anything cringey about it. I don't think when they say they're 'best friends' they mean they're exclusive and don't have any other friends. I'm sure they do! They just mean they're extremely close which I'd love to have with my dd when I'm older. Better than being NC which seems pretty common on Mumsnet!

My FIL says he feels more like he’s a brother to my DH. Definitely an excuse not to bother ducking parenting in his case. My DH hates it - both his parents lived vicariously through him when he was a child and had no choice but to be dependant on them.

It's impossible to be a friend and a parent. You can be a loving and supportive parent but you need boundaries.