Mother and daughter best friends, what do you think when you hear this ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Just been watching George Clarke flipping fast and two for the contestants are mother n daughter and both describe themselves as best friends

jistbwondered what you generally think to mothers and daughters that say this

as tbh it’s often how I feel about my dd we are such good friends
but I tend not to say that as it’s like it makes people feel sick or eye roll etc

I see it as the parent feeling they have ‘won’ at parenting, they are saying they are far superior than other mothers who’s children aren’t their best friends. Which is why it’s cringy. They are competitive mothers who haven’t move on and let their child speed their wings.

That's a massive assumption to make, that it's a point scoring game. True though of someone who doesn't have a genuine bond with their child, the narsacissitic parent. In which case the statement's void. If it's mutual, it's genuine.
This is where it's difficult for people who maybe haven't had that type of bond with their mother. It's not like friendships with people from school or work. What @Glendaruel said it's in it's own category. It's not someone who you necessarily behave in the same way you do your friends, but it's someone who is an absolute rock through thick and thin. Not everyone has a positive relationship with their mum, describing it as best friends is just another way of saying you're very close and have a good relationship.

Oh gawd no! That would be unhealthy, how can you have a child for a best friend when the kids cannot understand and shouldn’t be burdened with mum’s problems and why would a child/teen would like to be best friends with the mum, that separates them a bit from the world of people their age!

I think it's stifling!

I know a mother and daughter like this. They used to go clothes shopping, arm in arm, every Saturday morning and have lunch together without fail. They virtually wore the same clothes. The daughter didn't have much of a chance to develop her own personality or opinions. And the mother confided in, and depended on, the poor daughter far too much after her marriage break down. Of course the whole situation fell apart when the daughter left home, met a man, and the mother tried to maintain and exert the same level of control, albeit from further away. over the couple, and then her GC, and she ended up alienating her DD and son in law to the extent that they are now LC.

I'm grateful that my mum is definitely one of my best friends. And I'm one of hers.

Just as her mother was one of hers too.

(We're both only daughters too so maybe that had something to do with it.)

But we also have lots of social life outside of each other.

So in the right situation I'd say my mum was my best friend but I'd also say it about my dog and my husband.

In situations where they mean only friend then yeah, very stifling - especially for the daughter in my opinion.

That’s an interesting one. I’ll come back to this.

My mum was my best friend don't see what's so odd about it !!

It depends. Best friends as in that’s who the DD goes to for advice and they enjoy spending time together is fine.

Best friends as in, we do everything together and the DM confides in the DD, then no, that’s not healthy at all and points to a mother who is controlling and unable to cut the cord . In my experience a lot of these relationships occur when a marriage breaks down

My DM has become one of my best friends in adulthood. We have always had a lovely close bond. Obviously there’s things I would discuss with other friends, not her, like dating and sex. The reactions on this thread are odd. I really couldn’t care less what the MN opinion is, the relationship with my DM is something I cherish.

DD and I are very good friends. We go out together and travel together but I wouldn’t say we are best friends. There are things she doesn’t know about me and I know she doesn’t confide in me. I’m pleased she has other friends she can talk to.

People are talking about two different things: a parent to a child vs a parent to an adult child. Age gap is also important. A 16 year gap vs 45 year gap will be different.

NOBODY is ho actually has few friends will admit that their parent is their BFF, that's just made up. It doesn't happen.

Dd wrote little notes as a Christmas present to me, saying her feelings that sort of thing

on one it said ‘you are my best friend’ I didn’t say i wasnt her best friend as I thought she might be a bit upset 😀

i don’t think i really have a best friend 🤔

a friend of mine did say the other day that i was one of her best friends….again I didn’t tell her she wasn’t one of mine 😀

I think it's a bit sad. Both should have their own friends.

It makes me feel sad. My mum died when I was 22 and we were just developing an adult woman-woman bond.

If I hear a mother say this, I think she’s a bit unbalanced and needs to stop living through her daughter.

The mother and daughter I know that are like this are really really weird. They refer to themselves as sisters and always banging on about how close they are on fb. The mum is definitely one of those trying to hang onto her youth and using her daughter to do it which is pretty sad for the daughter

I think it's when the mother is lonely. I've seen mothers over invest in this co dependency when they are lonely. As soon as they are not lonely the relationship floundered.

I also think it's because the mother doesn't want to grow up, make autonomous decisions and parent.

I think my DM thought she was cool and my friend I didn't want her as a friend, I wanted a mother.

This hits the nail on the head ^

I love my daughters adore their company they are good company.

However, I am their mother and that to me always means we are not friends we are mother daughters.. doesn't mean I can't love and enjoy their company. Just my.role is to encourage and support and guide and be there with unconditional love. I see friendship as different

It's normally the mum that says it, and the daughter gives a rather forced laugh afterwards.

When I've known the situation, either the mum has absolutely no idea what the daughter is actually up to, or the daughter has no independence which either ends up with them being still living at home with no life in their 40s or NC by late 20s.

When my mother was compos mentis, we spent a fair bit of time together. In spite of difficulties between us, we also enjoyed each other’s company. But I spent time with her as my mother, not as a friend.

As a mother I think our children should be able to form friendships outside their family. Neither of my children would describe me as their best friend, nor I them, it's a different relationship with different dynamics.

I know a mother and daughter who describe themselves as best friends. Codependent is how I'd describe them. Neither have other friends because nobody else would tolerate their odd demands, selfish behaviour or victim mentality. I fear for the daughter's mental health when her DM dies.

My mother and her mother were best friends. Said it all the time. She was an only child but I don’t think by choice. It made life very boring as a child as everything circled around that relationship, they’d sit for hours talking, then we’d go home and my mum would be straight on the phone to her for a mother for another couple of hours. We didn’t do anything / go anywhere because the focus was them 2 all the time chatting or just being together.

When my grandmother died my mother got angry at anyone who cried as she was the one who should be upset. Including her very young grandchildren as apparently ‘they never bothered with her so why do they get to be upset now’. They did see her, just more once or twice a week as they had school and activities. It was like she didn’t understand or value relationships that weren’t super intense be together all the time.

As a teen, my mother was always moaning why her relationships didn’t work out or why her kids were off the rails or hostile to her. I got fed up and told her why. And that was the beginning of the end really, don’t see her anymore.

My Mum is one of my best friends. Without a shadow of a doubt.

We share the same interests, we enjoy one another’s company, we respect and care what the other feels… what about that isn’t a friend? I like her as a person not just a mum.

I also have other friends, a family and a good set of boundaries. Just because I enjoy spending time with my mum doesn’t make me weird.

She lives around the corner and if DH is working a nightshift and I’m particularly frazzled. I take the kids and we go for a sleepover at Nanny’s. Nanny puts the kids to bed and we order a takeaway, have a bottle of wine and judge people on telly. It’s great.

However she also has incurable cancer which I do think puts things into perspective. Our time with her has a clock on it so we make sure to savour what we do have.

I think it is either not true and just a cutesy thing they say, or it is a bit tragic and indicates something missing in their lives, or there is some rather unhealthy dynamic going on.

I have a brilliant relationship with my Mum, we enjoy spending time together and are very close but she's not my best friend. It is a different relationship, we have our own friends and mutual friends.