Mother and daughter best friends, what do you think when you hear this ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Just been watching George Clarke flipping fast and two for the contestants are mother n daughter and both describe themselves as best friends

jistbwondered what you generally think to mothers and daughters that say this

as tbh it’s often how I feel about my dd we are such good friends
but I tend not to say that as it’s like it makes people feel sick or eye roll etc

In the series they're 62 and 30.

I always think the mum is probably clingy and driving the relationship, potentially guilt-tripping if not 'enough' time is spent together.

I also agree with PP who said mum and best friend are totally different positions. You can be super close to your mum without having to compare with your friends.

It is something that my mum would have said and now she is in a home with dementia she has introduced me more than once as her "best friend". We have been close, I am an only child and for a lot of my childhood/teens my father was abroad with the Services but it always felt like a heavy burden to carry and not one I want to put on my daughters - or my sons.

Well what do you consider a best friend? Someone who goes through the shit with you, gets you through it and tries to get you on your feet after it? Someone you can talk to without judgement who shares your humour, outlook on life, values and understand you social support system? I think once you’re a certain age and the power balance equals out it is the most natural thing in the world for your mother or siblings to be your best friend. I know some aren’t as fortunate in their families to have that and it sucks but logically it makes complete sense. A mother saying her 6 year old is her best friend would have me raising eyebrows though.

My mums 75 and I’m 32. She is one of my best friends hand on heart. I can tell her anything and We like to do things together like the theatre or some holidays that I couldn’t with my partner. I’m lucky to have her as a mother and a friend and I feel awfully sorry for people that don’t, you can’t replace a mum.

Crikey, it's just a figure of speech

Yes. I think this is it in a nutshell. I’m certainly looking at things differently the more the thread goes on.

My mother treated me as her therapist from a young age and it was very damaging. The enmeshment has been difficult to deal with and I've needed therapy to cope with it. Now that she no longer can tell me things, I feel that she has a deeply seated hatred/dislike for me. I suspect she is jealous of me and I do not feel emotionally safe around her. I make sure that my relationship with my children isn't intense and I keep things light hearted as much as I can. There's no way in hell that I would tell my kids my problems or use them to sound off about my issues.

If you think that your child is a great listener, that they are very wise for their age, that they give good advice and even seem to really want to listen to your problem: stop and get some friends of your own to confide in.

Just because your child seems like an old soul who just gets you and understands your situation, doesn't mean they are mentally equipped to handle whatever you want to tell them. If you tell your child all of your problems, don't be surprised when they have some kind of breakdown in their teens or twenties.

Being a mother is a very different relationship to a friendship. Think it’s unhealthy and stifling for the daughter. Would assume something lacking in the mother and that she’s not very emotionally intelligent

Unhealthy relationship lacking appropriate boundaries.

I am very close to my Mum, neither would describe each other as “best friends”. She is my parent not a friend, I am her child not a friend.

Co-dependency and emotional incest.

my mum and my Nan were ‘best friends’ and it was a really weird intense relationship. No boundaries. It was weird tbh.

I think that MN has a very weird view of Mother and daughter relationships. Some of us are very close to our adult children. Just because most on MN seem to hate their mothers doesn't mean we all do.

The boundary thing can fuck off too.

My daughter is my best friend, but I’d be horrified if I was hers. I’m not even sure best friend is the right term, I love her to bits, we are very close, but I am still her parent. And as her parent I want her to have an independent life and friends. I certainly am not going clubbing with her. Nor do I wish her to confide in me as she would someone her age, but I am always there for her, without judgement.

for me, if they classify each other as best friends, then they are either using a euphanism to state how close they are, or something has went wrong in the parent child relationship. We shouldn’t wish to be our child’s best friend. We should wish them to have that independently and have us as well.

What even are the famous MN boundaries? 18 and an adult off you go and don't speak to your mother more than once a week?

vomit

Completely agree

I think sometimes we place the label of best friend when we have a lot in common with that person, rather than discuss anything under the planet with that person. I have far more common interests with my mum or my husband than I do my best friend. I’m much more likely to go on a cooking show with my mum. However, my best friend is the one I can talk to about literally anything, whether my mum is being a bit OTT, whether my husband is being a bit of a dick and that kinky sex dream I had. Our friendship isn’t based on our common interests but the ability to support each other.

^^This

I hate it even more when they say it about their young daughters

Makes me think mums trying to be young again and muscle in on her daughters life and friendships.

When my daughter is 20 I’ll still be in my 30’s and if she wants to go for a drink with me, shopping, dinner etc I’d love that! We may well have a lot of similar interests.

Yes, but I did those things with my Mum when she was alive, and I do those things with by dds now, (both in their 20s) - and, come to that, my ds - because we have a loving, healthy Mother / child relationship.
However I also have my own friends, and they also have their own friends. Special needs aside I wouldn't consider I had done a very good job bringing my dc up if their social life and support network consisted of me, as being 'the one' they would turn to.

I also agree with PP who said mum and best friend are totally different positions. You can be super close to your mum without having to compare with your friends.

I agree

We like to do things together like the theatre or some holidays that I couldn’t with my partner.
Yep, I have done all that with my Mum, and indeed with one of my dc. I'm still their Mum though, not their "mate"

I think that MN has a very weird view of Mother and daughter relationships. Some of us are very close to our adult children. Just because most on MN seem to hate their mothers doesn't mean we all do.

Nobody has said that though. I am close to my adult children. I am not their best friend though. I was close to my own Mum, but again, she wasn't my best friend, nor I hers.

Not sure where I stayed that I don’t have my own friends and my daughter won’t have her own friends.

I always think the mum is probably clingy and driving the relationship, potentially guilt-tripping if not 'enough' time is spent together.

Well, you "always think" wrong! My mother was the least clingy person I know and wouldn't have dreamed of guilt tripping me on anything. Neither of my parents expected me to give up anything for them, didn't expect me to care for them in old age and never expected me to make them the centre of my world. I actually often thought my mother possibly didn't want a child, but that didn't stop us from being best friends in adulthood.

I think that MN has a very weird view of Mother and daughter relationships. Some of us are very close to our adult children. Just because most on MN seem to hate their mothers doesn't mean we all do.

I suspect this is what it all boils down to - those who hate their mothers can't

imagine that there is any other kind of mother/daughter relationship.

I love this “absolute tossers”. 💐

On TV programmes, I just assume it means they are close, like they ring each other every day and/or live near each other and visit for chat and company rather than caring duties.

I sometimes wonder if a daughter in that type of relationship enjoys the type of love that her mother brings to the friendship, and doesn’t need to “compete” like she might with a friend her own age. But I’m probably reading into it too much.

Always makes me shudder. My mum was very emotionally abusive when I was younger and she always described us as best friends to everyone when really it was crushing me.

Possibly a reaction to this but these days I'm my own best friend. I look after me and out for me.

It makes me think of those women you get posting about how 'devastated' they are to be pregnant with boys because they wanted to go shopping and to get their nails done with their daughter. It makes me feel uncomfortable in the same way - like the daughter is some sort of accessory to the mother.

Best friends, a mother and daughter? Never. That mother must lack parenting skills. It's unhealthy, they must not know anyone else. Talk about lack of boundaries. Surely they must be weirdos?

Fs 😂Wouldn't give it much more thought, it's a way of saying they're close. Good on the mum for building that with her daughter. It's absurd to me that there are negative connotations.