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Original poster

Mother and daughter best friends, what do you think when you hear this ?

236 replies

LovelyYellowLabrador · 17/06/2022 20:42

Just been watching George Clarke flipping fast and two for the contestants are mother n daughter and both describe themselves as best friends

jistbwondered what you generally think to mothers and daughters that say this

as tbh it’s often how I feel about my dd we are such good friends
but I tend not to say that as it’s like it makes people feel sick or eye roll etc

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 17/06/2022 21:24

I think it depends on what age you are. When I was young, no. When I was a teenager or early twenties, hell no. In my forties with children of my own, yes my mum probably is my best friend and definitely the person I am closest to.
I agree.
You develop a different adult relationship with your parents.
I'm glad I got to experience it.

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 17/06/2022 21:25

My mum and I used to roar with laughter every time we heard this phrase- it made us eye-roll and generally take the piss as it was a sort of code for absolute tossers 😂

She died suddenly a few years ago, and every time I hear the phrase now, I think of her, our cynicism and how we couldn’t really explain to anyone else why it made us laugh. I’m reminded of the bitter irony that she was, actually, my best friend.

A580Hojas · 17/06/2022 21:25

I wouldn't want to be best friends with my daughter, much as I love her. She should be best friends with someone her own age, as should I.

Anothernamechangeplease · 17/06/2022 21:25

EmeraldShamrock1 · 17/06/2022 21:16

I don't think best friends describes a healthy relationship between mother and daughter.

I am my 13 y.o DD's only friend, I wish things were different it's not easy, I've tried to push her out of her comfort zone but there is no budging her. She has asperger's in previous ASD terms, she is a sweet person without confidence.

It's not always as it seems.

I suspect we'll be together as long as I am alive.

I'm sorry that your dd doesn't have any other friends @EmeraldShamrock1. That must be hard for you to see. I hope that she will find some people who she can be friends with when she gets a bit older.

RagingWoke · 17/06/2022 21:26

Co dependent with zero boundaries.

Pretty much sums it up. A parent needs to be a parent, not a friend. That's not saying you can't have a healthy, close relationship with your dc.

I'm very close to my mum, but she's absolutely my mum. I overshare with her, call for any minor inconvenience and she'll still tell me when I'm being a dick. Same with my dd, very close and we have a great relationship (most of the time) but I also need to be able to set boundaries, discipline (she's 7 so still young) and help shape her into a good person... I couldn't do that if we had that weird codependency. She doesn't owe me anything and has her own life to go and live.

I think, IMO at least, some of it is the mother projecting. There's a really weird attitude towards daughters, having a son is often described as 'devastating' because the mother 'always pictured a daughter and best friend' and that makes me really uncomfortable. Children don't owe their parents friendship and need that friend relationship away from the parents, it's normal and healthy.

pIonker · 17/06/2022 21:26

Crikey, it's just a figure of speech. Back in the real world, if someone says their mum is their best friend, I take it as they are very close.

The type of girl/woman who says this is usually lying someone already popular who has friends. Who is not embarrassed to say it!

Regardless, it's nobody else's business.

Ikeameatballs · 17/06/2022 21:27

I both cringe and am a little envious.

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/06/2022 21:27

I usually think Mummy needs to let go.

I adore my daughter, we are very close. She's not my best friend.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 17/06/2022 21:28

I think that the mother has no boundaries and hasn’t prepared their child for life and that the child has social difficulties and is missing our on a mother.

Notajogger · 17/06/2022 21:29

RedPlumbob · 17/06/2022 20:44

Co dependent with zero boundaries.

This. And quite creepy!

Anothernamechangeplease · 17/06/2022 21:30

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 17/06/2022 21:25

My mum and I used to roar with laughter every time we heard this phrase- it made us eye-roll and generally take the piss as it was a sort of code for absolute tossers 😂

She died suddenly a few years ago, and every time I hear the phrase now, I think of her, our cynicism and how we couldn’t really explain to anyone else why it made us laugh. I’m reminded of the bitter irony that she was, actually, my best friend.

So sorry for your loss, @Usernamenotavailabletryanother . Flowers

GrinAndVomit · 17/06/2022 21:30

I think “That must be really nice”
My mum couldn’t give a monkeys about me.

Ragged · 17/06/2022 21:32

My stepmum (age 79) is "BF" with her younger DD (age 59).
It's lovely.
They have other BF & BBF from what I can work out, it's not an all or nothing kind of relationship.

onlythreenow · 17/06/2022 21:34

I agee that it depends on their ages. When I was an adult, and after my marriage break-up, I would have said my mother was my best friend. There was certainly nothing co dependent about it, and we each had friends of our own age. I also coped far better when she died than most people on MN seem to do!

PashunFroot · 17/06/2022 21:35

Depends on the age gap too I think. Older mums tend to treat their kids differently I find than you get ones. When my daughter is 20 I’ll still be in my 30’s and if she wants to go for a drink with me, shopping, dinner etc I’d love that! We may well have a lot of similar interests.

frydae · 17/06/2022 21:36

GrinAndVomit · 17/06/2022 21:30

I think “That must be really nice”
My mum couldn’t give a monkeys about me.

I'm the same, which is why I made a conscious effort throughout my own DCs childhoods to be better. The result of that is that we are close now. I am not surprised so many people think there is something odd about it though. MN usually ship them off to university and wipe their hands clean.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/06/2022 21:37

Oh it's just something people say to express that they get along well and enjoy doing stuff together that you might do with friends (pub, cinema, shopping) rather than duty visits.

kittenkipping · 17/06/2022 21:40

I'm sorry but the judgement and nastiness here is horrible. Weird, clingy, cringey, Co dependant? You could take that assumption/ judgement, OR you could just believe that , to the person who says it, they see their mum as a true friend? Perhaps their best friend? Why not? My mum isn't my best friend. I don't have a best friend. I'm one of those weirdos (there are many threads here that assure me I'm not alone) that doesn't have a bestie, or a group of "girls" to go out with. My best friend is my sister. Or, perhaps my daughter? She's young now but we share a sense of humour and taste. Crack on with the large scale judgement.

SuperIris · 17/06/2022 21:41

RedPlumbob · 17/06/2022 20:44

Co dependent with zero boundaries.

This!

wordlewordle · 17/06/2022 21:42

Definitely best friends with my DD. She is 3 Grin

DariaMorgendorffer · 17/06/2022 21:42

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 17/06/2022 21:25

My mum and I used to roar with laughter every time we heard this phrase- it made us eye-roll and generally take the piss as it was a sort of code for absolute tossers 😂

She died suddenly a few years ago, and every time I hear the phrase now, I think of her, our cynicism and how we couldn’t really explain to anyone else why it made us laugh. I’m reminded of the bitter irony that she was, actually, my best friend.

Summed up beautifully. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Puffalicious · 17/06/2022 21:45

RedPlumbob · 17/06/2022 20:44

Co dependent with zero boundaries.

Ha! This! I bizarrely watched it today too and thought exactly this! I also thought it was pretty sad they didn't have their own best friends. I adored my amazing mammy, she was the most wonderful mam, but we had a different relationship than I do with my best friend.

spider2scary · 17/06/2022 21:45

kittenkipping · 17/06/2022 21:40

I'm sorry but the judgement and nastiness here is horrible. Weird, clingy, cringey, Co dependant? You could take that assumption/ judgement, OR you could just believe that , to the person who says it, they see their mum as a true friend? Perhaps their best friend? Why not? My mum isn't my best friend. I don't have a best friend. I'm one of those weirdos (there are many threads here that assure me I'm not alone) that doesn't have a bestie, or a group of "girls" to go out with. My best friend is my sister. Or, perhaps my daughter? She's young now but we share a sense of humour and taste. Crack on with the large scale judgement.

@kittenkipping don't worry, I don't think this is representative of the general view. It's great to be close to your family. I think as soon as one poster starts, others just follow. Not everyone has a 'tribe' (cringe)

DariaMorgendorffer · 17/06/2022 21:49

Do not understand the 'creepy' comments, or how people could say that mothers and daughters can't be friends Confused. Keep things compartmentalised as you wish in your own relationships with your children and parents, but don't judge others for not doing the same. I know plenty parents & children who are great, close friends, or even best friends, and are living their lives happily! Shock horror Wink

onlythreenow · 17/06/2022 21:51

@kittenkipping - well said. I can't help but think there might just be a touch of jealously in some of these posters.