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Original poster

One last kick in the teeth from dm from beyond the grave

129 replies

TeethKicked · 13/06/2022 14:46

This has really upset me, and I thought she’d upset me as much as she already could :(.

Its a long and boring story but, in essence, dm and I always had a tricky relationship. Things deteriorated when she and my half brother tried to cheat my df (from whom she was long divorced, and who was not my half brother’s father) out of a large sum of money.

She prioritised my half brother over me from the day he was born. Fine - I grew up, dealt with it, maintained a relationship with her for my dc’s sake. But things deteriorated, and for the last 3 years of her life we were no contact. She died 2 years ago.

I found out today that she left my dc nothing in her will - I knew I wouldn’t have got anything but I hoped they might have. She wrote an explanation in her will as to why she’d left everything to my half brother - and the real kicker here is that she wrote it and signed/dated it on my birthday :(.

I don’t know why this has upset me so much but it really has. I’ve been crying all day. She really did hate me didn’t she? :(.

OP posts:
Crucible · 13/06/2022 14:52

I'm so sorry to hear this. That is shitty. I can't find any words to make you feel better, but if I were you I'd do something fabulous for me on every birthday I had in the future.

rnsaslkih · 13/06/2022 14:52

Yes she did hate you. But that was her failing, not yours. At least this can be the end of it. Your children have a nice mum, which is the best gift they could have.

Muminabun · 13/06/2022 14:53

It was the only bit of power the old bag had left. She must have been very bitter if this was one of her last acts on earth to depart a bit of nastiness. This speaks volumes about her character. This was the only bit of power she had. She has left her legacy. This was probably her silly way to get back at you for not putting up with her. She is gone. You were right. Treat yourself and take care of your self op 💐🍷🍷🍷🍟

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 13/06/2022 14:53

Some mother's are rubbish OP!

It is unlikely to be you she hated (you were only a baby and a child when her treatment started so it is unlikely to be about you) - she might just have been full of anger and jealousy and hatred. You were just the focus/subject of her bad feelings.

Perhaps all that came from her upbringing. Perhaps she was just mean - and a rubbish mum.

Well done for getting out of that relationship still able to love and be loved.

BlanketsBanned · 13/06/2022 14:53

She and your half brother sound very spiteful its a shame your dc didn't get left anything but you dont need tainted money. Try not to let it upset you, she didnt hate you, she must have hated herself to be so unkind and nasty. You went nc for 3 years, you dont need her in your thoughts now.

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 13/06/2022 14:53

She was a bad mother. That's on her not on you. You aren't a bad person. Take that knowledge that you won't behave like her and leave her in the ground.

JonSnowedUnder · 13/06/2022 14:56

Wow - crazy spiteful. Harder said than done but you need to keep in mind this says everything about her and nothing about you.

Raquelos · 13/06/2022 14:57

I am so sorry. She sounds like a spiteful old woman who found one last way to exercise her diminishing power over you. Try and remember that often these kind of acts are a twisted way of retaining a connection. She couldn't quite let go of you or she wouldn't have chosen that date. It is horrible and hurtful, but it doesn't mean she hated you, just that she failed you. That's her failure not yours.

The best revenge is a life well lived and that's where you must direct your energy now.

Hugs and all the best x

BusyBeaver · 13/06/2022 15:05

You did the right thing going nc she wasn't a good person to have in your life. She can't reach you now, her power in the world and on you gets smaller every day. Your life is about you and you can surround yourself with people who can put your best interests at heart.

WalkerWalking · 13/06/2022 15:07

I'm sorry, that's properly shitty. I'd be devasted to read that as well.

catandcoffee · 13/06/2022 15:09

Don't give her any more of your thoughts...celebrate your children and your life...💐

Original poster
TeethKicked · 13/06/2022 15:13

Oh you are all so kind. I’m crying more now! I can’t convey how much I needed to hear all these words of comfort and wisdom. My dc won’t be home until later so I need to look composed by then - I will re-read all these lovely thoughts.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 13/06/2022 15:18

Instead of getting flowers for the grave, shove a broomstick in a vase 🤷🏼‍♀️

ittakes2 · 13/06/2022 15:20

I am so sorry she sounds like a right nutter. Sadly, I am guessing she was jealous of you. Its not uncommon for some screw loose mothers to be jealous of the youth of their daughters. If I was your half brother I would have given you half. I hope you can process this and put it behind you - sounds like you have a lovely family now so concentrate on that.

Honeyroar · 13/06/2022 15:24

What reason did she give for leaving it all to your brother?

saraclara · 13/06/2022 15:25

Looking at it logically, you went NC. Even if that's for the best of reasons and the right thing to do, being cut from the will (even the kids, who presumably she could no longer see) goes with the territory. This is one of the reasons that I don't think it's good for MNers to blithely tell people to go NC over relatively fixable stuff.

I'm really sorry that you had such an awful mum, and that this hurts. My mum had the same thing happen, even though she kept contact, and right up to the day her mum died, she hoped she'd get a sign that she loved her. But like you, after death, the will proved that she didn't. And she was an only child.

BetsysBeended410yrs · 13/06/2022 15:26

That was her last bit of power she had and I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that as a child and now as a mother.
I have very similar issues with my father so I know the pain ❤️
It’s all on them OP nothing to do with you
lots of love 💕

Adamantspants · 13/06/2022 15:27

I am so sorry OP, that is really lousy. All you can do now is be happy with the fact that you broke the cycle and your kids will only ever know pure love from their Mum xx

VioletLemon · 13/06/2022 15:27

I am so sorry, OP. It sounds like you are free of o toxic relationship and will probably need to come to terms. You have been badly hurt and your dm does not sound like a very nice person. You are though, don't bend to it. Its an opportunity to get away from the relationship with db too. Is there any way you could confront him or write a letter explayou would like something belonging to her, for your own dc? Is there any way he had a hand in the will? You are sensitive and have tolerated enough. Honestly id go nc with any more links and move on to good mental health.

Sswhinesthebest · 13/06/2022 15:33

What reasons could she give and why do you think she felt she needed to give reasons? The only one I can think of is to screw the knife in harder, to deliberately upset you and as revenge for going nc.

Loobylye · 13/06/2022 15:34

They say that the revenge you can have on your enemies is by living well, you're right to feel hurt by this but don't allow yourself to get bitter, then she's won, put it out of your mind, smile, and live your best life, that was her 'parting shot'...she's gone now and can cause you no more grief.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 13/06/2022 15:38

Some women do not make good mothers, which is an uncomfortable truth.

you deserve praise for recognising that your mother was unable to meet your needs and for protecting your own kids from that sort of influence.

I don’t know either of you, but I will bet you a bottle of MN gin that it was her and not you.

northerncrumpet · 13/06/2022 15:44

Nasty old woman, I've had something similar done to me and it is spiteful and cruel.

BUT actually, your DC not having the money leaves you free to forget about her completely now, they - and thus you - will not have to feel any undeserved gratitude towards her nor will you have to forever look at something and think "my mum left the DC that".

Live your life well, you did well to get away from the toxicity whilst she was alive, so just keep walking into the sunshine 🌞

PurassicJark · 13/06/2022 15:45

Well you know what to do if your shite half brother turns up one day, penniless and wanting help. Shut the door in his face. He made his bed, he chose to be in league with an insane woman who would abandon her own child and try to steal money off an old man.

Nothing you can do about your 'mother', other than live a good life. You got this far without the bitch, you didn't need her. You never will need her.

alphons · 13/06/2022 15:46

This is the very definition of vindictive. Spiting someone from beyond the grave is the lowest. Even if she had good cause to leave the bulk of what she had to your half brother (maybe he's in greater need?), to not even leave a token something to your children because they're yours...well, that says everything about her and nothing about you or your DC.

So sorry, OP. There are many shitty people in the world, and it seems like your mother was one of them.