One last kick in the teeth from dm from beyond the grave

[TeethKicked]

This has really upset me, and I thought she’d upset me as much as she already could :(.

Its a long and boring story but, in essence, dm and I always had a tricky relationship. Things deteriorated when she and my half brother tried to cheat my df (from whom she was long divorced, and who was not my half brother’s father) out of a large sum of money.

She prioritised my half brother over me from the day he was born. Fine - I grew up, dealt with it, maintained a relationship with her for my dc’s sake. But things deteriorated, and for the last 3 years of her life we were no contact. She died 2 years ago.

I found out today that she left my dc nothing in her will - I knew I wouldn’t have got anything but I hoped they might have. She wrote an explanation in her will as to why she’d left everything to my half brother - and the real kicker here is that she wrote it and signed/dated it on my birthday :(.

I don’t know why this has upset me so much but it really has. I’ve been crying all day. She really did hate me didn’t she? :(.

The OP has been NC for three years

absolutely no chance a contest would be successful

Oh, and when my brother came back into her life she got me to send a chunk of money to his adult children despite her never seeing them since they were little (yes I even did her banking since her husband died she expected me to do everything he did even things she was perfectly capable of doing herself). But has stopped sending birthday money to my children even though they often did jobs for her........ There is no accounting for how their minds work, its not natural, but I'm thankful that mine doesn't work the same!🥂

So sorry OP - my mother did the same. Wrote me and her grandchildren out of her will. I didn't care for myself but I did for my daughters.

Something very similar happened to me. My mother decided to punish me by leaving my sister half of everything and the other half split equally between my XH, me and 2 kids.

My crime? To bring shame on her by getting divorced.
The more annoying thing is that throughout her life she continually fell out with my sister and ran crying to me for help when they fell out. I hate her with a passion and have erased every memory, photo of her etc

I don't think you can realistically go NC and then hope to get money for you or your DC. You had not seen DM for years before her death. She may have spent a lot of money buying in care for herself. She may have had a kindly neighbour who would run an errand for DM and pop in to spend time with her. I would rather leave money to someone who had been kind and helpful to me than those who could not even send a text once a year.
You did not live alongside your mother for her full life and you do not know what she lived through which may have affected her judgement and behaviour so she could have been in great need of some kindness but you went NC.
Inheritance is earned not there to be demanded no matter what.

I love my dc very much - I’d hoped she would consider them in their own right and perhaps do a little something to make their lives easier. But having read lots of posters words today, perhaps it’s for the best she didn’t.

I’m sure she didn’t have to date and sign the will on my birthday, any other day of the year could’ve done. I very much think it was a deliberate act :(.

If she’d have left something to my dc, all well and good. But I won’t contest the will, I don’t want any of her money or possessions. It’s not about the money in any shape or form.

Seriously stop with the false hope

look at the fact. The mother wrote a letter outlining her specific reasons for not including the OP
AND they were NC for 3 years

Not a judge in the land would agree right to contest a will in this scenario

How did you find out about the will?

Gosh imagine being so pathetic and spiteful that this is what you do to your own children
op this is so hurtful, I would be hurt too, so I don’t mean to diminish that
but you wouldn’t do that to your DC
man’s to be consumed by so much spite really says so much about how tragically miserable she was.
it says more about her than anything else
be safe for her that that’s what she chose to spend the last few years/months of her life consumed with

Another complicated story!

My dm had a partner who has dual nationality. He had been out of the country since March 2020 so wasn’t with her when she died. He has only just come over in the last week to start sortIng my dm’s things. He had a very close relationship with my dd, and asked her if she would go down and visit him at my dm’s house this weekend. He showed dd the will.

@Mossstitch

This

Thinking about it, I don’t quite understand why the executors of her will haven’t sorted it before now (her partner isn’t an executor). Still, not my concern.

I'm so sorry, OP, how bloody awful.

She didnt hate you, she hated herself but couldn’t face that truth so she lashed out on you. Unfortunately you can’t have a good mum in your life and memory but you can be the person you wanted your mother to be.

It’s not about the inheritance at all. It’s about the final act of signing it on my birthday.

And, without giving too much away, dm and her partner own a care home - she will have been looked after better than I ever will be I think!

This is truly horrible OP.

It's very raw right now but eventually try and take some positives from it.

She must have been a deeply unhappy person to treat you this way. You are not her and every nasty thing that she's done to you will make you a better mum to your DC.

Your life will be happier than hers and the bond you have with your children will be so strong.

Do something lovely for yourself, put a smile on your face and thank god you know how to love. She didn't.

I have sypathy for you OP but tbh I wouldnt have read her note so I wouldn't have seen the date and let it upset me.

Not included in the will - fair enough that was expected. As someone said above skipping a generation doesn't often happen.

Move on and ignore the letter.

Why give credence to her views in death when you didn't in life?

So her partner also didn’t get anything?

is this partner your half brothers father?

if she was very wealthy and owned a care home - then a complex estate

It’s not about the inheritance at all. It’s about the final act of signing it on my birthday.

I take it birthdays are very important to you OP!

in reality this was likely a coincidence

Heartfelt sympathy. That's it, at least. She can do no more to you. You are free. And your children don't need her money to make it a good life. They will achieve that for themselves.

Her partner did get something, I don’t know what though. They started the home together, and were together 40 years. No, he’s not half brother’s father.

They’re not really, especially the more of them I have! It just felt like a very personal and specific act - but hopefully you, and others, are right and it was coincidence.

Goodness how bitter and twisted she must have been to do this, and to specifically explain it in the Will, it must have consumed right up until her death. You, however, not to let this cloud the rest of your life. You get to wrap up these feelings and wave them away, should you choose to, and get on with the rest the time you have. You might need someone to help you with your feelings (professionally I mean) but you can move on. My mother was abusive and, after NC from age 16, it took me til I was almost 45 to truly get over it and move on. I can well imagine her trying something like this when the time comes. No doubt she would think it would cut me. It won’t.

ah sorry, read your op and it says she have “everything” to your half brother