She brought our desserts to the table and placed them in front of us.. and then...

[Bunty55]

the waitress placed my spoon into my custard.
I was miffed.

I am 67, just had my birthday. I am the same as I ever was, same face, same figure, same vitality. The only thing that is different about me is the colour of my hair. I quit dyeing it two years ago and it is now silver.

I have noticed that I am sort of becoming invisible in a way I never imagined, and both my daughter and I think it is because of my hair.
Everyone at the table noticed what she did and were gobsmacked. I had to fish the spoon out and wipe it down since half of the handle was covered in bloody custard.
I would not even do that to my grandchildren !
I like my hair colour, but I do not like being treated as if I am in need of help.
Luckily, she did not offer to feed me :(

Was your table a bit messy before she brought the dessert out? I wouldn’t put a clean spoon down on a mucky table so perhaps the waitress thought she was helping by putting it into your custard, and not putting it down on a table littered by cold stray peas and splashes of gravy! 😁

Unless she offered to chew your food for you first, I really wouldn’t get too upset by this.

The casual ageism here on Mumsnet is definitely getting worse

Yes it is. However, I’m older than her, have had grey hair since I was 43 and nothing remotely like this has ever happened to me. It’s absurd to attribute this somewhat bizarre occurrence to being old or having grey hair.

Mum mode is a possibility. I once announced the arrival of the hospital helicopter in a singsong voice at a meeting with a lot of senior staff but I think you are probably right and she was being ageist. Don’t let it spoil your day.

Or maybe it wasn't a clean spoon and rather than get a new one, hide the evidence by plonking it into the food...

Peoples minds are some times elsewhere and they do something without thinking. The waitress is probably cringing to herself now asking herself why she put the spoon in the custard

Complain because the waitress put your spoon that you needed in your dessert? Crazy.

She probably didn’t even think and just put it in there accidentally.

if your self conscious/paranoid about your hair, dye it 😁

😂😂

There could be NO OTHER REASON!
😂😂😂

I think you should set up a sting operation OP.
Go back to the restaurant with some cronies - your own family members, in grey wigs & stage 'old lady' make up will do at a pinch - & see if this waitress puts spoons in their custard (not a euphemism).

Then you will have the proof of your pudding ...

At least she didn't try to spoon feed it to you OP

Nothing wrong with your hair colour

Don' t think anything of it

This reminds me of a really embarrassing lunch with my mum and her friends. The friends were younger than mum but older than me - just about in the middle. Both doctors, very intelligent and capable people. Then there was DM - elderly, limited mobility and suffering badly from arthritis in throughout her body. And me, her carer.

We ordered lunch, ordered drinks - bottled water and a can of Coke - and before anyone had a chance to do anything else out of habit I had opened the lot and started pouring them into glasses! I was mortified, they thought it was hilarious.

How strange.

I am late 50's with white hair. You know, old lady hair, not bleach blonde. Unlike you op, I don't have the same face, same figure or same vitality (I assume you mean same as when I was young?). No one has treated me like a senile old lady, which I also assume is your implication.

I've also taken my very elderly and disabled parents out for lunch and no one patronised them either. Maybe we were all lucky.

No idea why the waitress did this, but this one incident is odd, rather than part of a pattern.

I'm the same age as you Bunty. Like you, I'm very fortunate and am pretty much still the same as I was in my 40's. I do dye my hair though as it's not a nice grey.

With regard to the spoon incident... I would feel very annoyed. You'll never actually know why the waitress did it but it is unacceptable and I would have refused the dessert. I'd email the restaurant about it.

Some people are very condescending to those older than themselves. I had an experience during lockdown when a physio called me on the phone to discuss a hip problem. She began speaking to me as though talking to a child, asking me can I dress myself and what did I enjoy doing. I asked if she meant activities related to my condition and she said, no, generally what sort of things do you enjoy? She clearly assumed that at my age (65 at the time) I was only going to be capable of crocheting doilies or similar. In fact I ride my horse, my motorcycle, ski, walk for miles over downland, fly fish and swim.

67 is not old. True, some people are old at that age but, for most, it isn't the case. Don't let it get you down.

Why would putting a spoon in the custard help an older person anyway? I think you are totally over reacting! Won’t be going back because they put a spoon… in the custard. I was a waitress for a long time, I never would have done this even if a customer was 100 and looked as though they needed help, because it’s pointless. Some customers are just determined to be offended or decide their service was poor no matter what. And what’s your hair colour got to do with anything? It’s not exactly rare or exclusively for very elderly people.

I think it's clear the OP is drawing the conclusion it's because she felt she needed help due to age because she did it to no one else.

Whether that's the case or not we'll never know but they shouldn't be touching the utensils of the customers anyway.

I remember when my grey haired mum was in her 60s a waitress raising her voice loudly and clearly asking her if she could hear her. Poor mum looked bewildered, we all thought it was hilarious of course

Tbh it could just have been an auto pilot type thing rather than particularly consciously thinking you needed help.

How do they give them to the customer or put them on the table then? Spoons don’t fly.

They usually come on the table ready set or in napkins already wrapped up.

Or at least they do everywhere I've ever eaten!

They certainly shouldn't be touching them and putting them into peoples food.

I think the OP is pudding us on, don’t you?

OP,

I think the staff member made a rather serious mistake, but I think the most likely reason is that the spoon was not clean.

Unless Mary Poppins was there.

Were you sharing the custard?

Who do you think puts them there?! It’s also very common to bring dessert cutlery with the puddings.

As long as they don’t des(s)ert the thread….