I have a night out ... come home DH isn't home.

[Eatingpizza]

I have just come back from an extremely rare night out with work. I got back at just gone 1 am (europe). Dd (10) is asleep by herself. Other than the dog, not another living thing in the house.

Obviously, it was agreed between me and dh that it was okay for me to have a night out. All the local pubs are closed. His phone isn't answering. No replies to my texts. Just a half finished glass of red wine, a book and his reading glasses on the kitchen table to show he was here.

What the fuck?!

What's he saying today OP?

So he left a 10 year old alone to go to the pub? I'd be furious beyond words! And I would not be cooking for him or washing or speaking to him until he made a grovelling apology. Don't cave, go as you mean to go on!

Are you not worried that your daughter was left alone

A local single mum left her 10yo alone at night (whilst sleeping) to drive to shops to buy more alcohol. She crashed the car on the way home and died.

I don't want to defend him at all, being drunken in a pub is so unnecessary .

However, I'm elsewhere in Europe as well and 9 years old are generally considered capable of being regularly alone at home for an hour or two during the day.
Based on that a 10 years old should be ok being alone at home for several hours at night- if the child knows that parents are away and one of them/other agreed person is nearby and available on a phone, the risks are minimal.

Exactly this. He’s punishing you for daring to go out. Arsehole.

The law is grey in the UK it's true and there's no real law as to when a child is safe to be left alone. However, I can't imagine that a CP in the land would look at this as a wise parenting decision. I think this is a lot more high risk as leaving your 10YO for an hour during the shops whilst they're awake (which may be reasomable depending on how mature child is) They're much less likely to notice a hazard on time overnight eg a house fire. If they do wake they're likely to be frightened and disorientated especially if they weren't told they were being left. Sorry but I think it's common sense that this is risky at best

I would kill him. Seriously, if the police were aware they would arrest him, and possibly you.

Child abandonment and neglect.

Divorce!

He left a 10yr old? Wtf?

I would leave him. You will never ever be able to trust him again so the relationship is over.

My thoughts too. I hope you are okay today.

Another one coming on in case anyone needs to hear it, you don’t have to wait 24 hours before reporting anyone missing, even an adult you can do immediately if there are any concerns. I can’t believe as a society we used to have to wait 24hours for kidnapped children

@Eatingpizza that is truly shocking he did that, he did it to punish you. What are the laws around leaving children alone in your country? Could you explain it to him that way? But he wanted you to come home and panic, he planned for that to keep you in your place

A "lock in"? Aye, of course that'd be it

🙄

If he's gone out & left his child alone, he shouldn't be allowed back.

The way I'd phrase this if/when you decide to speak to him again would be that clearly this is the order that he prioritises things

• drink


• friends


• 10 year old daughter left alone in the house


• wife

That neither you nor your daughter will be bottom of his list and that you'll be communicating through a solicitor/lawyer to get things sorted between you, financials, accommodation, that kind of thing.

That is really awful @Eatingpizza . Really.

You've got a shit dh. You recognise it which is good. Now what do you intend to do about it? I'd be livid and chuck him out. He did it on purpose to make you feel you can never go out late or your dd will be left alone or put at risk.

I'd be leaving him for leaving our child alone but if that's not enough I absolutely don't believe he was at a lock in. He was with another woman. He got half way through a glass of red wine and a book and decided to leave to go the pub? Unlikely, he left because someone offered him sex

I assume you’ve left him now?

The pub lock in is BS

He was either with his OW or teaching you a lesson for going out - probably both.

Raise your bar OP.

I’m with Luna too.

He’d be out on his arse today.

Yes. It is true. Some of us do have shit husbands. He is not the least bit sorry or understanding why I am upset

There is something called divorce!
Can't believe he sees nothing wrong with leaving a 10 year old alone either.

Nearly six decades later, I still remember my terror on waking up in the night once and going downstairs to discover that my parents weren't in the house.

It turned out that the neighbour across the road had had an emergency, and they'd rushed to help. They probably came back within five minutes of ne finding them gone, but at that age it was forever.
I was normally a heavy sleeper so they'd had no reason to think that I'd wake, and of course I don't blame them for that. But I'd never knowingly risk my child feeling that terror.

Your husband is a selfish prick!