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Original poster

I have a night out ... come home DH isn't home.

253 replies

Eatingpizza · 04/06/2022 00:16

I have just come back from an extremely rare night out with work. I got back at just gone 1 am (europe). Dd (10) is asleep by herself. Other than the dog, not another living thing in the house.

Obviously, it was agreed between me and dh that it was okay for me to have a night out. All the local pubs are closed. His phone isn't answering. No replies to my texts. Just a half finished glass of red wine, a book and his reading glasses on the kitchen table to show he was here.

What the fuck?!

OP posts:
iloveeverykindofcat · 04/06/2022 07:32

Irrelevant to this situation, but just to say you definitely don't have to wait 24hrs before reporting a missing person. That's an unfortunate myth that has seriously impeded people's chances of being found. (Not to say the police will immediately do anything, particularly if its an adult that isn't deemed to be vulnerable, but you can report a missing person at any time).

GrinAndVomit · 04/06/2022 07:34

This is awful.

FlipFlops4Me · 04/06/2022 07:37

If my DH had ever left our kids alone - while I was on an agreed night out - he'd very soon be an Ex not so DH.

supadupapupascupa · 04/06/2022 07:40

Big no from me. He was supposed to be at home with your daughter.

TolkiensFallow · 04/06/2022 07:40

thats shocking

ZekeZeke · 04/06/2022 07:46

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He left your 10 year old at home, alone at night. A child. There is no excuse for this. None whatsoever.
Was he punishing you for going out? Him showing no remorse is a huge red flag.

The fact that you thought there might be an OW means all is not well in the marriage.

Listen to what every single poster is telling you and listen to your gut.

clpsmum · 04/06/2022 07:47

FlipFlops4Me · 04/06/2022 07:37

If my DH had ever left our kids alone - while I was on an agreed night out - he'd very soon be an Ex not so DH.

This

Neverendingmindfuck · 04/06/2022 07:48

I really hope you're packing his bags?
How dare he leave your 10 year old alone because he fancied a drink! You obviously have wine at home?
Why would he need to get pissed when he is the sole carer for child while you're out anyway?
My conclusion is hes a CUNT. Was he punishing you for daring to have a night a out?
Either way, in your shoes, he would be staying elsewhere while I sought legal advice ready for a divorce.
Future contact supervised only.
He royally fucked up.....

pictish · 04/06/2022 07:49

The police and social services won’t be in the slightest bit interested in this. What a ridiculous, hysterical suggestion. Please don’t waste their time OP.

In other news, I’d go fucking orbital at him. Selfish, irresponsible wanker! Wtf?!

cansu · 04/06/2022 07:54

That is awful. How could he have left his daughter alone like that? Terrible.

BlueThursday · 04/06/2022 07:56

My worry is that should you split he would have shared custody then DD wouldn’t be under your supervision at all times

Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2022 07:56

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 04/06/2022 02:18

I'm wondering if this is purposeful on his part, is he controlling? Because this is a great way to make sure you're too scared to ever go out at night again.

That’s exactly what I was thinking

PuffinMcStuffin · 04/06/2022 07:56

I really hope you are reading all of these replies and taking them on board OP. If everyone hear is so shocked by his behaviour but you aren't, it's likely you are so worn down by it that you don't even realise just how bad this is.
It would 100% be the end of a marriage for me.

balletmuffin · 04/06/2022 08:02

Morning OP. Your update really is shocking. I don’t think there would be any future in my relationship if my DH left the kids in their own to go to the pub.

nearlyspringyay · 04/06/2022 08:05

He left his 10 yo home alone so he could go for a piss up?? Fuck that, that would be the end for me.

Glitterspy · 04/06/2022 08:06

This is really inexcusable and terribly poor judgement on his part. It’s illegal also isn’t it?

TullyApplebottom · 04/06/2022 08:07

pictish · 04/06/2022 07:49

The police and social services won’t be in the slightest bit interested in this. What a ridiculous, hysterical suggestion. Please don’t waste their time OP.

In other news, I’d go fucking orbital at him. Selfish, irresponsible wanker! Wtf?!

It’s neglect, which is an offence.

BellePeppa · 04/06/2022 08:09

I think that’s pretty unforgivable. He left your daughter alone in the house to go to a pub and then stayed for a lock in? Disgusting behaviour. He is untrustworthy and that’s a big nail in the coffin to me. I’d never want to speak to him again I’d be so furious and let down.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/06/2022 08:11

PuffinMcStuffin · 04/06/2022 07:56

I really hope you are reading all of these replies and taking them on board OP. If everyone hear is so shocked by his behaviour but you aren't, it's likely you are so worn down by it that you don't even realise just how bad this is.
It would 100% be the end of a marriage for me.

Where on earth are you getting the idea that the OP isn't shocked by his behaviour? She's posted twice on this thread and I was in no doubt from the tone of either that she is incandescent with rage at her partner's behaviour and was horrified that he had left their young daughter on her own in the house for no good reason and without telling the OP. It's unlikely this is the first sign that he's utterly selfish and negligent of his daughter's welfare and safety, but she obviously didn't expect it would go as far as this.

Take time to think, OP, and in particular make sure you secure your financial position if you are married. It would be divorce for me after this, which I have a hunch is the last straw in a long line of straws.

gamerchick · 04/06/2022 08:11

Glitterspy · 04/06/2022 08:06

This is really inexcusable and terribly poor judgement on his part. It’s illegal also isn’t it?

No. It isn't. Well not in the UK anyway.

limitedperiodonly · 04/06/2022 08:12

Teateaandmoretea · 04/06/2022 07:27

Jfc. He left your 10 year old asleep in bed at night alone to get pissed? That’s neglect. In NZ you can’t leave a child alone under 14. There’s a reason for that.

One of the most tedious things about mumsnet is the obsession with how wunnerful it is in other countries. What an utterly daft law with practically zero relevance to the thread. In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay.

Thank you.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/06/2022 08:16

In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay

I don't know what is wrong with another poster sharing the fact that in some countries it's illegal to do thus up to the age of 14.

It's just a piece of information that supports the viewpoint that's mentioned, that's all.

ringemoooo · 04/06/2022 08:16

Absolutely inexcusable.
You need to have a serious talk with him today. Tbh I would want him gone for doing that.
You say you are in Europe, I wonder where?
I am in Central Europe, the rules are very different here. I suggest you check what the local laws are (do a quick google now) so that you are armed with facts.
He will try to minimize this, either by throwing facts about the local laws in your face or by saying yeah, that's the law but EVERYONE does it, it's a safe country, it's safer than the UK blah blah etcetc.
I am speaking from experience here.... was with someone from the country I live in for 5 years (no children with him thank goodness) and he was permanently telling me "it's normal here", "it's the culture here", "you don't understand because you're an immigrant" to excuse all kinds of awful behaviour such as drinking, going missing for ever, talking to me like shit, making demands about housework and going to brothels.

Please be ready for any kind of minimizing like this. It is completely and utterly unacceptable to leave a 10 year old alone in the house sleeping to go out to a pub. I suspect he has done it on purpose to put you off going out on your own and again because he's proven he can't be trusted.

dudsville · 04/06/2022 08:18

I once woke up to an empty flat when i was 9 or 10. The thing that woke me was painful tummy cramping that was at so sore it made me cry. I'll never forget that night. Similar to your story, the person who should have been there was out having fun. It made me feel worthless. I say all this because it isn't only fires and other tragedies from which your daughter was at risk, had she woken she could have questioned her worth.

MadeForThis · 04/06/2022 08:19

Divorce