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Original poster

I have a night out ... come home DH isn't home.

253 replies

Eatingpizza · 04/06/2022 00:16

I have just come back from an extremely rare night out with work. I got back at just gone 1 am (europe). Dd (10) is asleep by herself. Other than the dog, not another living thing in the house.

Obviously, it was agreed between me and dh that it was okay for me to have a night out. All the local pubs are closed. His phone isn't answering. No replies to my texts. Just a half finished glass of red wine, a book and his reading glasses on the kitchen table to show he was here.

What the fuck?!

OP posts:
C152 · 04/06/2022 08:24

WTF??!!! Your husband was left in sole care of your 10 year old child at night and he left her all alone to go to the pub?! As if that wasn't bad enough, he stayed for a lock in??! Your problem is not that he may or may not be having an affair; it's that he's totally and utterly abdicated from any and all parenting in the worst possible way. What other uses does he have, because he doesn't respect or care for you or your child and you're obviously going to have to pay for a babystitter every time you go out or need to work late. Make your plans as to what life is going to look like moving forward and start putting them in motion.

QuebecBagnet · 04/06/2022 08:25

I know someone who left their 10yo and 9yo home alone to go work a night shift. A neighbour called the police who went to the house and got the kids and took them to a relative. The mum did get prosecuted for child neglect, went to court. No idea what the punishment was, she lost her job over it so I didn’t see her again.

collieresponder88 · 04/06/2022 08:26

I would be so hurt and upset that he had abandoned our child at night I don't think I could get past it. If she had woken up she could have panicked and I couldn't get past that thought. I would divorce him without a doubt

Darktimes35 · 04/06/2022 08:29

I’d be furious! You have one night out and he can’t stay in the house with his daughter? Did he not see this as problem?

Figgygal · 04/06/2022 08:33

He left your 10 yo in the house alone to go to the pub? What the fuck is wrong with him

Isthisit22 · 04/06/2022 08:38

Can you imagine how scared your daughter would have been waking up, alone at night and not even knowing where her dad had gone. Ask your husband that.
Unforgivable.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/06/2022 08:41

gamerchick · 04/06/2022 06:52

Is the OP in NZ?

Show quote history

No but op isn’t in the U.K. either. So citing British law is equally unhelpful. And the police absolutely would do something over here even though there isn’t a law against it, a child under 13 being left alone in the evening goes against NSPCC guidelines. This would likely be classed as neglect.

Where are you op? It could be illegal in the particular country.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 04/06/2022 08:46

I'm sorry OP, that is shit and completely inexcusable!
Serious discussion needed!

BetterDaysareComming · 04/06/2022 08:51

Your 10 year old was left on her own whilst he was at the pub? I'd be furious!

FusionChefGeoff · 04/06/2022 08:57

Oh my God this is the sort of thing that happens in my dreams - DH and I have messed up diaries and suddenly realise we're both out and are then rushing home (usually frustrated by random dream type events) to get back to kids who are home alone.

I am so sorry that this has actually happened to you you must have felt so sick.

Bin him off, useless twat.

Etinoxaurus · 04/06/2022 09:08

bellac11 · 04/06/2022 00:37

I wouldnt have thought the police will do anything, certainly not until someone has been gone for 24 hours

I wish this myth would die a death.
There’s no 24 hour rule.
Posting that there is a twatty thing to do.
hth

Triffid1 · 04/06/2022 09:09

The fact that OP posted here was pretty obviously a sign that it was going to be something like this. She wasn't panicking he was dead....she was fully aware he had probably done something extraordinarily stupid amd selfish. Either because he is stupid and selfish or because he wanted to punish her for daring to go out. Or both.

I am certain this is just the tip of the ice berg and there are a million examples of him being a dick.

Op, is this the final straw? Can you walk away now?

Ahurricaneofjacarandas · 04/06/2022 09:13

This us categorically unacceptable parenting. Would your dd know what to do if the house burned down? How about if there was an intruder? If I was you OP I'd be kicking this loser out and self-reporting to ss and saving the texts as evidence that abandoning your 10YO was HIS decision not yours. I would hope not a court in the land would allow unsupervised visitation in this case

DoctorManhattan · 04/06/2022 09:15

His job as a father is to safeguard and look after his daughter. He has failed miserably at this, and it was a conscious decision to do so which is inexcusable. Time to get rid.

Changedagain876 · 04/06/2022 09:15

EarringsandLipstick · 04/06/2022 08:16

In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay

I don't know what is wrong with another poster sharing the fact that in some countries it's illegal to do thus up to the age of 14.

It's just a piece of information that supports the viewpoint that's mentioned, that's all.

@Teateaandmoretea personally I find comments from people you like more tedious, why waste your time responding over a minor point - that clearly has some relevance?! Hopefully you feel morally superior now though 🙄

@EarringsandLipstick thank you - couldn’t have said it better. ❤️

MountainClimber22 · 04/06/2022 09:15

Omg he couldn't look after his daughter for 1 night. That is awful.

Whatever00 · 04/06/2022 09:15

Eatingpizza · 04/06/2022 01:16

Well i didn't ring the police! I believe it is 24 hours after a person is missing. I posted on mn because I literally didn't know what to do with myself while waiting for him to turn up.

I actually had in my head that he was having someone on the side while i was gone.

Turns out he had gone down the pub and had a lock in. Am furious. He should have answered or at least told me what he was doing.

Yes. It is true. Some of us do have shit husbands. He is not the least bit sorry or understanding why I am upset.

He left your 10 year old home alone to get pissed. I might leave a 10 year old for 5 minites to pop to the shop, with instructions not to touch the oven or open the front door, but not at night till 1 in the morning. What if DC woke up to fund no one home or there was an emergency. Your H is a wanker. I would leave him. He can't be trusted and he neglected your child.

hellcatspanglelalala · 04/06/2022 09:22

JaneJeffer · 04/06/2022 00:41

He probably gone to meet the hotel room husband from last night's episode.

😂 exactly what I thought

Bobbins36 · 04/06/2022 09:24

He left a child alone at night to go to the pub? Throw him out. Selfish arsehole.

wellhelloitsme · 04/06/2022 09:32

Bless her - have you said to him "how do you think DD would have felt waking up from sleep and realising there was nobody in the house?!"

I honestly couldn't get over him doing this, it would be the end of the relationship for me 100%

Selfish prick. Shit dad. Awful husband.

Bin him.

wellhelloitsme · 04/06/2022 09:34

In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay.

That poster was just agreeing with everyone else and mentioning the NZ law as proof that what she and everyone else were saying is reasonable and right.

No idea why people are giving her a hard time?!

FloorWipes · 04/06/2022 09:37

Irrelevant to this situation, but just to say you definitely don't have to wait 24hrs before reporting a missing person. That's an unfortunate myth that has seriously impeded people's chances of being found.
Felt that was worth repeating as this is such a potentially harmful myth!

Secondly, that’s an unequivocal divorce.

Mellowyellow222 · 04/06/2022 09:47

My friend is the child of alcoholics.

she repeatedly talks about not feeling safe as a child.

this is a common story - both parents out drinking her waking up alone.

please leave this man - and never let him have overnight access. He’s not a fit parent.

Changedagain876 · 04/06/2022 09:51

wellhelloitsme · 04/06/2022 09:34

In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay.

That poster was just agreeing with everyone else and mentioning the NZ law as proof that what she and everyone else were saying is reasonable and right.

No idea why people are giving her a hard time?!

@wellhelloitsme thank you, you normal reasonable person 💐. Honestly MN does my head in. Feel like you can’t just post a comment without carefully checking nobody will get the arse over it

Beautiful3 · 04/06/2022 09:52

Wtf He left your child home alone to go to the pub?! How could you ever trust him again? What am arsehole father.