Middle class parenting more competive & sharp elbowed since the pandemic..

[Blooomingheck]

Might be just my area but many parents (interestingly the dads in our particular are the worst!) are doing whatever they possibly can to get their kids ahead.. It was bad before the pandemic but I think it's created a new breed of sharp elbowed, neurotic parent... Is this just my area (1.5 hours south of London)

Examples?

Yeah, tell us more. I enjoy reading descriptions of beady eyed twats who would steamroller their own mothers to gain a small advantage for their mediocre offspring.

Definitely. We were at a bus stop and there was a McDonald's poster. A child of about 9 exclaimed "urgh McDonald's" and the dad stopped and did this speech of "yes McDonald's is disgusting. We only eat wholesome healthy food don't we insert name. It was hilarious.

Just the talk at the school gates.. One-upmanship etc, direct questions about how my dc are performing... Numerous holiday camps booked, secret tutoring, it was always bad but it's worse now.. DH feels the vibe too & he's oblivious to practically everything! He thinks the cost of living crisis might have something to do with their "eagerness"!

Tutoring? Holiday camps?

Sound keen to get the kids out of the way!

Are you in an 11plus area OP? Loads of tutoring goes on round my way and parents are loath to share details of the good ones as it would be competition for their child.

We are in the area, it was always rife but it seems to have moved up a few notches since covid...

I've found the opposite, that people are a bit more laid back, and prioritising mental health over achievement. But my kids are at secondary school, which might make a difference.

We're in a grammar school area and almost everyone tutors whether they're trying for the grammars or not. Everyone's quite open about it and do share details.

more parents may be interested in tutoring if they feel their children have fallen behind due to on line learning. comparison with other children has always gone on, but probably more prevalent as parents are concerned their own children may have fallen more behind than others so are trying to gauge if they need to help them catch up.

some may feel their kids have missed out the last two year, so being a little over enthusiastic with clubs again to catch up.

Not a surprise given the amount of time schools were only open to the children of key workers.

There was a thread a while back about cultural capital & it really fit the bill in regards to the the parents we know.. They seem hell bent on giving their dc every opportunity & don't like to miss a trick... Holidays are another competition.. e.g "We're off to Rome as James adores Roman history, don't you James"? 7 year old James looks a tad bewildered...

"Yeah, tell us more. I enjoy reading descriptions of beady eyed twats who would steamroller their own mothers to gain a small advantage for their mediocre offspring."

Unfortunately I know plenty of these. More so as my child is involved in an extra curricular competitive thing since she was three (13 now). Toxic, smiling-two-faced and underhand doesn't quite cover it.

I've always tried to keep out of it and I've always cringed at the boasters, but who could have predicted that has been interpreted as 'arrogance' and thinking child is better! I did find that funny, it was passed along to me by one of the gossips.

Yes, everything is turned into a competition, and the money poured into these things can be staggering.

He took his child on a bus? Disgusting.

To me it's screaming of insecurity... These children have more advantages than most & it's still not enough for the parents...

I think holiday clubs are a bit of a stretch - where else do you send your kids over summer holidays if you work?

Re: the tutoring, I’d expect a child to have more tutoring in the 11 plus year than they were having two years before the exam, wouldn’t you? Luckily I don’t live in a grammar area so not an issue for us.

😁

''Twas ever thus.

These aren't holiday clubs as such more like 2 hour creative writing camps /music workshops /art camp, not day care as such & some of these located in London so parents are making the effort to commute daily to bring them...

It happens where I live. I am in a 11+ area, with lots of Grammer Schools/ private schools around. Find some parents vile with the way they behave but I don't get involved and keep myself to myself.

There are not enough eye rolls in the world...

Whenever I was met by this sort of thing, I'd just say: "Oh how lovely" or similar and leave it at that. I also got quite adept at swerving their "How's X doing?" questions when they asked about my dd.

Has anyone noticed the gifts? A few parents do this, but especially in the extra curricular thing. I mean over the top extravagant gifts, brought into a lesson or training. A giant (well quite large) Easter Egg and a basket of chocolates and pamper-type treats for Valentines Day were highlights.

Also some parents will make sure to list their child's most recent exam results or wins in loud voices before the start of a lesson or training to the teachers or coaches leading those lessons or training.

I could go on!

I stay well out of things too.. DH did the pick up yesterday & said he noticed a sense of "keeping up with the joneses" in the air hence my thread... As I said it was always bad before, very competive parents about literally everything (education, sports, days out(!!), holidays, perfect spotless houses.. It's a different level now!

Society has changed so much over the years. When I was young, tutoring was unknown (I'm going back 60 years).

It was the 11+ in those days, and failure meant a secondary modern school, which basically meant you left school with no qualifications and worked in a shop or a factory.

So you would have thought that parents were desperate for their child to get a grammar school place. It was all down to the school to get children through the exams. Parents just didn't get involved at all.

Now, I don't know a single child who isn't tutored, or taken on educational trips or classes every weekend. They have classes after school, they have swimming lessons, music lessons.

I don't know which approach is better, to be honest. Letting the child find their own way, or micro managing their every move. It's probably somewhere in the middle.

I'm sure it's got more competitive over the years, but I would just smile and nod, and do what you think is best for your own child.