Middle class parenting more competive & sharp elbowed since the pandemic..

[Blooomingheck]

Might be just my area but many parents (interestingly the dads in our particular are the worst!) are doing whatever they possibly can to get their kids ahead.. It was bad before the pandemic but I think it's created a new breed of sharp elbowed, neurotic parent... Is this just my area (1.5 hours south of London)

Wow, I had no idea SATS results effected sets in secondary.

When I was at school they put the new year 7's in mixed ability classes to start with and then worked out sets based on their actual performance in class.

It's functioning like a sort of Neo 11 plus then?

The visible impact at secondary school is school dependent.
Some schools initially set or even stream by SATs. Less good schools then don't adjust quickly enough.
Some schools judge all progress by SATs and tell the child they are behind if they aren't progressing as their SATs indicate they should. Sme schools do this by making their report be red for that subject.
Some schools use SATs as an internal indicator and give offer interventions to those under achieving
All schools are judged on the progress made from SATs to GCSEs for the cohort.

But no, not like 11+ as it has no impact on the school you attend. That said some comps have 'grammar streams' ...

From what I remember of school there was such a difference in the education you got in the top sets and the bottom sets that it honestly might as well have been a different school.

The bottom sets got entered for foundation level GCSEs that don't allow you to score above a D.

I remember very little movement between sets although it was possible in theory.

I would actually consider an exam that determines your sets in secondary school to be as high stakes as the 11plus.

Any decent school will allow movement between sets. My dd1 started maths in y7 in set 7 out of 10 and finished y11 in set 3.
(These days there are still a few subjects with foundation papers but you can get up to a 5 in them which is a pass)

Oh yeah I get that. I get that it's not literally and 11 plus. But it's clearly much more high stakes than I realised.
Up till now, I was under the impression that it was only for the schools benefit and I couldn't understand why parents were getting sucked in.
I think I get it now.

You want them to fulfil their potential. How does that disadvantage the other children?

In our area Sats do matter although primary school will say they don’t that’s bollocks! Fortunately Dd2 secondary teachers have recognised her flight path is far too low based on her dodgy year 6 results (she did cats not sats as covid wish she had done sats she would prob have done better hey ho) but it’s taken 2 years…

So people shouldnt tutor their children, or send them to lots of interesting and enriching clubs or take them on educational trips? Because other families can't afford to or don't have the time to or just choose not to?

It's quite silly to think just because other family can't or won't, that you shouldn't either.
Your children getting extra doesn't mean at the expense of other people's children.

OP I'm not sure where these things you mention are at the expense of other children though.

I think a lot of people jump on others, who do simply want the best and the best life for their kids.
I was having a conversation with 4 mums, we were just chatting about this and that to do with our kids, one of the other mums walked away saying the other was "a pushy show off", I walked away thinking what a nice life the kid has.
People can discuss good things their kids do without it being pushy or Braggy, they are just chatting,

I always think raising up is better then dumbing down.
My dd primary was absolutely obsessed with making sure all DC treated the Same.

However they didn't make sure those DC had an equal base line.

So my dd was positively biased against because they refused to give me deeper assistance on what ddd was behind in or needed to do over COVID when they refused to do any teaching.

The Idea being for ( some unfathomable) reasob they couldn't let all the children in her year know? So it would advance my dd I. An unfair way.
And yet my dd has suspected Sen and was pretty much the bottom of the class?

Then the school refused to acknowledge the Sen and that of others DC also.

On the other hand, DC with deep issue's where allowed to run riot and disrupt others education?
My other DC really suffered for this.
And it was always the entire year published when it was down to about 5 badly behaved DC.
If Sen was involved , of course that's fine but don't punish the entire Year.

I can't understand going down?

It's funny because my other DC was so madly onto reading she actually really inspired her two bf to read and they got into these book series... but now I'm hoping my other DC who dislikes reading I'm hoping their bf gets them onto it!!

Think big I agree.

I've got two DC at both ends of the spectrum and I am very honest about both,esp no 2 in case it helps someone else.

Neither one has a perfect childhood and I wish I had kept dd1 at dance classes because she feels awkward now.
I also wish I had kept them at hobbies etc.

Could some of it be the pandemic & not been able to do much? I've gone a bit overboard with holidays (only UK) & days out as I feel they missed so much.

Some of this stuff is the norm for me, but I'm a born & raised Londoner so perhaps that's why! Took the dc to McDonald's this week though.

Tutoring? Normal?

It certainly is ime, I had one 20 yrs ago.

I have one child doing the first year of A- levels at a selective private school and we just moved the younger one to a new pre-prep school because of our house move . She’s getting ready for doing the entrance exams to the next ones in Y 6 although she’ll only move at 13 so she can have 4 y in her current school and not be moving too soon after leaving her last one . My son did exams to his school ( and to another one ) he’s been at ever since then (well first in the juniors then in the senior school ) at 7 in y 2 and I payed no attention to what others were doing / talking . If asked I would have answered but I decided to not get into all the competitions and mess up my head . No one else even went for the super selective one we chose in the end but I thought might as well . We have never had him tutored or done extra work that wasn’t mandatory in the holidays but given him time off from work . Both kids have had lots of activities in term time and in the holidays especially when young mostly because im in poor health and I wanted them to have fun and be occupied when I couldn’t provide them with that . At DD current school I do hear rumours of people now frantically tutoring but I haven’t gotten into talking about senior schools other than at the one recent coffee morning I went to and I won’t . In general I’ve decided to take what others say with a grain of salt and just not care . We will be doing our own thing it’s served us well so far . DS just got 11 A in the GCSEs and so far another A in his EPQ . This week A- level predictive grade exams seems to have gone well too but we’ll see .
In general I’ve had a few good friends from my kids schools and being friendly but breezy with the rest . I’ve had enough of a taste in the coffee mornings and parties and at school runs . These are the same people that are asking you about your house prices, jobs and holidays but I don’t at this age give a … about what they think of me or my kids . That’s the benefit of getting older , just not caring .
I do think the competition for the top everything in life has gotten worse and worse in this country though , the pressure on the kids is immense I don’t envy them having had mental health problems when young myself !
I think each should do what ever they think is best for their kid / family as far as tutoring / extra curricular act go but I hate the comparing . I have a friend who’s often so negative towards me about all kinds of stuff and I really don’t like it . All I can think is sour grapes 🍇…

Didn’t mean to highlight the text but to write A* grade …

@Dianaofthelakeofshiningwaters
I do so agree. It often seems to me that ‘middle class’ is a sneery term of abuse on MN.

Yes they do. KS2 sats are a more reliable indicator that most other methods of predicting gcse results. Your child is assessed at KS2. If they are top they go in top sets and the reverse is true. Yellis etc are also a tool for prediction.
but in a world of expectation- a students thought to be capable of level 9 based on their KS2 results suddenly gets level 4 in year 7 - the school know this will negatively affect the value added so out cones intervention and support etc

I should think most people on MN are middle class.

Chatting about this at the weekend & the general consensus between DH, sis & bil is that our children's generation will find it awfully harder than previous generations due to globalisation, jobs & companies increasingly locating to Asia etc, the extremely well connected will always be fine the unconnected rich not so much so therefore try to give their dc every chance they can to get up the ladder